Building relationships in your workplace can be an interesting experience. People from all different walks of life are thrown together in a space with common tasks. Once in a while, you're lucky enough to find a friend to power through the days with you.
At the least, most people try to be friendly to their coworkers. One woman thought that was what was going on when she befriended a coworker about twice her age. She quickly learned the lonely woman had trouble with boundaries, however. That led the young woman to Reddit to ask for advice on an awkward situation that arose between them.
The young woman explains that she's been friendly with this coworker for a while. She's been talking to her about her upcoming wedding. During one of those conversations, the older woman decided to offer to buy her a wedding dress. The shy younger woman asserted that she appreciated it, but it wasn't necessary. That didn't stop her coworker from doing it anyway.
A woman who found herself in an awkward and confusing situation with her coworker took to Reddit to ask for advice on how to handle it. The woman explains that the story might make her look ungrateful, but it's also made her question her relationship with this coworker.
"I have this coworker who I thought was super sweet. She's older, around 50, and childless. I'm 25," she explained.
She explains that she's been sharing some details about her engagement and upcoming wedding with her work friend.
"She and I talked a lot at work and I've told her about my fiance and our engagement. She offered to help with my wedding, and she offered to buy me a wedding dress," the younger woman revealed.
"With me being the humble, shy girl I am I politely refused her overly kind gesture. I told her it was okay, she didn't have to do that for me."
She also has been hesitant about being so friendly with this woman after recent observation.
"Over time I have been discovering she is someone you have to be very careful with," she explained. "She loves to bad mouth other people while being sweet to their face."
Unfortunately, her no came too late. "So, before I came to the notion above, she decided to buy me a wedding dress after she asked me about the styles I liked. Yup, low and behold this lady bought me an actual dress!" she shared.
Let's just say the dress was not what the bride-to-be expected. "I thanked her and tried it on at home while my fiance was at work. It was nothing like the photo of the dress she said she was going to order," she said.
"It was poorly made with cheap material, and it looked terrible on me. I am average built and this made me look like I had an 8.5 months pregnant belly and HUMONGOUS hips!!! I was thinking to myself, 'No way! Where did she get this thing?'"
She was pretty set on not wearing the dress. "I was assuming it probably cost like 20 bucks from some crappy China-based site. Needless to say, I will not be wearing it to my wedding."
As if that wasn't enough to deal with, her coworker was still feeling generous.
"Later on, my coworker surprised me and said she was going to order me a hairpiece to go with. Again, I politely declined her offer. And? You guessed it. She ordered me a hairpiece," she said.
"I opened the package, not knowing what kind of hairpiece this was going to be. It was a freaking tiara. I was like, 'Are you kidding me?' This lady knows I'm not super girly, she knows I'm rather tomboyish, and that's what she got me. It too, was super cheaply made, and it was too small for my fat head anyway."
To the bride-to-be's horror, her coworker's generosity hadn't run out. "Then, she started telling me I need four dresses for my wedding. One for engagement photos, one for the rehearsal, one for the ceremony, and one for the reception," she continued.
"This time, with a little more annoyance, I told her that I do not need all this. She bought me an 'engagement dress' anyway. This thing was HIDEOUS. Denim, low square-cut neckline, and 3 sizes too big. It came from Old Navy of all places."
Her fiancé has also let her know how he feels about the too-kind coworker. “My fiance has met her and he does not like her. He is a very good judge of character and he knows something about her is fishy. I have picked up on it too as time has progressed,” she noted.
The whole situation has left the woman with a lot of questions about her coworker and how to handle the situation moving forward.
“So my questions are this: Why would this lady I work with (whom I still don’t know super well) go out of her way to order me a bunch of cheap [expletive]? I get that it’s a nice gesture but in my mind, if you’re going to buy someone a wedding dress, why would you order something from somewhere that you know is going to be so badly made?”
“Why would you order a tiara for someone who you know is not into that sort of thing? Why would you buy someone this crap even though they repeatedly (and politely) declined it? I feel like this lady has overstepped her boundaries. I have taken all the [expletive] she gave me and donated it. So. What are your thoughts on this bunch of malarkey?”
A lot of commenters shared a common question. Had OP (the original poster) invited her coworker to the wedding in the first place? She said she had not; she had simply shared some details politely when she was asked about it.
One commenter delivered a helpful dose of perspective on the situation. “Her doing this to you is not ‘a nice gesture’ as you put it. You have not asked this woman to buy you anything. You are uncomfortable with it and you have asked her to stop! And she hasn’t stopped! This is not nice, this is bordering on harassment! Stop this immediately!” the commenter wrote.
“Why does she do it? Likely, you will never know, it doesn’t matter. It’s her problem, not yours. What you should be asking is: How can you prevent her from continuing to buy you stuff and making you uncomfortable?“
“And the answer: Return all the Gifts at once and next time she pushes something at you, stay very very very firm and do not accept it. Do not take the box, do not open the box, do not take anything home with you to try on!”
The commenter acknowledged that it puts OP in a tough spot, but it’s necessary.
“It is going to be very hard to do this the first (few) times, but it is going to stop her from continuing. I had a similar problem with a neighbor once who bought stuff for me without my consent. I felt rude while pushing the stuff back at him and going into my flat. If he left it in front of my door afterward, I would put it in front of his with a note that the next time he did that, I would simply put it in the trash,” the commenter shared.
“You have never asked this person to buy anything for you, let alone something so personal as a wedding dress! Do not feel guilty for pushing something back at her without looking! She is the one who is treating you disrespectfully by buying you stuff that you clearly do not want. Be polite but firm as long as possible, but if polite doesn’t work, drop it and stay firm! She is very rude in forcing her attention and her things on you. Make this stop! Do not accept anything else!”
OP was grateful for the feedback and says it really resonated with her. “I agree … This really is gold. You make an awesome point. It helps to get someone else’s perspective, from the outside looking in. And…You’re totally right. What she’s doing is being pushy and subtly rude. She wants to make my cake and get overly involved in planning the event,” she said.
“I’m no longer going to discuss anything with her that is not work-related. There is no way I’m going to let her get involved anymore. She can go behind my back and tell my other colleagues I’m selfish and ungrateful but hey, I don’t really care because they know she’s two-faced anyways. They’ve [alluded] to that before and now I’m seeing it.”
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