At a time when LGBTQ Americans are finding their rights under attack again, it's important to teach our children to be allies.
The LGBTQ community is full of wonderful children who have a difficult time growing up. Often, that's because their peers don't understand or accept them. They can be targeted by bullying, and it can have some truly tragic results.
Straight parents have the power to make changes that can save the lives of LGBTQ youth. The work truly starts at home, with our own families. It's not enough to just explain what it is to be gay.
Kids also need to understand the struggles and risks that LGBTQ youth face. In doing so, we can hope some will be able to step up when it counts and help someone out.
Of course, these conversations don't come easily to every family. Here are some ideas on what you can do to make sure your child is an ally to the LGBTQ community.
Challenge gender norms in your own household.
Many kids who grow up in what are considered traditional households are confused when they see someone who doesn't conform to gender norms. By letting those fall to the wayside in your own home, you're normalizing the idea that people can explore all kinds of things.
It's important that your child know that no matter what they identify as, they'll be accepted. Whether or not it will apply in their lives down the road is a totally different matter. Here, the focus is on modeling acceptance for exploration and different identities.
Let an LGBTQ friend share their experience.
If there's an LGBTQ person in your family's life, they may be interested in helping you develop allyship in your child. If you're going to consider doing this, make sure the situation isn't putting any pressure on the individual to share any trauma. You should never burden this person with doing the instructing, but you can certainly invite them into the conversation. See what they're comfortable sharing, and discuss how you can frame it in a way that your child will benefit from.
Work it into your conversations about bullying.
Bullying is a topic parents are constantly visiting with their kids. Pointing out the way LGBTQ youth experience bullying can really add to that conversation. You want to teach your child to be kind, but also to stand up to injustice where they see it and feel safe to do so.
Teach kids about trust.
Secrets are a very tricky thing when it comes to kids. You never want them to feel like they can't talk to you, so you want to create an environment of trust. That way, kids will know that they can trust you when they're in over their heads.
That said, you should also teach children about the secrets they should keep. Not all LGBTQ people are out, especially in youth. Teaching kids that it's never OK to out someone who isn't ready to be out can save everyone from painful mistakes with serious consequences.
Model good behavior.
It's important that you show your kids that you live by what you're asking them to live by. Call out injustice when you see it, even if they're watching. They might be mortified that you're causing a scene, but when that subsides, they'll recognize how important it is to stand up for others.
You can also surround your kids with people who live by the same values. The more they see the behavior, the more they're likely to behave that way themselves.
Read books that illustrate allyship.
Books can be a gateway to many places and concepts kids don't necessarily understand. There are books for children of all ages that feature LGBTQ characters. Many of these books also offer examples of good and bad allyship. Get your kids reading, and discuss the differences between the two.
Donate to LGBTQ causes.
Kids raise money for all different things throughout the year. The same way you take time to raise money for the soccer team or the PTA, you can come up with a fundraising project to benefit an LGBTQ cause. There are many worthy causes to choose from, but letting your kids get in on that choice will keep them extra engaged.
Talk about current events that affect LGBTQ people.
From your local community to the world stage, there are plenty of opportunities to talk about LGBTQ issues in the context of current events. There are laws seeking rights and laws seeking to take them away. There are vocal lawmakers. Don't be afraid to pick your kids' minds and let it start a larger conversation.
Attend a pride event.
Where possible, attending pride celebrations can be an exciting outing for a family. The vibrant and lively gatherings are a lot of fun for kids and expose them to all different kinds of people. Show kids that sometimes solidarity is showing up in a force of support.
Boycott businesses that do harm.
Teach kids the power of the dollar in powerful and significant ways. If you're boycotting a brand or business and your child inquires why, be honest. Explain why what's happened is wrong and what these actions hope to accomplish.
Teach kids not to expect anything for doing the right thing.
Where a lot of attempts at allyship go south is that people expect praise. You don't do the right thing to be celebrated for it. You do it because it's the right thing to do. It's a lesson that will benefit children in many areas of life. In this one, it's extra crucial.
