It’s not easy planning a wedding. Every past family trauma tends to get rehashed. One sister is the cause of her family wedding drama. She took to Reddit’s popular AITA forum to see if she was in the wrong and users let her have it.
This woman refused to go to her sister’s wedding because she learned there will be kids also attending. She felt like she had to raise her much younger sister and is “triggered” by any and all kids. Reddit users were quick to point out the holes in her argument.
The sister has a grudge.
The woman begins by giving us some background information. She is trying to get sympathy and rally others to her cause. “I (40F) am significantly older than my sister, 25F,” she began. “As such, after she was born, I was repeatedly looked over and parentified by my parents in favor of her. Examples of this include giving my old clothes and toys to her (without my permission), rather than preserving them as a keepsake of my childhood. In short, my inner child has had to do a lot of healing over the years. I am low contact with my parents and sister, but apparently she is engaged and wants me to be a part of the wedding party.”
The sister made some assumptions.
The sister cannot be around any kids because of her childhood and expects people to work around this. “Now, I am not comfortable around children of any age,” she explained. “It is part of my trauma; being around them for me comes with a sense of responsibility that reminds me of the neglect I suffered at the hands of my family. My sister knows this, so I assumed with her asking me to be in the wedding, that the wedding would be childfree.”
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This is when things broke down.
The woman discovered there would be kids at the wedding and gave an ultimatum. “During a discussion, she mentioned her fiancé’s best friend’s daughter would be serving as flower girl and our cousin’s son would be ring bearer,” the story continued. “I reminded her that I would not be comfortable around children and expressed my disappointment that she would invite me to be in a wedding that is not childfree. She looked sad for a second and told me that there were many young children and families that are close to her and her fiance and the day would feel 'incomplete' without them, and if I really wasn’t comfortable around children to that extent, she would understand if I am unable to attend.”
Social media was used.
The woman was upset that her sister wanted kids at her wedding. She took it a step further. “I was deeply hurt and needed an outlet, so I did something that might make me TA,” she explained. “I am friends with some other family members on facebook, and I made a post about how my sister was kicking me out of the wedding and that my parents were taking her side, all because of the trauma that they contributed to themselves. I didn’t go into detail because I didn’t think it was anyone else’s business, I just wanted to vent. Now, people are apparently refusing to go to my sister’s wedding unless I am reinstated as part of the wedding.”
The woman is holding her ground both refusing to go to the wedding or setting the record straight for her extended family. Reddit users pointed out her entitlement.
The woman's childhood doesn't sound that bad.
Many users pointed out that the woman’s childhood was actually pretty standard. “Your parents giving your hand-me-downs to your sister is not parentification,” one user mused. “It's economics. You didn't lose your childhood because your sister wore your old sweatshirt or played in your old playpen. One could easily turn things around and your sister could complain that she was treated worse because, while her older sister got all her things new, she had to make do with 15-year-old leftovers.”
Lies were told.
Users took issue with how the woman told her side of the story on Facebook. Many pointed out she lied. “You weren't disinvited, your sister let you know you could decline the invitation to join if you were uncomfortable,” one user wrote. “If everyone else is choosing not to come you are manipulating what happened in the telling.”
The woman is not acting maturely.
Many on the site thought this woman needed to get over herself.
“You need to grow up,” advised one user. “Sounds like your trauma is kids, any kids, get more attention than you. Won’t go to your sister’s wedding cause there will be kids there…..good grief.”
Reddit users agree.
At the end of the day, this woman has some soul searching to do. Reddit users were absolutely not on her side. Perhaps she needs to do some more internal work.
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