Former relationships can come with a lot of baggage, but they can also come with a lot of good. As one man has recently shared on Reddit, even though he and his ex aren't together anymore, he has a lot of good memories about her and her family … and his current wife doesn't share those good vibes.
He explains, "Last night my wife, my 13-year-old-son, and I had dinner with another couple I’ve known since high school and their two kids at their house. After dinner my son and the other boy left the table to play video games but still in earshot."
The conversation started with tattoos.
"The rest of us stayed at the table chatting, the conversation turned to tattoos and my friend mentioned my ex/baby mama's brother who has some seriously impressive tattoos," the original poster (OP) continues. "My wife made a comment about how their whole family is covered in tattoos and that my son would be covered in a few years. I responded that I wouldn't mind as long as they weren't [expletive] tattoos and she replied about him becoming unemployed trailer park trash like his mom’s family."
He lashed out at his wife.
"I became mad that she spoke about my son like that and how she characterized my ex's family," he explains. "My initial response was 'I can't believe you just said that.' I followed this up by essentially telling her she had no right to talk about my son’s family like that and pass judgement on people she doesn't know. I also told her I don't agree with her sentiment that tattoos equal unemployment and that also the majority of my ex's family are happily employed and several of them are business owners. The brother with the nice tats for example was a semi-professional boxer, has a master’s degree, and owns his own business."
More from LittleThings: How My Ex-Partner And I Juggle Family Vacations
His ex's family did a lot for him.
"My ex's family have a bad reputation and a lot of them do live in a trailer park and several of her brothers and uncles have been in and out of prison. However, she has a large family and the majority of them are great people, but they are all heavily judged in our local community. They were also such an important part of my life when I was younger, my ex and I had out son senior year of high school, my family were unsupportive but hers were our village, and we couldn't have done it without them. My ex's grandpa gave me my first job, her brother helped me find a cheap car to buy and helped me fix it up. They were my family for years, and although I'm no longer close with them, they are still important to my son, and I see their positive influence in him all the time. My wife doesn't know them but I know she's heard positive things from my son so I don't understand why she would say what she did."
His wife is still upset.
"The night moved on but things with my wife remained awkward even after we left," OP says. "When we were getting ready for bed, she told me I was an [expletive] for speaking to her like that in front of our friends and for defending my ex and making her look like a jerk in front of everybody. I was aghast and told her she was the one that spoke diminishingly about my son and his family while he could hear her. I slept in a different room and didn't speak to her for the rest of the night."
His brother is on his wife's side.
"However, today I went to the gym with my brother, and he thought I was an *ss for blowing up at her in public and that I should have waited to mention what she said at home. He also thinks I'm coming of as an *ss for defending my ex's family to my wife and that it sends the 'wrong message.'"
A lot of people agree with the dad.
One commenter wrote, "Your brother was wrong, you sent the right message. Assuming your son overheard, he heard you call his stepmom out. He heard the love and respect you have for him and the rest of family, his mom, uncles and grandparents. If you didn't do that, he'd have gone to sleep thinking you agree with his stepmom, that he'll end up unemployed in a trailer park.
"You're a good dad. Your wife though clearly not only disrespects your ex and her family, she clearly also disrespects your son. Talk to him directly. Ask him about your wife, and listen."
Another person agrees.
A second person wrote, "The son was within earshot. I promise you even if it doesn't look like it, kids are 100% listening especially when his mom is being bad-mouthed. Had OP kept quiet, that would have made a silent but overwhelmingly strong statement or at least implication that whatever crap that was said has any amount of truth. If OP's wife doesn't want to be put right publically, then she needs to learn to keep her mouth shut and not pass judgment where it's none of her business."
Ultimately, don't get mad if you say something terrible in public and get called out.
In conclusion, as one commenter put it, "It drives me insane when people make comments in public, are corrected in public, and then get upset about being corrected in public. If you don't make rude statements in public, nobody is going to correct/scold you for those statements in public! 'In front of our friends' isn't some cone of silence that means you can make derogatory comments about step son's family in front of the friends and OP has to smile and nod until the friends are gone."
