A Divorced Mom Is Furious When Her Ex Asks For Half Of Their Children’s Stimulus Checks

"I told him no because I don't feel he deserves it," she explained. "Now hear me out. The court ordered $251 a month in child support when we got divorced. I asked for the lowest possible amount only because I knew that he didn't make that much and I make significantly more than him. Right after the divorce was finalized, my mom and I told him that if he was struggling, not to stress about the payments because the girls would always be taken care of BUT that he was not absolved of his responsibilities."

But maybe that was a mistake. "Obviously, we should not have been so easy on him because he barely made a single payment for 2 years, just some extra cash here and there," she said. "Then recently, he bought a brand new 2021 SUV and that was a huge slap in the face so we got tougher with the payments and now he's been paying the $251 a month for the last 6 months."

When she explained how this was an insult, he chose to fight back. "When I gently explained all this to him, he got defensive because 'It's not really my money, it's the governments money for our kids' and that he should be entitled to some of it," she said. "Then starts to threaten having to go back to court for half custody so that he would get 'what he's entitled to.'"

"I mentioned to him that he does in fact have half custody, everything was split completely down the middle, including health insurance, school and extracurricular activities — which he does not pay for either because he feels the kids 'shouldn't need to go to an expensive school and have all these extra activities when he doesn't have the money for them in the first place.'"

So it seems as if even after missing child support payments, he's trying to shortchange the kids anyway.

So she's not necessarily asking for his contribution there. But there's other stuff he's openly avoiding.

"I also should add that he does not pay for half their insurance or medical bills, but he feels that because my family and I are more well off than him, that I should be giving him part of my stimulus check," she said.

In the post, it's obvious that she still cares about his well-being. "When I asked him what he needed it for, he said to just to have on hand in case he needs it. This is where I don't know if I'm being too controlling, but I told him (today and many times before) that if he is ever struggling, I will gladly help him," she said. "If he's short on groceries, or needs to go to the doctor, etc, I have no problem helping him."

"He doesn't want that help, he just wants some of my stimulus money to have on hand and then accused me of being controlling because 'I only want to help him in the ways that I want to help, not how he wants it,'" she concluded. She wanted to know if she was in the wrong, and Reddit had no trouble weighing in.

It's one thing to be struggling because of the layoffs and salary cuts caused by the health crisis. But buying the new car seems to be a bit of a cringey move. If he needed a car, surely he could have gotten one for much cheaper. Or he could have depended on public transportation. It's tough when someone has no money for their kids but still wants to show off their personal purposes.

Redditor Banzewrld said it best: "The money is for taking care of the children and should be used for the children. If he isn't paying anything for them then he doesn't need any money."

And that's the truth. He didn't plan on earmarking the money for a fun activity for the kids. If he did, maybe the story would be different.

"You are spending the money on the kids and he isn't covering his share of the costs," writes Fraerie. "That doesn't entitle him to 'recover costs' of his child support payments, he's lucky you're not going after him for back pay on the payment he missed. Maybe tell him you're applying the kids stimulus money to his outstanding payments."

"You sound like an intelligent, level headed woman so why are you even asking?" said AprOmIX. "Nothing in your post is against you, it makes zero sense for him to even ask. I assume you are too used to cut him some slack but since you are divorced, it is not your job to baby him anymore."

No matter why a relationship ends, it's no longer someone's responsibility to make sure the other has things paid for. Yes, it's in the best interest of the children. But if an ex-partner doesn't choose to grow up, they can't expect their former partner to do it for them. It's unclear if this guy is actively looking for more work. And he should consider himself lucky that the original poster has given him so many lifelines already.

It seems as if this dad only considers the kids when they may make him additional money. Technically, he should be stepping up a lot more than he is. Threatening court because she's not giving him additional cash is a bad look. And the fact that he has no idea what this money would go toward makes it seem as if he possibly already spent it on items solely for himself.

If you need help, that's one thing. But this is taking advantage of the situation. The mom owes this dad absolutely nothing. Her kindness and support throughout these trying times should have been enough. If the money was given to the kids, the kids should keep it and use it for something they enjoy. It's been a tough year for them, too.