Blending families can come with challenges, no matter what the situation is. But some of those challenges don't really have to be there in the first place. One mom recently opened up to Reddit about a challenge she is facing — and promptly found out that she is the problem in the situation.
The mom wrote that she and her family — which includes her husband, their three children, and her stepdaughter — were taking family photos together when she asked her stepdaughter if they could take a few photos without her. That's already pretty rough, but the reason why makes the situation almost impossible to comprehend.
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The mom explained that the photos were meant for their holiday cards.
"It's our last week of summer before the kids start school, so we decided to rent a lovely little beach cottage for the week," she explained. "It's a common theme in my family to take Christmas card photos while on vacations, so naturally I wanted to take the photos while we were away!"
But then things took a dark turn fast.
The mom kicked things off by explaining there was a "problem" … with her stepdaughter's skin color.
"Here's the problem. Jack is white, but Enephrine's mom is black and she turned out looking very, very much like her. I don't care what race she is and love her just the same as any of my bio kids."
The mom tried to say the problem was her racist parents, but …
The mom then explained that her parents are very racist, so she hasn't even let them meet her stepdaughter. On one hand, it could make sense to protect the little girl, but on the other, this mom needs to fully embrace her stepdaughter and tell her parents that their behavior is not OK.
"My parents, however, are pretty racist. I'm limited contact with them for several reasons so they've never met Enephrine, but we're on Christmas card terms. I don't want to send them a card that Enephrine is on because they will make a fuss about the (certain word with a hard r) child. So my plan was to take a picture with just me, husband, and bio kids for my parents and a couple other relatives, then have her be in the picture for Jack's family and our friends."
Her 8-year-old stepdaughter was really hurt.
"But when I called picture time and told Enephrine she wasn't going to be in this picture but the next one, she started to look upset. I did let her take our picture which lifted her spirits, and we got some lovely pictures with her too. We also got some ice cream and she hasn't been upset beyond that initial moment."
And the stepdaughter's dad was mad, too.
"The trouble came later when Jack asked why I didn't want Enephrine in the photo. He said he thought it was maybe so I could get one with all my kids. I didn't want to lie to him so I told him why, because I don't want Enephrine to be exposed to people who could potentially emotionally hurt her. Just like that he went from being understanding to pissed. And I guess he said, 'she didn't want you in her picture because you're black' or something like that to his daughter, and now she's upset with me too."
The mom tried to argue her intentions were good.
"I really wasn't trying to hurt her in any way, I did this out of care and love. But I think I could have done it in a wrong way."
People were clear: The mom needs to work on her own racism.
"Stop protecting the racists," one commenter said. "If they're racist then cut them out. By not having her in the photo, you're telling your stepdaughter that racism is acceptable. Shame on you."
They also don't buy her reasoning. At all.
"[The original poster] getting miffed about her husband telling his daughter she didn't want her in the picture because she is black is pretty confusing to me," wrote a commenter. "That's… literally the reason you didn't want her in the picture. Don't try and backpeddal now like her being black had nothing to do with your motivations here."
They also think the dad needs to have a real conversation with himself.
"The dad is right," wrote another commenter. "You didn't want her in the photo because she's black. Whether it's to appease your racist parents or not, you made the decision that her being black was fundamentally more of an issue than your racist parents. If he's anything like the man who made his daughter, he's going to be living with seeing you differently now as a basic human being."
Ultimately, the mom's behavior is harmful to her stepdaughter.
Lots of people are concerned about how the stepmom's behavior and beliefs will impact her stepdaughter down the road.
"Your parents are racist, you are complicit in that nonsense by excluding your stepdaughter from the photo, and you’re surprised she and your husband are upset with you?" one commenter wrote. "Oh my god that poor child. She’s probably going to have to deconstruct a lot of internalized racism if she stays around you."
"If you make accommodations to satisfy your racist parents, what does that make you?"
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