Relationships between brothers and sisters can be complicated as kids. As adults, they're a whole other animal.
Siblings splinter off to create their own families, and along the way they build their own ideas of family. Getting everyone's kids together can be exciting, but it can also be trying when you and your siblings don't see eye to eye about matters of parenting.
One mom took to Reddit after a dispute with her brother over their kids. It was her daughter's birthday, the original poster explained, when her nephew kept finding ways to fit himself into things that were specific to the birthday girl. OP tried to handle it tactfully at first, but she drew the line when it came to gifts. When she told her nephew it wasn't his day, the reaction was pretty calm. Later, her brother had some words for her.
It all went down at OP's daughter's 7th birthday.
"My daughter's 7th birthday was yesterday. We went by my mom's /her grandma yesterday for dinner, cake, gifts," OP explained.
"My brother and my nephews were there too, daughter gets along well with her cousins."
Even the best cousins can fight over the birthday crown.
"My mom has this 'birthday crown' that she has the kids wear when it's their birthday," OP explained.
"One of my nephews (5) asked my daughter if he could wear the crown for 'a little bit' she agreed."
OP hoped it was a one-time thing but quickly learned that wasn't the case.
"Then when we were doing cake he asked to help her blow out candles. She said sure," OP shared.
"I kinda looked at my brother hoping he'd say something to his son, but he didn't."
Gifts were where mom drew the line.
"Then when we were giving my daughter her gifts my nephew (who still had the crown on) asked my daughter if he could help her open her presents," OP continued. Despite her previous watching from the wings, she figured that was the time for an adult to step in.
The family didn't love how OP handled the situation.
"I stepped in and said 'no, it's her birthday not yours let her open her gifts by herself,'" OP said.
"My nephew seemed kinda pouty."
OP had a particular reason for sticking up for her daughter.
"[The] thing about my daughter is she's too nice sometimes and has a hard time if she thinks saying no will hurt feelings," OP explained.
"This seemed like one of those times."
OP's brother thought she made a big deal out of nothing.
"Later my brother said 'nephew was just having fun, it wasn't that big of a deal,'" OP noted. "They (brother and his wife) let him open their gifts on their birthdays he knows they're not his gifts to keep. I said 'yea but that's you, an adult. She's a kid and should get to celebrate her own birthday without sharing it.' My brother said I'm teaching my daughter to be mean."
People think there was blame to go around in this situation.
There were quite a few people who thought OP wasn't wrong to correct her nephew.
"He is teaching his son that he always has to get his way and be the center of attention," one commenter wrote. "5 is plenty old enough to realize that other people matter and not every day is about them."
"You're teaching your daughter it's okay to say no and have boundaries, and nephew needs to learn how to hear 'no' and respect boundaries," another commenter wrote.
One person emphasized just how important this is, even at their young ages: "I don't want to put the fear of god into you over an interaction between two cute little kids, but Do not. DO NOT. DO NOT LET YOUR BROTHER TEACH YOUR DAUGHTER THAT SAYING 'NO' IS BEING MEAN."
A commenter warned OP not to become her daughter's voice.
One commenter warned OP that stepping up for her daughter can backfire in other situations.
"I get what you mean about your daughter having a hard time enforcing boundaries, but there isn't really an indication that she was in any way uncomfortable or reluctant to say yes to her cousin," the commenter noted. "In this specific instance, unless you've left something out, it sounds more like you stepping in to protect her from herself when she may not have cared all that much. She sounds like a generous soul, I totally understand not wanting her to become a doormat, but please don't go so far in the other direction that it stamps out her kindness."
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