Most people's opinions are informed, at least in part, by their experiences. As a result, sometimes you have an opinion you don't share because it feels too unique. A subreddit dedicated to those subjects recently had an interesting conversation about parenting. Many people chimed in on the conversation about how parents could be better prepared for the experience of parenting.
An abuse survivor took to Reddit to share their opinion on a measure that could help keep children safe. The original poster (OP) asserted that if parents were required to take parenting classes on abuse, basic child care, and more, fewer children might have to endure abuse. OP also pointed to many other societal ills that could be traced back to a negative childhood experience.
There were many replies in favor of such training. Many believed it would be effective in preparing parents and could be done in coordination with other social work agencies. Others believe that the training would infringe on people's privacy. Some argued that the training could be implemented, but that didn't force anyone to take it seriously.
A Redditor began a debate about whether or not mandatory parenting classes could help people be better parents and, in turn, save more children from abuse and neglect.
"As a victim of abusive parenting, who also knows others in a similar boat, I am now grappling with mental health issues," OP shared.
"I'm unable to work or be productive because of it," OP continued.
"I'm so sick of the excuses 'we did our very best' or 'your parents just had a different love language.'
"Sure, abusive parenting might always be around, but it might be less prevalent, easier to spot by other people, and the excuse of 'we didn’t know _____ is bad' can be reduced. From a less personal standpoint, mental health problems, personality issues, and other things that lead to a less healthy society often are started or triggered by childhood trauma/abuse."
A commenter who had also endured abuse completely understood the perceptive. The commenter elaborated on and offered additional helpful ways to achieve the goal of protecting children.
"Another child of narcissists here. I agree that education and training can prevent a lot, but I don't exactly trust adults to correct their behaviors as much as I trust children when they tell me something is wrong," the commenter acknowledged.
“On top of parenting courses, covert abuse could be better prevented by including psychology in early curriculum. Covert abuse is so dangerous and damaging because children don’t understand what’s happening to them until they reach adulthood; where the trauma has started to set in. Start giving children the knowledge and power to escape early.”
Another commenter agreed with the sentiment behind requiring parents to take some sort of formal training but explained why the execution needed to be different.
"I think that trying to teach people with narcissistic tendencies how to be good parents when they are adults is backwards," they noted.
"We should be teaching children about mental health, coping strategies, and verbal abuse in schools. We have physical education, why not mental health education?"
A person raised by an overprepared parent shows the flaws of formal preparedness. “I think this can go both ways. My mother-in-law took parenting classes, read books about parenting and studied all this stuff while she was expecting my girlfriend. And that’s her go-to excuse to judge on others parenting skills, claiming that she was/is the best mother it exists, as she spent thousands of hours thinking of every aspect of my girlfriend’s life,” the commenter wrote.
“Turns out she’s just a crazy helicopter parent, there has been too many times to count that I needed to comfort my girlfriend because of this, for her, it’s basically do exactly what her mom plotted for her or get disowned. She has so many artistic talent but won’t explore that skill set because her mom thinks she will never succeed/ be someone in life, whatever that means, heck, I’m even surprised that she let us stay together so far, as my life is not that stable as theirs.”
Another survivor of abuse argued they didn't feel classes would make a difference in many instances. "Lessons don't help. I was beat and neglected as a child, to the point the state took my brother and me away. They then let us go back after my parents took parenting classes. Things didn't change and we were then taken away," they noted.
“I didn’t know until recently that I actually have about 10 half-siblings that were all taken away before my brother was born and the state still allowed these people to keep him and me.
“My brother and I were then adopted, I was six and my brother was eight. Our new parents had to take classes to adopted us, this didn’t prevent my mother and father from being emotionally abusive. I have never confronted her about it, and I probably never will because it’s just not worth the fight.”
When a commenter argued that you can't teach a person who is unwilling to learn, OP suggested people throughout a child's life should apply more pressure to see the dynamics between parents and kids.
"I do think at the doctor's office they should be more thorough in asking particular questions about what the parents say and how they interact with their children," OP replied.
"And it might prevent some of the narcissistic parents who tend to be more law-abiding."
Some people will feel that this level of regulation in parenting infringes on their right to privacy, another person argued.
“It would be impossible to enforce and implement, and would most likely require systemic changes that would cost billions of taxpayer dollars. People would not agree to being subject to the state like that,” the commenter replied.
“You would need registration and permitting, and it would create an underclass of ‘illegal humans’ almost instantaneously.”
One person argued that people who become parents through accidental pregnancies and other means shouldn't be subjected to that kind of requirement and possible criticism at a time when they're still getting used to the idea.
"I definitely think there's a good case to make this a requirement before adopting, but not procreating," they wrote.
“Accidents happen. Condoms break, women forget to take their pills and drunken mistakes are made. What exactly would you do to enforce it in cases of unplanned pregnancies? Would the parents have to take it before or after the birth? What about when the child’s paternity is contested?
“Also, do you think it’s reasonable to impose a further burden on parents during the already busy and hectic period that comes with the birth of a child?”
We're in a time where it's hard to see past the logistics that stand between us and programs that will make us a better, healthier society. OP isn't ambitious with their idea for what should be done and acknowledged that many other ideas mentioned would help make matters better. It seems that what everyone is looking for are effective tools to keep children safe — a cause we can all get behind.
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