Families come in all shapes and sizes. It can be a beautiful but bumpy process when trying to create a new family unit, especially after the loss of one of the parents. One woman found herself in this situation when she fell in love with a widower. They eventually married, and she attempted to establish relationships with his two children.
The stepmom was successful with the daughter but was treated cruelly by the son. Now that same stepson wants to have his stepmother’s family heirloom engagement ring. The stepmom said no but wanted to poll the internet to see if she was being too hasty in this decision.
The stepmom introduces the family.
The stepmom begins her story by introducing the Reddit forum to her family: “I (49F) have been with my husband Bill (53M) for the past 20 years. Bill had two children from his previous marriage, Jim (31M), and Paige (27F). We also have one biological child together, Harry (16M). Jim's and Paige's mom passed away they were 9 and 5. I met Bill around 2 years after his former wife had died.”
Things were rocky at first.
Things were difficult at first with both Jim and Paige. “When I started building a relationship with the kids, I made it clear that I was not going to replace their mom and would be a trusted figure whom they could approach if they ever needed me,” the stepmom continued. “That being said, I still made an effort to treat them like I would my own child. I would take them to school, pick them up, take them to doctor's appointments, make their lunches, ask my parents to get them presents for Christmas and birthdays etc. Both kids were somewhat hostile towards me at first, which I understand because they lost their mom.”
More from LittleThings: Woman Is Aghast After Her Stepdaughter Asks To Wear Her Deceased Daughter's Wedding Gown
Paige warmed up, while Jim remained hostile and cruel.
Things got better, at least with Paige. “However, Paige eventually warmed up to me and saw me as a trusted confidant and maternal figure,” the stepmom explained. “She didn't ask me nor did I expect her to want me to adopt her, but she still calls me mom which I appreciate. Jim on the other hand continued to be mean and hostile. I have never treated him poorly or antagonized him. Nevertheless, he would make misogynistic statements like 'it's your job as the woman to clean the dishes' when I would ask him to clean his plate or call me a b*tch when my back was turned. My husband told him many times that the way he was treating me was uncalled for and for us to go to family therapy but he always refused.”
The ring entered the conversation.
Jim went his own way and continued to treat his stepmom poorly: “He eventually moved out after reaching adulthood. He continues to maintain contact with his father and siblings but its minimal between him and me and even then he doesn't treat me well. Now I have an engagement ring that is a family heirloom for several generations. It is passed down from the mother to the oldest child. My husband got the ring from my mom to propose to me. I told all 3 children about this heirloom a few years ago.”
Jim gave his stepmom a ring about the ring.
“Anyway, Jim currently has a girlfriend whom he intends to propose to,” the stepmom wrote. “He called me out of the blue one day and asked if he could have the ring. I told him no. When he asked why, I told him it was because of how he has treated me all these years and how he continues to treat me and I don't want my family heirloom going to someone who sees me as vermin. When he asked whom it would go to, I told him it would go to Paige when she gets engaged. When he heard this he lost his [expletive] and accused me of playing favorites. I eventually hung up when he wouldn't stop insulting me and blocked his number. My husband is on my side but his maternal relatives have all been blowing up my phone telling me what an [expletive] I am.” She asked Reddit if her stepson’s material relatives were right. Is she wrong for doing this?
Reddit users weighed in.
Reddit users ruled in favor of the stepmom, especially since this is her family heirloom.
“Wait….you're not even his biological mom, why does he need YOUR family heirloom if he hasn't welcomed you into his family,” asked one user. They make a good point.
Reddit users agreed with the stepmom.
Another user took a neutral approach but still believed the stepmom was right: “He isn't obligated to see you as his parental figure but then he isn't entitled to the family heirlooms. Sounds like you have taken the right approach to being a step-parent and it's unfortunate that he had to antagonize you even into his adulthood.”
Why does he want the ring to begin with?
One user questioned why Jim would want his stepmother’s ring in the first place. Another wise user hypothesized that this was because “it’s an easy way to not have to spend money buying a ring while looking sentimental rather than tight to his new fiancée.” This is a solid theory.
Here's to hope.
One can only hope that Jim’s family will back off the stepmom. Perhaps that side of the family could give him their own family heirloom. In an ideal world, Jim would see the error of his ways and make peace with his stepmom, but based on his previous behavior, that seems unlikely. At least the stepmom can be secure with her decision with the backing of Reddit users.
