House hunting can be stressful. There are so many factors to consider before committing to a place: Is it close to the good schools? How big is the yard? Is there enough space in the closet for all those dresses you've worn only once and have no intention of putting on again, but you have to keep because "you never know"?
But one thing most people don't have to deal with is ghosts. Or demons or zombies or monsters — all of which are apparently hanging out in this 100% verified haunted home.
Writer Olivia Cole shared her hilarious and terrifying story on Twitter of looking for a new house. You're going to want to judge her for not realizing sooner that she was about to curse herself and her husband for all eternity, but try to keep an open mind. After all, doors to nowhere and scratched windows aren't something most people are worrying about when calculating a down payment.
Our story starts with an appropriate and accurate intro.
She's not exaggerating. This entire story reads like the beginning of a horror movie.
This is the deep breath before the super scary plunge.
(Also, heads up: She sprinkles a healthy dose of GIFs into this tale, and they get more and more accurate/hilarious as time goes on.)
But things start to turn spooky immediately.
If your first thought upon seeing a house is "creepy," you DO NOT buy that house.
Again, if there are "bars to a dungeon" inside, this is not a place you want to wake up in every morning.
Then they make it to the kitchen, where it looks like someone or something has been trying to escape.
How closely did they inspect the scratches? Was there blood in them?
Her complete obliviousness to the obvious insanity of this house is hysterical.
BECAUSE THAT'S WHERE THE MONSTERS LIVE. WE DON'T TALK ABOUT THAT DOOR.
Finally, the horrors of their situation start to register in the woman's head.
Just… why? Why is there a tiny, dark, pointless room hiding in the back of a closet if it's not to hide demons?
That's when they find a door in the basement with three padlocks on it.
How they hadn't already left the property running and screaming is beyond us.
50 Shades of NOPE!
Because something from The Walking Dead used to be trapped in there, and it's probably still roaming around at night.
For some reason, they continue with the tour, and our narrator is still enchanted:
Rosebushes apparently override ghosts.
This is Voldemort's house. That's the only explanation left that makes any sense.
Thankfully, they are too scared to actually take the house.
A seriously unnecessary conversation. No one's applying to live in your possessed bungalow, you witchy real estate agent.
He probably wished their car had more horsepower so he could get away from that house even faster.
The moral of this story is simple.
If your judgement is so flawed that you can't see a clearly demonic home for what it really is, make sure you have a partner who can.
