Weight is often a tricky topic to manage. Throughout our lives, our weight often changes a few times. Sometimes, a new medication can add a few extra pounds. Or sometimes, in moments of stress, it's possible to overeat as a way of coping.
But sometimes, weight management all comes down to habit. Not everyone is aware of what constitutes a serving size, and not many people want to learn about how unhealthy their dietary choices really are. One woman on Reddit wrote about her niece's eating habits and wondered if her standard advice was a cause for an alarm.
"My brother, 'Tom', has been obese since his early 20s," she wrote. "He drinks 1-2 sodas with every meal, he has a dessert w/every meal, he never eats veg, he drinks beer every week, he eats a lot of pasta/carbs/breads. I'm not hating on my brother, but he's obese due to his eating habits. Tom has been with his wife, Amber, since college, they both eat the same. They have a daughter together 'Mary.'"
"The past 3 years Mary has gained weight," wrote the original poster (OP). "She's starting to eat like her parents 1-2 sodas per meal, desserts 2-3x a day, no veg, lots of cheese/pasta/bread/red meat. She may be approaching the 'obese' category."
"It's pained me to see Mary suffer," she wrote. "She stopped riding her bike a few years ago, she doesn't participate in any outdoor activities anymore, she gets winded going up stairs – she's 16. I haven't said anything until now because I don't want to 'fat shame' her, I still love her regardless." It seems like it's genuine concern for her health over everything else.
It's also affected Mary's dental health. Supposedly, the amount of sugar she's been eating has caused plenty of cavities. "I can't help but worry about her health and happiness," the Redditor wrote. But things got especially awkward when she went to visit the family, and weight became a topic of discussion.
"Last weekend I went over to Tom and Amber's house to have lunch outside. At one point Mary's parents went inside, so my niece and I got to hang out alone for a little while. She seemed sad and I asked what was up. She told me that she had mentioned wanting to lose weight to her parents," the OP wrote.
That's when the OP realized that her niece was being lied to. "They basically told her that weight was all genetics and she had no control over her weight, and she'll eventually be the same size as they are," she said. "My niece brought me into that conversation saying 'well OP is your sister, she's not fat. I could have those genes too!"
Her aunt decided to give her some basic advice.
"I told her that there is a healthy way to control her weight if she's not happy with it," she said. "I asked how much soda/dessert she usually eats. I told her one thing that would help was to drink water with breakfast/lunch/dinner and only have soda as a treat. I also told her to try only having a dessert only 2-3 times a week, instead of with every meal. I told her that over time reducing her intake of things like soda and sugary snacks will slowly lead to weight loss." In general, it's pretty sound advice.
"I figured that was safe enough advice, that I wasn't fat shaming her, and that it would be pretty much okay to tell anyone to cut back on soda and store bought treats with every meal," she said. While the advice she gave is easy and healthy, you better believe that her brother and sister-in-law weren't all that happy about what was said.
"Tom and SIL are angry at me," she said. "They told me I'm giving her unrealistic standards to live by. And that I've now changed their daughter, because apparently she has taken my advice and is asking for water instead of soda now. And won't eat the dessert snacks they buy." All in all, it sounds like a win for Mary. But her parents are giving her a hard time about it.
Looking back at her own story, the OP feels like this may be child abuse.
The choices that Mary is making for herself don't even cost additional money. But her parents are livid that she's advocating for herself. In a way, it's almost like they're punishing her into eating the way they do. "I'm angry at my brother and SIL for basically abusing my niece with extremely unhealthy food options," she said.
Redditor Carbonatite thinks that Mary's parents are afraid to see her succeed, since it'll make them think twice about their own patterns. "If she loses weight, it proves it's not genetics, her parents just suck at self discipline and have nobody but themselves to blame for their obesity," they wrote. "So they're trying to drag this poor teenage girl down to their level because they can't handle an honest look in the mirror."
If people comment on Mary's weight loss, they might feel the pressure to change their own habits. Like many people, they probably use junk food as a comfort, and it's something they aren't ready to give up. But the fact that they aren't applauding their daughter's decision to better her own health is alarming. These tips are good not only for losing weight but also for improving overall health.
Some Redditors even felt like her parents will try to sabotage her when she finds success.
This is one of the saddest revelations of them all — but if Mary's parents are that bent out of shape over healthy food and drink substitutions, they're surely not going to like it when she sees results. "Small things lead to big changes," writes Redditor kitsumekat. "If she wants to lose weight, she got to start small and go from there. It's also on her parents to get their heads out of their butts too. You may need to look out for her. Parents like that will try to sabotage her journey."
This situation is also different because Mary went to her aunt for advice. Her aunt made no comment about her weight prior to. That means that this was on Mary's mind for a bit, and she didn't get any help or encouragement from her own parents. Every parent should be invested in the well-being of their child. Mary's aunt knew something was amiss just by looking at her, and she helped in a positive and loving way.
The aunt hasn't been scared away by her brother, and she plans to continue helping Mary on her life-changing journey. "I have some ideas on what I can do to improve my niece's life," she wrote. "I will try to update in a couple of weeks, if allowed, on what may happen in the future." Hopefully, Mary's future will be bright and healthy thanks to the outpouring of love from her aunt.
