Fractured family relationships can be difficult to repair, but it's usually worth trying to do so if both parties are receptive to the process.
One mom has shared on Reddit that her teen daughter has reconnected with her biological dad. The mom isn't thrilled about this, to the point that she is threatening to cancel her daughter's birthday party if the bio dad is invited.
The mom says her husband is the only father figure her daughter has had.
"I'm a mother of a 16 (soon 17) daughter 'Kelly,'" the mom begins. "Her bio dad left when she was 4. It's complicated but despite him being away he still sent money or had his family help from time to time. I still struggled a lot raising her til I met my now husband 'Christopher'. Christopher is like a dad to Kelly. He's the only father figure she had."
Her biological dad is back in her life, and he's really sick.
"However, I found out that she's reconnected with her bio dad through his family (his mother) which I wasn't happy about but I didn't make a fuss about it," the mom explains. "Then she started mentioning him often, going to visit him while canceling plans to hang out with us etc. Her justification is that her dad is sick and might be (I say might because she's a child and may not know what it meant) terminal. She sees him at his friend's house where he's staying now."
The teen wants her dad to come to the party, but her stepdad says no.
"Christopher and I were planning her 17th birthday party at our house. Kelly told me that she'd like to have her bio dad come over to celebrate since he may not be able to be around next year. Christopher said no immediately. He said he won't let that man come into his house which made Kelly cry saying that we were robbing her of a last chance to make memories with her dad after finally finding him again."
Her mom agrees.
"I told her that I don't feel comfortable having him come to the house and be in the same room as him. Her stepsister said that both me and christopher are overreacting and that Kelly wants her dad to take part in her birthday so badly. Christopher left the house and I snapped at Kelly and threatened to cancel the whole thing."
Her daughter isn't backing down.
"Later whrn we calmed down I suggested she goes to celebrate with him but she said her friends and their parents won't be able to attend," the mom says. "She also said he can't throw her the party since he's sick. We had another argument and she started ignoring me and christopher while staying in her room. She's saying she won't forgive me if I let her dad miss what coukd be her last birthday with him."
Commenters realize how hard the situation is.
One commenter put it like this:
"Let me just point out: 'She's saying she won't forgive me if I let her dad miss what could be her last birthday with him'. She has laid out her terms.
"You don't want to be around him at all. 'I don't feel comfortable having him come to the house and be in the same room as him'. She is old enough to understand that.
"She is also old enough to know what terminal means, so I think that is rude of you to suggest she doesn't.
"As much as she wants to see her father, you are well within your rights to not want to see him. I can understand how incredibly jarring that could be for you. However, in your situation, the good thing to do would be to suck it up and let her see her father, it's her biological dad, this is what she wants.
"I'm going with NAH due to the horrible situation that this is, and I understand it puts pressure on you and your husband. But please listen to your daughter. She may never forgive you. This is clearly important to her."
There might be room for compromise.
One commenter suggested a compromise, writing, "At the same time, she's also old enough to understand what 'this person has treated me badly and I don't feel comfortable being around them' means too. OP [the original poster] had laid out some reasonable compromises that may not be as fun of a party with as many friends but would still let her daughter see her dad. The the party and the friends are more important to the daughter than spending her birthday with him, but she wants all three so she's taking it out on OP. That's not fair."
There might be more going on behind the scenes.
A third person offered, "There's something she isn't saying here – some reason that having him around scares or angers her, otherwise her husband wouldn't have reacted so immediately and negatively. This is something she should tell her child. 17 is old enough to understand, no matter how awful and upsetting it might be.
"Reading between the lines, I think that she suspects that he's lying about being terminal to get sympathy from Kelly, or drive a wedge between Kelly and OP, or weasel his way back in rather than thinking that Kelly is too young to understand what the word 'terminal' means."
