Dealing with parental loss can be tough. Oftentimes, it's important to hold onto a special memento that will always remind you of your parents. Other times, it can be therapeutic to continue forward with a hobby of theirs, to keep their spirit alive.
But sometimes, with siblings, these treasured mementos can lead to a fight — even over something relatively small, like a bouquet. A Redditor who posted under the throwaway username of aitaflowerthrowaway asked whether or not he was in the wrong after denying his sister something that, all of a sudden, became important to her — flowers from their late mother's garden.
"I'm 27 m, my sister is 24," he wrote. "She's supposed to be getting married at the end of this month and has been postponing it since April… I don't have control over her decisions."
He added that their mom has, unfortunately, been out of the picture for a few years. "Our mom died three years ago after a long battle with cancer," he said. "She was an avid gardener after she retired/during her treatment, and she grew a beautiful garden. Her landlord let me take what I could of her garden after she passed." Many flowers were included, with plenty that would have made for a good bridal bouquet.
Transplanting a garden can be difficult, but also very rewarding. It's sweet to know that something his mom cared so deeply about was given a second chance to thrive.
"My sister didn't take any of mom's plants, even when I offered," he said. "I paid to have a lot of the bigger ones relocated and spent the better part of a week covered in dirt and splinters (I am not an outdoorsy or handy guy normally). I put what I could in my backyard with the help of my saint of a wife, and I gave what I couldn't keep to my mom's friends and siblings." They likely appreciated the gesture.
Little did he know, he'd suddenly become somewhat of an avid gardener. "We've since moved to a bigger place and moved the plants with us," he said. "I've since learned how to garden to keep up with the plants." He put a lot of work into making sure the garden stayed as beautiful as it was when his mom was alive.
And now, suddenly, his sister has decided to take an interest. "My sister is asking me to supply her with flowers for her wedding bouquet from mom's garden, so mom can 'be with her' on her big day," he said. "I offered her a rose to place in her bouquet but I told her I wasn't gonna give her a lot of cuttings." But his reason was mostly logical.
"It's November and not a lot are blooming," he said, adding, "This is literally the only time she's ever asked for anything from her garden in three years, and it's as an accessory for her plague-wedding." While he doesn't have much to offer, it does seem as if he's holding a little bit of resentment for his sister getting married at such an unsafe time.
But obviously, that wasn't what his sister wanted to hear. "She wants more flowers, specifically magnolias and irises," he said. "Those flowers are not in season." Upon hearing that news, she has since changed up her ask. "Since she won't be getting the flowers she wants she's now asking for a bouquet full of chrysanthemums and lilies from the garden."
It got to a point of a fight. "I finally got fed up and just told her no, she's not going to get the flowers, I've been taking care of them and she hasn't cared about them until it suited her, and if she wanted them so bad she would have taken the numerous offers I gave her before, and that she needs to stop bothering me about it," he said. It may have seemed insensitive, but he rightfully put a lot of work into it. At this point, it's more his than his mother's.
"She ended up crying and somehow got that I said she didn't love mom or 'deserve' her there on her wedding day, which I didn't say," he said. "Now she's refusing even the rose I was going to give her before and doesn't want me at the wedding." That's something she'll likely regret down the road, especially if they had a decent relationship prior to.
And now his family members are well-aware of what happened. "I feel like the bad guy here, which is what she's been painting me as to our family," he said. "My wife is assuring me my sister is just being her (typical) self-centered self, and the wedding stress is just fuel to the fire." So was he in the right?
Many Redditors did feel as if he was being a little stingy, especially since she was only 21 when her mother died and likely in a different stage of life. "I personally think it's quite persnickety to only grant a single rose," wrote upthecreekwithnocanoe. "If you could do her up a bouquet of her dead mother's ex-flowers, then I'd do her up a bouquet. It's your sisters wedding, at 21 years old was she even in a position to take, plant and care for a load of flowers? Did she even have a permanent garden?"
The answer could have very well been no, as not many 21-year-olds are settled. "I'm more with your sister on this one, if not for any reason that you've shown a total lack of empathy," they continued. "Be a better elder sibling. What else did you get that she didn't because of age and being at different places in your lives?"
Redditor squirrelsareevil2479 also weighed in. "I understand your feelings about your garden and your Mom's plants," they wrote. "You feel your sister hasn't earned the right to have the flowers. Weddings do tend to make people sentimental about family. Even though your sister wasn't interested in gardening, she is interested in the attachment to your Mom."
And that's an extremely valid point. At this moment, she's looking for something to represent her mom and feel close to her on such a big day. The flowers make the most sense. But since it seems as if the original poster has pegged his sister as being selfish, it may be hard for him to validate that viewpoint.
"I think you should consider what your Mom would want," the commenter added. And many people agreed with this sentiment. After all, their mother's spirit is what made those flowers special in the first place. Even if he disagreed with the wedding, he should grant this favor if it's what their mom would have done.
Regardless of whether or not he agrees with this wedding, he should try his hardest to preserve his mother's memory and spirit. If she would have had no problem gifting flowers, or if it would have meant a lot to her, then he shouldn't hesitate. Even if the sister turns into a bridezilla, this is how she really wants to honor her late mother.
These stories are based on posts found on Reddit. Reddit is a user-generated social news aggregation, web content rating, and discussion website where registered members submit content to the site and can up- or down-vote the content. The accuracy and authenticity of each story cannot be confirmed by our staff.
