Man Walks Out On Wife After Finding Out She Has Ovarian Cancer And Can’t Have Children

So far, it's all understandable. That kind of diagnosis is scary and confusing no matter how old you are, but it's doubly so when you're only 32 and 33. The man's wife asked what this could mean for her, and the doctor was very clear:

"My wife asks what that means for her and he says that she'll likely at least need a full hysterectomy, and they'd have to remove the Fallopian tubes as well as the ovaries."

That is tragic news, again, especially to receive at such a young age. But … this is when the story takes a turn.

The man shares that instead of being afraid, he feels feelings of anger:

"That news jolted me from my chair. Because the doctor was effectively telling me that she wouldn't be able to have kids after this, and after years of work, I thought we'd finally have a family."

"I'm overwhelmed with emotions of anger, not just anger at the disease, but pent up anger [from] the fact that I had begged her to have kids since we were 26, but she refused for her career.

“And now instead of becoming a real family, I didn’t even know if she would remain the woman I married, whether the last picture of us together would be last time I’d remember her looking beautiful, young, and carefree. Because the wife I [had] in front of me was already a different person.”

While it's understandable that the man was caught off guard by this news, it's strange that he so immediately centered his worries about himself: the family he wants, the wife he wants. It definitely makes one wonder about the various reports and articles that report that men often leave women after they receive a serious diagnosis.

The man's wife obviously knew this would be upsetting.

"My wife started to grab my hand and say 'We'll fight this and we'll adopt.'

“But I shook my head and turned to walk out the door. I still had my suitcase in the car so I drove to a hotel because I didn’t know if my wife was going to end up being discharged or what.”

In other words, she received a scary, possibly fatal diagnosis at the age of 32, and he walked out and left her.

While at the hotel, he continued to process his feelings about himself.

"At the hotel, I was at least able to get out of reactive mode, but I was still so disappointed that our dream of a family was over.

“I finally was able to get a grasp on all my emotions and feel more like my normal self in that I knew exactly what I felt about every aspect and how I would react to it from here on out.”

His mother-in-law called him and told him to simply stay wherever he was and not to come back home.

The man hopped on Reddit to find out if he was in the wrong. While defending himself, he again centers only his feelings and his reaction to his wife's very scary diagnosis:

"I wasn't going to expel the cancer if I stayed that night but I did at least make myself aware of my situation. And I feel I have a right to be angry that my hope of biological kids, the only kind I ever wanted, is rapidly fading away."

Predictably, people were quick to point out that yes, in fact, this man is pretty terrible.

"Oh. My God. Your wife deserves far better than you.

“This is not about you or your feelings. No one preempts cancer. No woman should be forced to have children earlier than she’s ready to just to fit into someone else’s grand master plan. The fact that you don’t see her as the person you married when she is more than just an incubator and a baby-making machine is deeply troubling.

“You should go back. Grovel and support the hell out of her. The vows you made were ‘in sickness and in health’.

“Stop being a wet ham sandwich of a man and be a decent human being.”

Another person urged the man not to go back, because he's not going to help anything:

"He should not go back. Cancer patients have a better success rate and recovery if they are surrounded by positive influences around them. My mother had that operation and it took years to heal internally. This high-stress situation revealed his true character and I honestly see no coming back from this. What's there to excuse? Sorry, that you ruined my hopes of a real child because you got cancer? I feel less attracted to you because your oven is being ripped out and we can't get a bun in anymore?"

Another person commented that this guy pretty much confirms their worst fears about humanity.

"Jeeeesus. Sometimes I read a post on this subreddit and think, 'Yep, this is it–THIS is the worst human being.'

“And then this guy goes and prove me wrong.

“Sure, you’re allowed to mourn the loss of what could have been, but you don’t get to abandon your wife during the worst moment of her life and cry victim.

“I really don’t know if you should go back. MIL is probably right, and as others have brought up, negative influences can be harmful to cancer patients (this is very true; I’m a biologist and have written reports on this sort of stuff). If you can’t honestly overcome whatever the hell you’ve got going on and support and love your wife 110%, go kick rocks.”

One commenter pointed out that it's unlikely the couple would have been able to have children anyway:

"If her cancer was already at 'must have total hysterectomy,' I'm not sure they'd have even been able to have children. Depending on the aggressiveness of her particular type, once it causes actual pain, it's been there for a while."

Ultimately, many people agreed with the person who pointed out it was very telling that his wife's first reaction upon finding out she had cancer was to comfort her husband:

"The fact that his wife said 'we'll adopt' after hearing her cancer diagnosis because she knew that was the only thing he'd care about broke my heart. You don't deserve her. I hope this ends in a divorce and she takes you to the cleaners."