We all use pronouns every day. I, she, he, you, it, we, and they are all pronouns that we use on a regular basis, but lately, talking about pronouns has been controversial because of the different ways pronouns are being used to express gender identity. She/her, he/him, or they/them are commonly used personal pronouns. But some people use pronouns that many people are less familiar with, including pronouns like fae/faer/faers or ze/zir/zirs — these are called neopronouns.
The New York Times explained that neopronouns are alternative gender neutral pronouns, and noun-self pronouns are when people use words that already exist are used as personal pronouns. Why do people use these pronouns, and how common are they?
Some people prefer to use pronouns outside of the gender binary. Many nonbinary people use they/them pronouns. Some people also use a combination of "she and they” or “he and they."
However, some people might feel that their able to express their identity better using neopronouns. According to the Human Rights Campaign, "As one’s pronouns are ultimately a reflection of their personal identity, the number and types of (neo)pronouns a person may use is limitless."
Some neopronouns are nounself pronouns, meaning that people's preferred pronouns might be inspired by animals or objects. While this type of pronoun is thought of as being "new," they've been popular among certain communities for some time.
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Linguist Jason D’Angelo explained to The New York Times that nounself pronouns became popular on Tumblr in 2012 or 2013. The outlet explained that many people who use nounself pronouns are young people who are involved in fandoms or other online communities.
So what are these pronouns exactly? Sex educator Dainis Graveris told Mind Body Green that nounself pronouns "contain preexisting words that are used as pronouns. They are a unique way of exploring one's understanding of their own gender."
Graveris provided some examples. "They can refer to fantasy/animé characters like fae/faer/faeself and vamp/vampself; animals like bee/beeself, kitty/kittyself, and bun/bunself; or other objects like star/starself and moon/moonself," Graveris told the outlet.
But how common are they actually? Not very. According to the Trevor Project, the majority of LGBTQ youth who use pronouns outside of the gender binary use pronouns that everyone is familiar with: some combination of he/him, she/her, and they/them.
The Trevor Project reported that 4% of LGBTQ youth use pronouns like "ze/zir" or "fae/faer."
That means that 96% of LGBTQ youth use pronouns that the majority of people are familiar with. The New York Times spoke to some teens who use neopronouns, and each one had a different reason for doing so. The outlet also noted that neopronouns tend to be more popular among neurodivergent teens.
Speaking to Scary Mommy, Kelsey Pacha, board president of Trans Bodies, Trans Selves, provided advice to parents who want to support their loved ones who use nounself pronouns.
"First, ask the child to share more about their identity, and second, communicate that you want to respect them," Pacha told the outlet.
If you're not used to using the language but you want to be supportive, Pacha told Scary Mommy that it's fine to be open about that by saying something like "using these words is new to me, and I might mess up. Please know I am always doing my best. Would it be OK for me to call you by your name as I learn?"
