As we get further into the year, more parents are facing decisions about back-to-school and looking for back-to-school tips. It takes courage and strength for a parent to make that decision. Whatever you've chosen, you've chosen that because it feels right for your family. It's all you can do.
Moms around the world are reckoning with the same things. LittleThings spoke with two moms about their kids, education, and COVID-19. One is UK-based poetry and fiction author Natalie Reeves Billing. The other is essayist and viral blogger Mary Katherine Backstrom. Both of them are moms of school-age children. Despite the distance between them, their stories are remarkably similar on several fronts. It goes to show just how universal all of our concerns and fears truly are.
These moms got real about how they feel their children have been impacted by COVID changes. Natalie and Mary Katherine both share their worries and hopes for their children academically and socially. They also share their tips for other parents looking at the school year ahead.
We're at a unique time in history right now. More than ever, our experiences feel individual and new. At the same time, as parents, we find ourselves in the same boat.
Regardless of what decision you're making for your kids regarding back-to-school, it's not coming easily. Parents all over the country — and the world — are grappling with fears, anxieties, and concerns as they prepare for the school year ahead. LittleThings spoke with two of those moms, authors Natalie Reeves Billing and Mary Katherine Backstrom.
Both of these ladies have two children who are school age this year. Natalie is mom to 7-year-old Ellie Rose and 8-year-old Nathaniel. Mary Katherine is mom to 4-year-old Holland and 6-year-old Benjamin. Both moms noted that their kids would be pretty pumped about going to school under regular circumstances, but this year is different.
"My young children love school and excel in that setting. Particularly my son, who thrives on routine. He is on the pathway for investigation for autistic spectrum disorder and needs regiment and certainty. He has only one very firm friend, and he misses her a lot," Natalie said.
"My daughter is very sociable and loves her teachers. She is in desperate need of seeing her friends, and seeing them on FaceTime only, only made her more upset and pine for them."
The family is even missing their back-to-school routine. "By now, we would have collected their uniform and chosen their shoes, which they love. We have a routine, which includes a day out and a slice of cake in the shops next door to the uniform shop."
"My daughter is returning to a small school (she will have four classmates), and I pulled my son out of school for full-time homeschooling," Mary Katherine shared.
"Holland is excited to see her friends but very sad to be ending our infinite summer at home. We spent so much time together and got to ride horses at the local farm quite a bit, and she has asked whether or not that can continue. I think she'll be sad to have so much of her schedule given over to school. It's definitely something I'm reconsidering as a parent."
"Benjamin is thrilled to be homeschooling, but of course, he's the kid I want to get back into school! He loves having me as a teacher and said he'll never go back to school again. Maybe I should make this less fun?" she joked.
Natalie and Mary Katherine both had their kids switched to online-only instruction last year and found it to be unsuccessful, to say the least.
"My husband is an emergency medicine physician, so we started quarantine very early in the outbreak. Now that I think about it, the kids have been out of school since early March," Mary Katherine noted.
"My son spent the second half of kindergarten doing virtual lessons, and that was a disaster for everyone. It was too much screen time for him, and way too much pressure for me. We were both perpetually frustrated. It just wasn't a suitable format for such a young kid. But kids are resilient, and he'll survive. Like many other parents, I just wish he had a normal experience."
Natalie feels like her kids also emotionally struggled with the changes made. "COVID has meant that they have lost the momentum they had, and instead of the routine they thrived on, a package consisting of school and after-school activities, they have a haphazard, changing arrangement which has left them feeling quite anxious," she admitted.
"Their mood has changed dramatically because of this, and I worry that there will be a transition period when they actually do return to school, where they will have to remember what it is like to study and work over long hours in a class setting and abide by rules, which we have allowed to bend here and there, in order to have a life and a career of our own. My kids were very eager to learn, but since COVID they have become lazy.
"At first, we had to allow them iPad time, much more than normal, in order to honor our own work commitments. But that backfires, when we tried to then kick-start them back into some sort of longer, more stable routine."
"The kids don't react to us as teachers in the same way. They know they can get away with things and push boundaries with us," Natalie continued.
"I've had to rethink the whole way education works for us and for our personalities as parents. I've introduced learning elements to fun activities such as digging in the garden for different rocks and minerals and recording our finds, or collecting leaves and researching them. Or including them in elements of my own work, like editing videos, which they are now able to do and understand. All things, that in the grand scheme of things, will be useful for the kids to learn."
When it comes to the school year ahead, the moms are listening to their gut and pulling from the experience of the past few months. Mary Katherine's family has been touched by COVID, which largely informed her decisions for the school year:
"Our school district offered four options: in-person school, self-paced virtual school, or virtual attendance that required logging in for large portions of the day. The fourth option was homeschooling, obviously.
"In Florida, our cases are just so high, and since my family has already contracted COVID once, we know how scary and dangerous it is. In-person school was out of the question for our family, and the virtual options just required too much screen time for my son.
"I know everyone is making the best decisions they can with the information they have. There is no perfect answer. For us, the least imperfect solution was homeschooling. Holland will be returning face-to-face with pretty significant social distancing. Her school was opened all summer with no transmission, so we finally feel safe sending her back."
Natalie has struggled with what to do next. She knows that above all else, she wants her kids to be happy. She is worried about the logistics of them falling behind at their respective stages of learning.
"So far as we know, classes are expected to return as normal until further notice. I know everyone is in the same boat of total uncertainty, but if we face another year of school disruptions, we will have to look at a formal online tutor. I'm so worried about the children falling behind. They were doing so well at school, and reports were brilliant, but I know that's not the most important thing," she noted.
"I know that the disappointment about the gap in their education and learning comes from me and my hopes for the kids and their futures. It is me that wanted to see them excel at piano and swimming, and maths and creative writing. They are happy just to be kids, it is us that understand what they stand to lose by taking this time out."
