Some people love to be identified by their role as a parent and have no problem with others calling them "mama" or "papa" all the time. Others want to be called by their given name. Still others are somewhere in the middle, and all of these options are OK.
One woman has shared on Reddit that she hates when her husband's family calls her "mama" instead of her actual name, and she's wondering how other people feel about it.
She only gets mom-themed gifts.
"I have 2 kids, 2f, 4f. I [expletive] hate how everyone thinks of me as being just a mommy now," she wrote. "I don’t get to be my own person. I’m just mommy."
"Husband doesn’t face this. He gets gifts from everyone that have to do with his hobbies. Me? I get a bunch of mommy [expletive]. Tee hee, mommy needs wine!"
She doesn't like wearing matching outfits with her kids, either.
"And like matching outfits. I don’t mean like, one of those cutesy matching pajama sets that the nurses and horse girls wear in their staged Christmas insta pics. I mean like, people actually think I’m going to go out in public wearing some cutesy matching outfits with my toddlers. As though I think they’re mini versions of myself? Or dolls?"
She feels like her in-laws take things too far.
"From the time we got to the in-laws, it was 'mama' this and 'mama' that. At some point, my SIL said it and I said 'You know my name is (Carmen), right?' she just looked at me funny and said 'Of course, silly?' I said 'So why do you keep calling me "mama"? You aren’t going around calling (husband) papa?' SIL just looked at me like I had 2 heads and was like 'Um, okay.'"
"This went on all over Christmas. Here you go, mama. Want another slice, mama?
At that point I was just like 'Do you guys mind calling me by my name instead of calling me mama?'
"The same SIL as before did the whole golly-gee doe eyed thing and said 'But you’re such a good mama!'"
She doesn't get why they do this with her but not her husband.
"I said that I’m not JUST a mom. I gestured to the things that husband got for Christmas from them, and said 'Why didn’t you guys get him anything that says “papa”? Everything you gave me is somehow related to me being a mom. Why does HE get to be his own person?'"
Her mother-in-law apologized but her sisters-in-law did not.
"MIL grabbed my hand and squeezed it and said that she was sorry that she made me feel like this. She was just 'so excited' about being a grandma and she never really thought of things like that.
"I was feeling a little better until SIL2 and SIL3 started going after me. One of them did that whole 'Are you okay? Do you need to talk someone? You sound so angry, it isn’t healthy' faux concern thing that’s meant to shame you for having any emotional response."
Her husband thinks she needs to apologize.
"The other one was angry and saying that 'is being a mom somehow beneath you' and 'do you think you’re better than the rest of us?' and all that.
"When we finally left, he asked me why I’d kept it in for so long, and I said that I haven’t. No one listened to me before. I’ve said these things plenty of times. I’ve always asked them to call me by my name and not some disgusting nickname that boils me down to giving birth. He nodded, but said that I’d put a big pallor on the weekend and that I need to apologize for the outburst at some point.
"I said sure, as soon as SILs apologize to me for dehumanizing me for years."
People have a lot of ideas for how she could respond.
One commenter wrote: "I’m so petty, I’d start calling them 'sister-in-law' all the time and only getting them SIL stuff.
“Oh SIL, here’s your birthday present! (Sister-in-law rides horse) stuff even if I had to special order it. Erase them and replace it with SIL stuff."
But others aren't sure those suggestions will work.
"A TON of women believe that the singular reason they even exist on this Earth is to serve their husbands and raise children and they are worth nothing if they aren't doing that," one commenter added. "OP may not ever get the apology she wants."
You know who might understand? Teachers.
A third person added: "I have 2 kids and I don't understand it either. Luckily, my family knew better than to give me crap like that unless I asked for it. My sister jokingly talked about doing it once so I told her I'd give her apple stuff since she's a teacher. She shut right up."
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