Blending families is always a journey, even in the best of circumstances. One mom recently shared on Reddit that she's experiencing what some might say is a mixed bag of circumstances.
The mom explains that she's recently remarried following a divorce she describes as messy. Her new husband and his daughter are Jewish, and the mom and her children are not.
She says, "My new husband is Jewish, and so is my new stepdaughter 15F. My husband is an atheist, but he still abides by many religious laws because they are part of his culture. His ex-wife is more religious, and my stepdaughter is still figuring things out, which, duh, she's a teenager."
Her stepdaughter keeps kosher, which the woman supports.
She explains that her stepdaughter has a different diet than her kids, and she's more than happy to accommodate it:
"My stepdaughter keeps stricter dietary restrictions than my husband, the same ones used in her mother's house. Utensils, dishes and cookware that are used for meat can't be used for milk and vise versa. We color coordinated the kitchen to facilitate this. However, my kids, especially my son, have been ignoring the color coding system. Several plates have been 'ruined' in the sense that my stepdaughter can't eat food off of them anymore."
She began by banning pork and shrimp from the home completely.
"When my husband and stepdaughter first moved in, we banned pork and shrimp (and other forbidden foods) from the house. My ex raised a huge stink about this. So did my son, although it was just to be rebellious, becuase he can eat all the shrimp he wants on his dad's weeks and rarely eats pork anyway."
She recently had to take the extra step of banning meat completely.
"Well, recently I decided to ban all meat, because my kids couldn't honor the color coded system and were creating huge headaches for everyone. Predictably, my ex and son pitched a fit. My son reports everything I do to my ex, who always reframes it as me being evil, which my son always ends up agreeing with, because he prefers his dad and hates my new husband."
Now both of her children are mad.
The mom wasn't surprised by her son's reaction, but she is surprised by her daughter's. "What I didn't expect was for my daughter to also be angry, as she's usually the level headed one. She said I'm favoring my stepdaughter. Her reaction gave me pause. Did I go too far?"
People are suspicious of her son's motivations.
The post set off alarm bells for quite a few people, who questioned what's behind her son's actions.
One person wrote: "Your son seems to be doing this deliberately, maybe your daughter too. I think it’s best to sit down with your kids without your husband present and address any resentment they might have in a sympathetic way. Divorce is 10x harder on adult children of the parents than it is on young kids. Be sympathetic and show that you genuinely care about your kids, but it’s also about respect."
A lot of people thought the mom was wrong — but that might be a narrow way to see things.
Surprisingly, plenty of people agreed with the kids in question. However, one commenter made a great point: Just because something isn't part of your own culture doesn't mean you don't have to respect it.
"They think the five seconds of checking color coding is abusive to OP’s children," the commenter explained. "I think everyone believes they’re religiously tolerant until they’re forced to realize not all religions fit conveniently into the construct of Western Christianity and might… gasp… be inconvenient. It’s like the people who get mad that Muslims have to pray 5 times a day, which includes at work. Or taking the day off for Yom Kippur or Rosh Hashanah, whereas you would never see a complaint about having Good Friday and Christmas off. 'It’s not about the religion, it’s that it’s disruptive!' It’s only disruptive to a mainly Christian way of life; if it doesn’t fit into the mold, it’s not OK."
Others believe the kids could have seen things differently for sure.
While some people seemed to believe the color-coded system sounds horrible, not everyone did. Another commenter added, "I also think it’s funny that people are acting like her children are under immense suffering and are being neglected in favor of the stepdaughter for… having to look at a color before they pick a plate. In the real world, people are sometimes mildly inconvenienced and have to make tiny compromises for other people, which it seems some Redditors are not capable of understanding."
They also think her oldest son needs a few life lessons.
Someone else suggested a hard look at the woman's son:
"For a 17 year old to behave in this manner is frankly ridiculous. This is why some teenagers are entitled and ignorant these days. How hard is it to respect other people's items, religious or otherwise?"
These stories are based on posts found on Reddit. Reddit is a user-generated social news aggregation, web content rating, and discussion website where registered members submit content to the site and can up- or down-vote the content. The accuracy and authenticity of each story cannot be confirmed by our staff.
