Families are often quite interested in the partners who are brought into the fold via marriage and relationships, which is natural. What is a little unnatural is when families get too interested and they cross a few boundaries in an effort to learn everything they can about someone.
One man recently wrote on Reddit that, after he and his girlfriend moved in together, his family hired a private investigator and didn't tell either of them about it. His girlfriend isn't too upset, but he's incensed.
They made the decision after the two moved in.
"My girlfriend and I moved in together last month and I'm planning on proposing soon," the man began. "I introduced her to my family before we moved in together. A few weeks after the introduction my parents, brother and some other family sat me down to discuss something 'serious'. After I told everyone we were going to live together my parents, uncle and brother had a private investigation done into on girlfriend."
His girlfriend used to have a gambling problem, but she's open about it.
"I'll say up front that 14 years ago my girlfriend had an admitted gambling problem," he continued. "It's not a secret. She works with gamblers anonymous, she is a sponsor for recovering gambling addicts and she's posted about gambling addiction online and done many speeches and interviews about it over the years. She's spoken before politicians about it too. Anyone who searches her name, looks at social media or even talks to her would know."
The problem only ever impacted her.
"She told me about it the second time we met after our first date because she wanted to be honest. I also want to say though she makes no excuses when she used to gamble she was self employed, financially supporting herself and didn't have any kids or people depending on her so she only ever used her own money and affected herself. She didn't affect others financially or borrow or steal from family or friends."
She was able to stop on her own.
"She doesn't make excuses but what ended up getting her to quit was moving in to help her grandfather and once she was made a cosigner on his bank account and bills she realized she needed to stop," the man explained. "Since she stopped she served 8 years in the army, is in the national guard now and became a condo owner and has no debt and a great credit score."
He doesn't have a perfect past, either.
"Firstly she was honest with me and secondly it was in the past. I'll admit to dumb things when I was younger, the same age she was when she gambled. I used to be one of those idiots with a modified car who went to parking lot meetings with other people like me. I used to drive like a complete idiot thinking I was Vin Diesel in the fast and the furious. It took someone I knew dying in a crash to smarten me up. I thank the universe every day I never hurt myself or another person. I don't think I have room to talk about other people's pasts considering mine. I was also honest to my girlfriend."
He thinks his family seriously crossed some boundaries.
"My girlfriend isn't mad about the background check but I am. It was a complete invasion of her privacy. My family knows things about her finances and other things I consider private. She has no criminal record, tickets or driving record, bankruptcies or debt and she served honorably with the army and has medals. There was no need to investigate her. The only problem they had is the gambling. I think they're hypocrites to say it's a deal breaker when my own driving record from that time is filled with speeding tickets and I have a sibling in federal prison."
He blew up at his family — was it the right thing to do?
"I went off on them and left the meeting and I told everyone involved how wrong and creepy they were," he admitted. "My brother has been telling me I overreacted and my girlfriend isn't mad so now I'm not sure if I'm being to sensitive about this and shouldn't be mad."
People are pretty stunned.
As one commenter noted: "That's a hideous breach of privacy. I don't think I'd ever be able to forgive them."
They also praised him for standing up for his girlfriend.
"Your girlfriend sounds awesome and incredibly forgiving," one person said. "Your family sounds invasive and judgements. Good job standing up for yourself and your gf."
There's really no excuse for their behavior.
"You're family is incredibly invasive and that's really uncomfortable," another commenter said. "Intentions don't matter, actions do. They obviously don't trust your judgement and therefore, took it upon themselves to investigate your s/o.
"Good for you for standing up for your relationship. Despite it being against your family, sometimes, family can be extremely toxic and hiring a P.I. is about as toxic as it gets."
These stories are based on posts found on Reddit. Reddit is a user-generated social news aggregation, web content rating, and discussion website where registered members submit content to the site and can up- or down-vote the content. The accuracy and authenticity of each story cannot be confirmed by our staff.
