Data doesn’t lie. There are plenty of young single dudes out there, but they are not interested in dating.
New findings from the Pew Research Center show that 63% of men under 30 are single. This is an increase from 51% in 2019. Single young men reveal that the reason for their current single status satisfaction has to do with the COVID-19 pandemic and women’s high expectations. They feel dating is harder now than ever before, so they just aren’t that into it.
One of these happily single dudes opened up about his experiences. Ian Breslow is a 28-year-old high school teacher living in New York City. “Dates feel more like job interviews now. Much more like 'What can you do for me and where is this going,'” he explains.
He says after the long COVID isolation, this feels like too much, too soon. “The ‘getting to know you’ period is gone and that doesn’t feel so great after coming out of isolation,” he said.
He recounts a recent first date that he thought was going well. The ending left a sour taste in his mouth. “She literally asked me, ‘Would you rather our kids go to public or private school?’ Followed by several more extreme questions about getting married. I just started responding with what I knew she would hate the most to get her to leave,” he admitted.
Ian is not looking for anything serious at the moment. “The way dating is currently just makes me want to hook up locally with no stress or strings attached. Fortunately that part comes very easy … I’m unmotivated to search for something serious for the time being,” he said.
This is where single women and men differ, according to Ronald Levant, professor emeritus of psychology at the University of Akron. “The overall picture [is] that if a woman is going to go on a date with a man, chances are it’s not for a casual fling. Especially if the woman is kind of getting close to 30, [she’s] thinking about the biological clock and wants to have a family,” he explained.
Andrew Bruno feels similarly to Ian. He is a 28-year-old nurse from Bellmore, New York. He believes that COVID has made dating apps the only way to meet someone, and he is not a fan. “That just really isn’t my style. Like there is a weekslong prerequisite before you can think about getting involved, even for casual things. I’d rather take all that effort and put it towards my career,” he said.
He also is OK with waiting until later in life to find something serious. “I’m also still very young. I don’t feel the need to rush, especially if people don’t act as naturally as they did before COVID. Why would I put it all out there for someone who can’t or won’t hold a conversation?” he asked.
Mike M., who kept his last name private out of embarrassment, has a slightly different perspective than Ian and Andrew have. He blames COVID for his lack of people skills. “I definitely can’t walk into a room and go talk to someone I’m interested [in] like I used to be able to. It feels like my outgoingness has suffered some atrophy,” he admits. He also has taken to masturbation instead of sex. “I have definitely been going online to take care of my urges more than I have by seeing people,” Mike added.
Mike feels the pressure of losing out on time because of the pandemic. He wants a relationship but mourns the carefree dating he missed out on. He is struggling to put himself out there: “I also feel like I’m caught between two worlds. Ultimately I’ve just been crashing and have had neither lately.”
