When a friend or relative needs money and you have the means to help them, it can be hard to say no. A woman on Reddit opened up about how she has given money to her sister in the past, but her sister's requests have gotten more frequent (and less polite).
The woman, 38, and her sister, 34, didn't grow up with much because they had a single mom. Their mom died when they were still in their early 20s. Growing up, having money was a "constant struggle" for the family. But the woman tried hard to create a more financially secure life for herself as an adult. Her sister is also doing better compared to when they were younger, but she still asks the woman for money sometimes.
The woman is not a millionaire, but she is financially secure.
Growing up in a coastal town led to the woman becoming a marine biologist. Her husband is a teacher and they have a couple of kids, she said. She described her life as "comfortable" though she's not super wealthy, and wrote, "I'm satisfied with my life and think mom would be proud."
She has helped her sister by giving her money before.
Her sister works as a hairstylist and "has a lovely home and a nice husband." Though the younger sister might not have as much as her older sister, she is still doing better financially compared to when they were kids. The woman has given money to her sister before, but noted that "she asks for considerable amounts of money without telling us what she needs it for." Sometimes the woman will ask her sister why she needs the money, and her sister will reply with, "it's not like you need it anyway."
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The sister accuses the woman of 'flaunting' her wealth.
The woman went on to say that she doesn't like the way her sister acts when she visits her house. She usually makes comments about how they live in a "big empty house" and also asks how much certain things in the house cost. "Recently she told me she feels I'm too extravagant with my money, and says I'm 'flaunting' my wealth by having nice things," the woman explained. "She said that it makes her jealous and prompts her to ask me for money."
At the same time that the sister told the woman that she was jealous of her money, she asked for money again. This time, the woman decided to say "no." The woman said that her sister hasn't spoken to her since then, but the sister's husband has reached out saying that the sister is "very upset." The woman asked the Reddit community if she was wrong for saying "no." She also wanted to know if she really was showing off without realizing it.
Some Redditors say the woman doesn't owe her sister money.
Many Redditors said that the sister's expectations were not fair, because the woman doesn't owe her sister money.
"You are not your sister's bank account," one person wrote. "The more you give her the more she is going to expect it, until you might as well just be paying for her whole life. At least she admitted that it makes her jealous but that's not your problem. That's her problem."
What she does with her money is her business.
One Redditor reminded the woman that it is her money, and what she does with it is her business.
"What you do with it is really no one else's business," the person wrote. "Not your sister's, your wider family's, your friend's, no one."
Another person even described the sister as a "leech" and another said there's a difference between "protecting family" and "spoiling."
And some people will think anything constitutes 'flaunting' if they're jealous.
Others pointed out that when someone is jealous of what another person has, they could perceive anything as "flaunting," and it doesn't mean that the woman has done anything wrong.
One person wrote that they grew up poor but then worked hard and ended up having a decent amount of money. That person said they aren't "into flashy stuff," but they were wearing a nice ring and drive a nice car, so a person from high school accused them of flaunting their wealth. "Bitter people will find whatever reason they can to pretend they're justified," the person wrote.
Her sister doesn't even seem to appreciate the help.
Some noticed that although the woman had helped her sister out before, she didn't seem to appreciate it based on the woman's description of the situation.
"Hard to give freely in a situation where it isnt being appreciated," one person responded. "Seems like she was taking advantage of your generosity all this time."
Some wondered why the woman ever gave her sister money when she didn't seem to appreciate it and was actually rude to her.
Some concluded that the woman is actually too nice.
Most thought the woman did the right thing when she said "no" to her sister. A lot of people actually thought the woman was too nice and should've stopped giving her sister money much sooner.
One person responded: "I hate the idea that it's not OK to have nice stuff. It is. You earned it. You worked hard. Your mom would be proud. You're not flaunting. Having stuff is not flaunting. She is welcome to not come over if seeing your house triggers her."
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