A mom in Laketown, Utah, fought back against a school dance policy at her daughter's middle school. That's because Alicia Hobson believes the policy — which mainly targets girls — takes away kids' consent. It started when her daughter, Azlyn, 11, told her mother about what happened at her school's Valentine's Day dance.
A boy asked Azlyn to dance, and when she tried to say no, the principal came over to tell her that saying "no" was against the rules. Apparently, there was a policy in place that said kids have to accept invitations to dance with anyone who asks, even if they don't want to. “I just didn’t like it at all,” Azlyn told local TV station KSTU. “When they finally said [the dance] was done, I was like, ‘Yes!’”
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After that, Alicia took to Facebook to share what had happened with her followers with a powerful message that begins, "NO MEANS NO." Alicia told LittleThings that it's a message she stands behind.
Alicia's powerful Facebook post says it all: "A kid at school that makes my daughter uncomfortable asked her to dance at the school dance on Valentine's Day. She tried to say no thank you, and the principal overheard and intervened and told her she's not allowed to say no and that she has to dance with him."
It definitely seems like this policy could be really confusing to kids. Especially in the current climate we're living in when people are starting to understand how important it is to teach consent. Pushing kids to say "yes" when they don't want to say "yes" pretty much ignores that idea that their feelings are important.
Alicia told LittleThings that how her daughter feels when she's at school is of the utmost important to her and why she decided to speak out. "I just want my daughter to feel safe at school dances," she said. "I mean, isn't that on the top of every parent's list? That shouldn't change simply because someone might have their feelings slightly hurt when the answer is 'no.'"
Sometimes in life, the answer is "no." And that should be respected. Teaching that during the middle school years is incredibly important. It's just as important to teach girls to use their voices to be able to say the word as it is to teach boys to respect it. Alicia's Facebook post went on to say, "This boy has been quoted as publicly saying that he wants to rape dolphins. It doesn't matter if it's true or not. It doesn't matter if rumors are terrible and should be dismissed. That's irrelevant. The point is that this kid makes my daughter feel uncomfortable."
This issue here is definitely that kids deserve to have the choice. "She should not have to stand close to him with his hands on her if she doesn't want to," she wrote. "She has the right to say no to anyone for any reason or no reason. Her body is her body and if she doesn't want to dance with someone, that's her prerogative."
While it seems the school was very concerned with hurting feelings and making everyone feel included, this policy may do more harm than good. The principal, Kip Motta, told the Salt Lake Tribune, “We want to protect every child’s right to be safe and comfortable at school. We also believe that all children should be included in activities." He added the school wants “to make sure no kids feel like they get left out.”
Prioritizing kids' feelings is certainly important, but this policy clearly leaves out the feelings of the kids who are being forced to accept invitations they don't want to accept. As for Alicia's daughter, she had been excited for the school dance but came home feeling unsettled by what had happened, and it's understandable why. While we can't protect our kids from everything, it's important for us as parents to keep our eyes open to policies that may make them feel like they don't have rights to their own bodies.
The principal told Alicia that he would be open to reexamining the policy next year, as there are no more dances scheduled for this school year. There certainly seems to be a lot of support for that happening, too, judging by the response on social media. It's hard to imagine that in the current climate we're living in, most people wouldn't be on board with making sure young girls know that it's OK to say "no."
There have been other policies like this in the past, but for the most part, they are on their way out. Most schools make consent a big priority. Hopefully, this middle school will realize that forcing anyone to accept invitations they don't want, especially if they feel uncomfortable, is not OK.
Either way, it's wonderful that this mom is drawing attention to the issue. Along with the power of social media, Alicia Hobson definitely got her message across and effectively spoke up for her daughter when she was made to feel voiceless.
"Do better Rich Middle School," she ended her Facebook post. Here's hoping the school will tune in and listen.
