Raising a child is never an easy task, be they a boy or a girl. Seeing a tiny human through adolescence and ushering them into a healthy adulthood is nothing to scoff at.
But if raising a girl, you have to know that she was already born with a slight disadvantage in this world, factually speaking. As of 2015, a woman makes 80 cents to every dollar a man makes, just based on her gender alone. Raising a daughter adds the specific responsibility of making sure she knows her worth despite all odds.
There are certain things that you should never say to your daughter, whether she's still just a toddler or a teenager trying to figure out where to go with the rest of her life. It may not feel like it at times, but she is listening to most of the things you say to her, and she is taking them to heart. You are, after all, her parent. She loves you and trusts you, even if sometimes she can get annoyed or angry with you.
These are 10 things that you should absolutely never say to your daughter. Some of them might seem like the right thing to say, but you should probably re-think your strategy.
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[H/T: Life Hack]
Thumbnail Sources: Flickr, Moon Stars And Paper
1. "Why Don't You Try To Be More Like Your Sister?"
Or her cousin, or her brother. Every girl should strive to be her best self, not her best version of somebody else. The only way she will be able to become her best self is if she makes her own goals and her own decisions, and develops her own personality or opinions.
This isn't to say that it's bad if a girl wants to be like her sister, but you should never force her into any role she seems unwilling to take.
2. "Stop Crying"
Everyone is entitled to their emotions, and if you tell your daughter to stop shedding her tears, you are saying that her feelings are not valid. Try finding out why she is crying and talking through the issue, no matter how small, before you shut her down.
3. "Don't Do That, You'll Scare The Boys Away"
Never imply that your daughter should shy away from something because it will lose her the approval of male peers. Her goal should be to get the approval of her own self, and from the teachers and good role models in her life, not of the boys in her class.
She should never see herself as only valuable in relation to the opposite sex, but as a full person on her own.
4. "Have You Gained Weight?"
Being healthy starts with being happy, as well as genetics. No girl, no matter what age, should ever feel like she is being judged as a human by her weight. Even side comments on how thin she is looking lately can make her more aware of her appearance and encourage unhealthy habits. The best thing to do is to ingrain a healthy lifestyle early on.
5. "You're Doing It Wrong. Let Me Do That!"
It can be tempting to do things for your daughter every step of the way, but you have to let her try and fail until she succeeds. Tying her shoes for her when she's having trouble will not teach her how to be proactive about getting ahead in life, especially in this competitive world. And yes, it does start that early!
6. "He's Not Good Enough For You"
Whether it's a budding romance or even just a friendship, it's dangerous to concretely disapprove of your daughter's relationships. She should be able to figure out why some people aren't good to be with, and why others are, on her own. Instead of disapproving right away, make it clear that she can come to you with any problems, as she works out if this is someone who is a good match for her life.
Of course, if someone is dangerous, that's a different story, and you should intervene. But if it's a harmless mismatch that may simply lead to an unpleasant breakup down the line, let that life lesson play itself out.
7. "Act Your Age"
If you tell a young girl that she is too young to be thinking so seriously about her future, or about serious topics, you could be discouraging her from using that big, beautiful, logical, inquisitive mind of hers.
On the other hand, if she is older and still has big dreams to become an artist or a musician, don't discourage her. Help her get on the right track with a field that she loves, helping her make choices to enter a lucrative profession while also pursuing her dreams. It won't necessarily be easy, but it's not impossible and it's definitely worth taking the time on.
8. "You're Quite The Handful"
Hearing that she is too much trouble to deal with can really diminish a girl's sense of self-worth. She should never feel as if she is taking up too much space and time. She should feel like she is entitled to be seen and be heard just as much as anyone else.
If you remind her of what a handful she is, she may revert into herself and be unable to blossom to her fullest potential.
9. "Don't Be Ridiculous"
If your daughter is worried about something like school or thoughts she's been having, do not dismiss her as being ridiculous or out of line. Fear exists for a reason, and anxiety can be crippling for some people.
Again, her feelings are valid, and you need to listen to her and help her work through tough times. If you dismiss her words as ridiculous, she'll be wary to approach you in the future. A big problem could manifest right underneath your nose and you won't know until it's too late.
10. "That's Not For Girls"
This may just be the very worst thing you can ever say to your daughter. There are very, very few things in this life that are actually not for girls or not for boys, like, maybe, using a urinal or having to buy tampons – both things that are factually dependent on anatomy.
Don't discourage your daughter from entering a male-dominated field or participating in an activity that has historically been for boys. She wants to sign up for wrestling? Awesome, that's great exercise and she'll become a strong, confident woman. She wants to join the robotics team as the only girl? Amazing, she will break many barriers later in life. Be proud when she doesn't want to wear a dress, because she knows exactly who she is and who she wants to be.
Did we miss anything from our list? Let us know in the comments, and please SHARE with friends and family!
