It can be super tough when a relationship ends because one person was cheating on the other. Things get even more difficult if the former couple share children — obviously, the two adults will still need to interact throughout the rest of their lives.
One woman recently wrote on Reddit that she and her ex split up because he cheated on her with someone else. The couple share two children, and he's gone on to have three with the other woman. That's all well and good, and she's not interested in pursuing the man in any way … but he seems to think that she is somehow obligated to the three children he's had with someone else.
The woman begins by laying out the history: "I found out my ex was having an affair five years ago. He left me for the other woman who he now has three kids with. We have two together. Our daughter is 10 and our son is 8."
Her ex expects her to take care of his kids for some reason.
For reasons that aren't totally clear, he seems to believe that his ex has an obligation to the three children he's gone on to have. She says at first, she really did try, but things have gone too far.
"At first I did my best to try and put things in the past and think of the kids by being considerate when it came to the siblings, and then they started expecting me to send more and more. I'm talking not just something for Christmas or birthdays, but Easter, whenever I get my kids something big just because."
He even expects her to take them on trips with her kids.
"It was also the expectation that I would take them on fun trips with my kids. That I would have them in my home. And I just can't. I hate my ex, I hate his wife, and I don't love their kids even as my kids siblings. I don't hate them. But I also don't want to be part of their lives."
Right now, their lives are all still too messy.
She doesn't fault the kids, but she feels like she can't do this for them because of how things were between her, the ex, and his new wife:
"Even with them being cute babies and toddlers there is just too much that went on with me and my ex, and his affair partner, that I can't deal."
Her ex is mad and says she should do more.
"Now ex is claiming that this is hurting the kids, I'm a spiteful [expletive], that I owe it to our kids to be a better person, etc and that it made the kids' days to have gifts from someone other than mom and dad since his wife is a former foster kid and he was disowned by his family for cheating (they are very religious and do not approve of divorce or any kind of cheating, and I can confirm they were disgusted by his actions)."
She's not sure what to do.
To a degree, she gets it, and even wonders if she should just suck it up: "I guess part of me does feel bad because kids. The other part me just really resents being in this position and being taken advantage of by my ex and his wife."
Some people were immediately on her side.
The top commenter immediately called out her ex: "Ironic that a man who had an affair and left you for the mistress is telling you to be the better person."
Others say she needs to cut him out completely.
"He's latched onto you like a leech," said a commenter. "Salt won't work here, but he needs to get shut down hard. The cohesion of his family is his business, not yours.
"Good luck, this sounds very tiring but you are absolutely right!"
Ultimately, the parents are responsible for their children.
"He and his new wife can figure out fun days and cool gifts," noted a commenter. "And if he feels bad about losing his family, then he shouldn’t have desecrated your marriage and he can have fun explaining that to his kids when they’re older.
"You are doing more than enough being civil and being nice with gifts at first. But that’s what sucks about being nice, people become entitled instead of humbled and appreciative."
These stories are based on posts found on Reddit. Reddit is a user-generated social news aggregation, web content rating, and discussion website where registered members submit content to the site and can up- or down-vote the content. The accuracy and authenticity of each story cannot be confirmed by our staff.
