Barry Farmer had a different kind of childhood. After spending plenty of time in foster care, he realized that he could make a similar difference in someone's life. So he applied to be a foster parent at the age of 20.
He knew he was a little young, but he was also looking for more of a purpose in his life. The foster care agency admitted that he was very mature for his age, but gave him the hard truth — as a young, single guy, he might not be the first choice for placement.
"After talking to the director of programs she was like, ‘Wow, impressive maturity. I'm willing to take a chance and license you as a foster parent,'" he told Today Parents. “The director was like, 'I can get you a license. But to be honest a young, single male, social workers are not going to be kicking down the door asking for you.'"
Barry — now 34 and the host of The Barry Farmer Morning Show With Sharon Lizzy radio show, in Richmond, Virginia — waited a year until his first placement. He welcomed a 16-year-old who ended up staying with him for about six months. After that went well, he was ready to meet his second placement — and, as it turns out, this one would end up changing everything.
"They asked if I want to try another teenager or do I want to go with a 7-year-old," he told Today. "'Why don't we go with the 7-year-old and see how it is going to go?' It seemed like I could be a little more active and take him places." Barry then went to meet the child who'd become a temporary member of his household.
Barry admitted to the publication that he had some thoughts on the child before getting to meet him in person. "This child, in my head, is Black," he said. "When I got there, he was just the whitest white child that I ever worked with. I thought, 'Wow this is going to be interesting.' Because I have no clue what I am doing."
But soon enough, Barry realized that what the child looked like didn't matter — because all children in the foster system are ultimately looking for the same thing. And that's a place where they can feel safe and loved. While foster children don't necessarily share the same experiences, they hope for foster parents who are fostering for all the right reasons. Knowing how foster homes felt firsthand, Barry was perfectly equipped to take the child in.
The boy introduced himself as Jaxon, and Barry quickly felt a connection with him. "He was so loving and caring," Barry noted. "He just wanted some hugs and to call me dad." The two got along very well, but then Jaxon ended up leaving. He was about to be adopted by another family, but in the end, it didn't work out.
While Barry was only 22, he really missed Jaxon and realized that he wanted the boy to officially be his son. "Going from true strangers, we built a bond in six months where we felt comfortable enough to be father and son," Barry said. Soon after the adoption was official, Jaxon asked him about the possibility of having siblings.
That seemed like a big ask for the 22-year-old. And since Jaxon had asked literally minutes after the adoption was official, Barry admitted it was a little overwhelming. But eventually, he warmed up to the idea. "Once I was taking care of him, he did need a sibling," he said.
The new family met up with a boy named Xavier who lived out of state. He was also in need of a family, so Barry made a point to visit him and get to know him. "Kids need to know that you are committed to them," Barry recalled. "I wanted to be that person for him."
What inspired him to father the boys was the fact that he, himself, knew how hard it was living without a parent. "What motivates me are those feelings of rejection of not having my parents around," he admitted. "My grandmother, she didn't have to take me in. I didn't even know her." But between his grandmother and foster care, he thrived.
Soon after adopting Xavier, Barry learned about another boy who needed a foster home. At first, he turned the agency down, simply because he hadn't adjusted to being a family of three just yet. But when they called for a second time about the same boy, Barry knew it was fate. They welcomed Jeremiah to the family last.
The family became complete. Right now, Jaxon is 19. Xavier is 17, and Jeremiah is 11. Even as a single parent, Barry wouldn't take anything back. "Single parenting is not wrong," he said. "It is very doable with a village."
It's incredible to think about how Barry has changed the lives of these three boys. He's quick to pay them plenty of compliments on social media, and he has urged other parents thinking of fostering to open their hearts up to adoption, as well. "It’s also given me an opportunity to be the father I wish that I had," Barry said. Even though his childhood didn't include a mom or a dad, that only inspired him to be the person he wishes he had when he was in the same situation.
