As far as religion goes, many of us start by believing what our parents believe. Some of us change our minds, and others aren't religious whatsoever. In general, religion can be a tricky topic. However, for many people it's important — both spiritually and culturally. It's rare for a child to go on their own with religion at a young age, but it can happen. Sometimes, it's a wonderful experience that will lead your child to make new friends and form independent thoughts. Other times, it can be difficult for parents to navigate, and it can even create a wedge in the relationship.
That's the situation one father is currently in. He wrote on Reddit's parenting forum that he currently lives overseas away from his 7-year-old daughter. Even though he hasn't seen her in a long time, they seem to have a decent relationship. His daughter lives with her mother, who manages to communicate with her ex fairly frequently about parenting decisions she's making.
"We're all on good terms and talk frequently, although I haven't seen them in maybe 4 years," he said. "My ex said our daughter should go to Catholic school because public elementary school is apparently of low quality. Our daughter loved it there, and is doing well."
But a situation rose up that nobody really expected. His daughter now embraces religion, and he's not sure how to go forward.
"With time, she grew to become religious, despite neither her mother or I being religious," he said. "This isn't a problem, but it did cause a dilemma. Our daughter really wanted to get baptized, and while her mother was OK with it, I was more reluctant."
"Reason is, I've always held a reverence for religion, and thought it wasn't something someone should throw themselves into haphazardly," he explained. "If everyone is something, then no one is something. In other words, I thought she was too young to know what she was doing, and out of respect for Christianity, and love for my daughter, I told my ex that I thought she (daughter) should wait until she's at least a teen to know if she's still serious then, and if yes, then get baptized."
He has a point. Religion shouldn't be a choice just because it's the popular thing to do. If his daughter became religious based on her own beliefs, that's one thing. But if she's interested in it just to fit in with some of her school friends, that's a different story. At the age of 7, she might not know what she really wants.
"It's not something that you can take back once committed to, and in my opinion religions shouldn't act like revolving doors," the dad said. "Only become religious after studying said religion, doing soul searching, thinking, asking a lot of questions, etc. not just in-and-out when you feel like it."
But that was soon overruled. "I relented, after our daughter insisted that she was serious, and her mother assured me that (our daughter) indeed loved God and felt like a Christian," he said. "She got baptized and was thrilled about it." The problem for this dad is, what happens in the future?
"My only concern is if she abandons Christianity and later blame us for 'letting' her get baptized when she was too young to know what she was doing, and holds it against us." he said. And that's where his problem is. He's too afraid that it may cause issues down the road.
Redditors assured the dad that religion is always an individual experience. It's up to the person to figure out what they believe, and that may very well change. "As someone who was baptized in a baptist church at a young age (despite never being led in any direction by my parents) I will say this; her journey with God and religion is her own personal journey," said Redditor -charidactyl-.
"My baptism did not actually have much of an impact on my adult life or my journey," the poster continued. "It is more symbolic than anything else. I don’t know about the Catholic faith but I do know that in non-denominational and some Baptist churches it is common practice to re-dedicate your life to Christ multiple times throughout life through baptism."
Redditor adrionallama said that their baptism when they were a baby didn't mean anything today. "I was baptized as a baby even though I had no idea what was going on," they wrote. "I have never personally been religious and I stopped going to church as soon as my parents let me. I don’t feel any connection or meaning to church or religion in any way. I feel like this is common for many people."
In general, a lot of people felt as if the original poster (OP) was putting too much thought into it. Even though they valued the concept of religion, which is admirable, it's different for everyone. It's tough to predict so far into the future to realize whether or not his daughter would still identify as being a Christian or would embrace something else.
Others pinpointed that at the age of 7, it's possible her school friends are scaring her into believing in something she might otherwise not. At that age, children are very impressionable. But even if she changes her mind, she shouldn't blame her father.
Any adult today may think about something they did as a child and laugh. Or they may look back and realize that a decision made at a young age was the best thing they ever did. But unless our parents literally forced us into an activity, they're not really the person we blame for something that didn't work out.
At this stage in life, letting his daughter be baptized is a way for him to support her interests. By saying no for any reason other than doubt about the future, he's coming off as being someone who refuses to let his daughter explore her options. Right now, it may be good since she has something in common with her friends.
All in all, it's an interesting question posed by a father who just wants to do right by his daughter. The fact that they live a distance apart makes it all that much harder. He probably wants to make sure every decision she makes is for her own benefit. No matter what, you can tell he really wants to get parenthood right.
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