Trailblazing comedienne Joan Rivers had an opinion about everything — even her own death. In her book, "I Hate Everyone… Starting With Me," Rivers gave her daughter a list of outrageous list of demands for her funeral, and it's just as hilarious as you'd expect!
"When I die (and yes, Melissa, that day will come; and yes, Melissa, everything's in your name), I want my funeral to be a huge showbiz affair with lights, cameras, action…. I want Craft Services, I want paparazzi and I want publicists making a scene!
I want it to be Hollywood all the way. I don't want some rabbi rambling on; I want Meryl Streep crying, in five different accents. I don't want a eulogy; I want Bobby Vinton to pick up my head and sing Mr. Lonely.
I want to look gorgeous, better dead than I do alive. I want to be buried in a Valentino gown and I want Harry Winston to make me a toe tag. And I want a wind machine so that even in the casket my hair is blowing just like Beyoncé's."
In her other book, "Diary of a Mad Diva," Rivers went into more detail about her passing and requested the following:
- Make sure the guy who cuts the tombstone is a good speller.
- Don’t break the news to my friends by singing, “A-Tisket, A-Tasket, Joan’s Finally in a Casket,”
- Even though we spent winters in Mexico, do not list my next of kin as Poncho the Donkey.
- Please make sure no one knows Melissa’s last words to me were, “Just sign this.”
- To make my cold-as-ice WASP friends cry like the rest of the mourners, Melissa and Cooper should just tell them they’ve “run out of Wonder Bread.”
Rivers finished the chapter by writing: “Death does not scare me. My father was a doctor, so I saw death often—mainly because he was not a very good doctor. I think funerals should be memorable…Death doesn’t scare me. I just want to leave a legacy.”
Rest in peace, Joan! You will be missed!