Natalie's husband is at high risk and struggles with wanting the kids to excel academically with in-person instruction and concerns about his own health and safety, as well as theirs. Natalie's concern for the year ahead is the underlying impact of COVID taking over so much of our lives and mental energies.
"My concerns are a world where coronavirus dictates everything that happens in my life, and that of my children. I worry that they won't have the same opportunities now that a gap has opened up in their education. That there won't be the same access to jobs after all this is over. That the world will destabilize and the balance will shift," she admitted.
"I worry about mental health and pray that I have the stamina and steel to guide them through without them having to feel fear or worry, or loss. My children are wonderful and hardly complain, but they've mentioned that I am always so busy, and we don't do the same things we used to do.
"I explain quite honestly to them, that now mummy is a bit like Mrs. Rabbit in Peppa Pig, having to work in so many different roles, that I'm exhausted and tired, and that I'm sorry I'm so busy, and things will change soon. I am now a cook, gardener, nurse, cleaner, homemaker, mum, wife, business owner, DIY expert, marketeer, all the things I was before, with a myriad of other roles adding on top. My children have started to notice that the workload at home is not evenly shared, as my husband spends a lot of time on his own, that is how he deals with the fear of his phobia."
Mary Katherine also admits that the emotions around all of this are intense in a way nothing's ever been before:
"I have a million concerns. I've lost sleep over this. I wonder if I've made the right decision for each kid. If I'm wrong for sending my daughter to school. Could she infect somebody? If I'm wrong for keeping my son at home. Will he learn at an appropriate pace?"
In finding the best way to get her family through it all, she's found a need to accept what she cannot change:
"I have so many concerns, but no perfect answers, so I'm having to loosen my grip on things I can't control. My kids have only expressed concerns about missing their friends."
Moms talk, and both ladies have discussed what's to come with other moms in their social circles. "I have a text thread with other moms from my son's public school. We are all being supportive of one another, and we all made different choices for different reasons," Mary Katherine shared.
"Everyone is worried — nobody feels 100% confident about their decision. Parents prefer ideal situations, and none of this was on our 'plan' this year. The feeling amongst my social circle is hesitant optimism. We all want to make this work for the best, so we are digging our heels in and focusing on that task."
Natalie noted that the conversation between moms in her area has died down significantly as it comes closer to decision-making time.
"We have a WhatsApp group for school mums, and at first, there was a lot of chatter on it, but now everyone is silent, putting their heads down and trying to muddle through. I find that interacting with friends and other mums is hard online or over the phone. I've never been particularly good at keeping in touch that way. I am a face-to-face sort of person," she acknowledges.
"I usually bury my head until things get better, and just press on powering through, but this time I worry the blip is never going to end. I know I need to find a way to connect with the idea of having friendships online and by phone, or my friends will start to fall away, and I definitely don't want that, but in some ways, they remind me that things aren't normal right now. I forget about it when I'm on my own."
Natalie also balances the shift in her own social life with her desire to protect her husband and ease his fears where possible.
"I am quite isolated, particularly by the pressures of staying in for my husband's sake. Arguments have started to happen on a more regular basis, on the way that we are slowly coming back to a new normal," she admitted.
"My husband and I have very different ideas on what that looks like. I put mental health and happiness above everything else. Without that, what am I protecting?"
A sense of community is important for moms, especially in times like these. Mary Katherine and Natalie were gracious enough to share some tips for other moms having a tough time.
"Talk to your children about why decisions are being made. Offer them age-appropriate information. A kindergartner doesn't need to know that 160,000 people have died, but they do need to know that the germs are dangerous," Mary Katherine points out.
"We have sat down and basically said, 'OK, let's answer every question until you feel good about moving forward.' The kids asked thoughtful questions, and I think having some knowledge felt empowering to them. Be honest with the kids, but don't burden them with your stresses.
"Understand that with multiple kids, your solution may look different. We have one kid at home and one kid going back, and that was best for both of them. I can't repeat this enough: There are no perfect answers. We have to balance our responsibilities to our children and to the community with our abilities to make change.
"Some parents are working full time, and their options will be more limited. It is what it is. These are strange times, and we are all just struggling to get by."
Natalie realized that she can take what she's learned about herself and her family in this time and apply it to life moving forward. She recommends other moms try the same.
"Although everything [I've said] so far may seem rather negative, the fact is that I am have discovered so much about myself and my children through facing this adversity. I am much stronger than I ever thought. I am someone that I can be proud of, and I've done that by being honest with myself and with my family. About my feelings and worries, without feeling shame," she said.
"There is strength in admitting that we are feeling overwhelmed. The bonds between my family and I are stronger than ever, as we have tested them, and when the kids return to school, and I win some time back for myself again, who knows what I can achieve then, with more time for me and my own personal goals being catered for, as well as the needs of my children."
It's important that moms remember that we're all imperfect people dealing with an imperfect and unpredictable situation, Natalie points out.
"Everyone handles adversity and challenges in different ways. None of us have the answer. We are all just trying to get through the best way we know how. We may be very changeable and inconsistent, or withdrawn and angry, but as long as we open dialogue at home with our little ones, and listen to them and acknowledge their fears and worries, we may find that we come out the other side closer and more resilient than we have ever been," she said.
"Never again will we complain about where our time goes when the world returns. We will suddenly have enough time to do all the things we never dreamed possible having to live with such little of it now, we will be at last be able to balance our schedules and find that space that we filled with needless noise and distraction.
"I like to concentrate on those positives. My children will return to school armed with a wealth of wonderful experiences. Experiences we would never have had in the hustle and bustle of pre-COVID. They are precious memories our kids will remember forever, hopefully with much fondness, when they are older."
