A lot of couples share their expenses and have joint bank accounts after they get married, but that's not true for everyone. Some married couples still prefer to keep things separate, or they at least separate personal expenses.
One woman recently shared on Reddit that she and her husband don't share finances, but they do contribute to their household expenses equally. The arrangement recently kicked off a pretty major fight in their lives.
He doesn't want her to ask him for money unless it's an emergency.
She explains, "He's pretty admant on being respected when it comes to money, meaning I should not be asking him for money to pay for personal stuff, and the same goes for him. Save for when it's an emergency."
He recently didn't help her buy a dress.
"Last month, I was at the mall shopping for a dress to wear at my sister's wedding and the money wasn't enough," she continues. "I called my husband to ask him for money, about $200 but he refused even though he had the money. I wasn't upset…well yes I'm not gonna lie, I WAS upset about it cause I ended up buying a cheaper dress but I didn't make a fuss or fight with him for not giving me money."
So she didn't help him with a hospital bill.
"Just a couple of weeks ago, he was involved in an accident, it wasn't serious but his knee was bad but got worse," she goes on. "He asked if I could help him pay for the hospital bill because he didn't expect to stay longer due to his injury but I refused, He begged but I said no was still no."
They had a big fight.
"He tried to guilt me into paying by saying that I have money, and that he's dealing with an emergency. I said his irresponsibility whether with money or driving wasn't my problem. He ended up getting help from his mom. infact, she paid for the entire bill then grilled me hard about my refusal to pay. She called me a Vile b—hbag and said that I was devoid of empthy or any wife material to do this to my husband. I was bothered by her harrassement and told my husband to get her to back off, he sided with her. I had an argument with him about his double standards where I'm expected to pay for him and him not doing the same for me like the dress incident a month ago."
He doesn't agree with her.
"He looked at me in disbeif, called me insane and said that I was at fault for not helping him cause, unlike the dress incident, this was actually an emergency, even said I stepped out of line to act this petty and vindictive. I walked out of the room to cool off but it lasted for days and he's still salty about it. don't even get me started on his mom."
People think there is more going on here.
One commenter wrote, "I know couples who keep separate finances but they don't have this level of hostility towards each other's financial situation.
"It's concerning that he asked if she'd pay him back the $200 and she said no, but she indicates that she's struggling. Is he demanding to keep separate finances which is keeping her at a significant deficit compared to him and is that causing her resentment? He said that he'd pay her back for the hospital expenses, but if she didn't have $200, how would she have money to pay a hospital bill?
"Their relationship with money is antagonistic, possibly more on her part than his, or someone is not good at managing their money which started the whole separate finance thing, and it's causing major friction.
"There's too much to unpack here. We need a lot more info, but the reality is they need couples counseling and possibly financial education."
And that it sounds like neither of them wants to help the other.
"I get the sense that he’s financially doing better than her. And that the 'agreement' to keep money separate was also his choice and not so much a mutual decision. So she needs a dress for her sisters wedding, hopes he can help her afford a nice one, and is disappointed when he refuses.
"But while his medical bills were unexpected, he shouldn’t go around reminding her to save up for a rainy day when he’s not doing the same. It’s not about the need/severity of the situation here, it’s the utter lack of concern for the needs or wants of your partner that has them BOTH refusing to help or even be concerned about the other."
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