Getting the news that you're pregnant is simply a joy if it's a goal you've been working toward. But it can also be very scary. During pregnancy, a lot changes. And plenty of once-safe food options can be off limits.
One grandmother-to-be has admitted that she's tried her hardest to accommodate to her daughter-in-law's pregnancy, but says it's a little harder than she figured. To find out if she was in the right, she connected with Reddit's "Am I the [Expletive]?" subforum for other opinions.
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"I (54) and my husband, 'Rick' (57M) have 3 kids," she wrote. "The oldest 'Kurt' (29m) is married to 'Becky' (28f). She is normally a good DIL and I try to be a good MIL. We have had a pretty good relationship through the years. Issues have only popped up in the last few months since they are now expecting a baby in November. It is relevant to this situation that Kurt is technically my stepson but I am the only mother he has known."
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It seems as if Becky is already making some demands that make the original poster (OP) feel uncomfortable. "Becky is becoming increasingly difficult," she admitted. "She expects everyone to bend to her will 'because she is pregnant' or 'because she is the mother of our grandchild.' Recently, Rick & Kurt were talking about our finances and Becky started making suggestions about what money we should start saving for our grandbaby."
It's typically not very wise to try to spend someone else's money.
That statement alone is worthy of an eye roll. But it gets worse. "That same day, I served lunch," she wrote. "I made chicken for Becky because she isn't eating cold cuts. She made a few comments about the cold cuts that she didn't have to eat." Cold cuts, if not heated up, are a risk for listeria, which is why she had to avoid them. But having a perfectly good other option should have cut down on the commentary.
She was also against the wine that was served. "She does not want Kurt drinking while she is pregnant but he didn't agree to this," she said. While it's nice to be supportive of a pregnant spouse, it's also a bit ridiculous to dictate diet to others. And to make a point of it at dinner seems a bit rude.
For years, even prior to the baby announcement, the OP and her husband have been working on a second home. "The new home has 3 floors (1st-bedrooms/hangout space, 2nd-middle living & master, 3rd- bedrooms)," she explained. "This had been in the works for years so our kids are very excited to all go this summer. We are all set to go for our first trip in July."
"The issue that came up is that my 2 other kids, 'Tim' & 'Cassie' (23M, 21F) plan to have fun on this trip which includes having some friends to the house a few times, amusement park, scuba diving, going out," she wrote. "When Becky and Kurt were over last weekend, T&C were talking about their plans and Becky got upset saying that because she is pregnant, this trip shouldn't be all about drinking (it's not) but we aren't banning alcohol from the house." Once again, it seems as if Becky is forgetting that not everyone invited is pregnant.
"She also said that next year's trip will not include any get-togethers because she will have a small child," she said. "Tim just told her not to worry because she doesn't have to participate in any of the fun. Becky called me and said that she was upset about the plans. She said we needed to respect the fact she can't participate in all of the activities we are planning."
Becky made a point to bring up how the activities of the other family members simply weren't fair. "I told her that there were plenty of things she can participate in and not worry about what the other kids were doing," the OP explained. "She then said she really thinks I should limit the drinking and 'parties.' I informed her that I have no intention of limiting anything since this is their vacation as well and these activities can take place on the back deck."
And that's when Becky tried to challenge everyone's relationships.
"I told her she can have the bedroom upstairs in the front so that she will not be bothered but she was mad she would have to walk up all the steps," she said. "She also accused me of caring less bc Kurt is not my son (not true). At the end of our talk, I told her could get a rental to have their own space but she accused me of trying to exclude her." It's more or less a lose-lose situation.
The OP couldn't help but end the conversation saying that just because she's pregnant, she shouldn't have full control over the lives of everyone else. "I reminded her she spent many nights out drinking when she was their age and that the world can't revolve around her just because she is pregnant," she said. But she's questioning as to whether or not she crossed a line.
Reddit agreed that she didn't do anything wrong.
And they told her to expect Becky to get worse as time went on. "She definitely does sound like a handful," wrote singing_stream. "She's the kind of person that finds herself holding a little bit of power, and is now forcing everyone to bend to her will, because the whole world should revolve around her."
Darkvadercake had another theory, as she seemed very upset about wine and alcohol. "She strikes me as an alcoholic, and likely one in the early stages of hiding it quite well," they theorized. "Her remarks have the hallmarks of someone doing her best to quit cold turkey and struggling. Feeling triggered by other people drinking around her when she can't, and lashing out constantly because she can't have her substance of choice."
But it could also very well be a control issue.
Sometimes, certain women feel as if there are excuses to be bossy and demanding. Otherwise, the show Bridezillas would never exist. Some women have very strong yet unobtainable goals around their milestone moments, and it could very well be that Becky just wants to take control of everyone else's lives. Since pregnancy can often make you feel out of control of your own body, it's a very reasonable conclusion.
The OP noted that while a lot of pregnancy-unfriendly activities were suggested, there was still a lot that Becky could do while she was there. "I offered to spend the day with her shopping on the scuba day because I know Kurt really loves it," she said. "We are also in a beach town so we can go to the beach as much as we want which she loves." But still, the attitude remained.
While pregnancy is a beautiful thing, it's also a choice for many women. And that choice comes with about nine months of possible discomfort. It seems as if this OP is trying her hardest to accommodate, but her daughter-in-law is failing to see her generous efforts. Hopefully, things will get better — otherwise, every vacation may be rough from here on out.
These stories are based on posts found on Reddit. Reddit is a user-generated social news aggregation, web content rating, and discussion website where registered members submit content to the site and can up- or down-vote the content. The accuracy and authenticity of each story cannot be confirmed by our staff.
