When the new year comes around, it can make the idea of revitalizing your life and starting anew look all fresh and alluring, unless you’re a single parent and the idea of revamping your dating life by getting on the dating apps again gives you the dry heaves.
We’re not here to say that dating apps and meeting people online are all bad. Nowadays, it’s really likely that most of the relationships that your friends and family are in that were formed in the past 10 or so years started on an app or online dating service.
If you’ve been single for the past few years and tried your hand at meeting someone special through a dating app, you likely know that it can all start to feel a bit ineffective and depressing, especially if you’re just constantly swiping or going on first dates with them leading nowhere great.
This is exactly why it’s great to switch things up. We’ve put together a guide on how to ramp up your dating life as a single parent without downloading a single dating app.
Start this new year by sitting down and making a list of what you’re looking for in a partner and setting your intentions for your dating life and next relationship.
According to Marriage.com, setting “true intentions” for your romantic relationships and dating life doesn’t necessarily have to revolve around setting specific goals, but they can also be your “hopes, anticipations,” and dreams for your ideal partner.
Even if you feel unsure of where and how you’d like things to progress in your dating life — a lot of people who get out of long-term relationships and marriages, especially after having children, just know they want to get back out there, but aren’t sure exactly how — we all know deep down what we want and are looking for in a partner.
It can be helpful to sit down and make a list of all of the characteristics and intentions you have going forward for both yourself and your future partner because it can give you a clearer idea of what’s most important to you in a significant other as well as how you see your best self when you’re dating someone or in a committed relationship.
Put yourself out there and sign up for a round of speed dating at a local bar or restaurant.
If you’re someone who hasn’t quite come to grips with the lengths and nonstop jittery nerves of a full-on date that can often involve hours of your time and making conversation about things out of your wheelhouse, speed dating might be just the thing you’ve been looking for.
Better Help explains that speed dating was invented to “help single people assess romantic potential more quickly and easily than through traditional dating.” Speed dating nights are often put on by organizations that are looking to make a little cash and invite people to meet one another in a cool and unorthodox way. They should be fairly easy to find in your local area with a quick Google or social media search.
If you’ve signed yourself up and are feeling a bit nervous about speed dating, it can be helpful to remember to put your phone away because everything happens so quickly and it helps you to stay engaged in the lightning-fast speed of it all. Don’t be afraid to come up with a few default questions that you’d like to ask your fellow speed daters beforehand as coming into this prepared can help ease the tension.
Keeping an open mind and not putting any undue pressure on yourself can allow you to sit back and fully enjoy the experience rather than thinking about if you’re going to get another date or two out of it.
We all have at least one single friend. Make a point to have a monthly date with them to hit up a cool bar or lounge and just see where the night takes you both.
Even if you’re in your late 30s or 40s, most of us have at least one or two single friends who are into the idea of putting themselves out there in the dating scene. It can feel hard to be single when you’re the mom of busy kids who is also working on their career and trying to stay afloat at home. But when you have a friend who can completely relate and also wants a sustainable and fruitful love life? That’s simpatico, isn’t it?
If one of your goals is to get back out into the dating scene and meet people the good old-fashioned way — at a bar, let’s call it what it is — now is the time to make a plan with your fellow single parent friend and get the ball moving in that arena. It doesn’t have to be a weekly thing, because who really has time for that? Even if you make plans to visit a cool lounge that just opened up for some drinks or to visit a bar that plays good music on Friday nights once a month, not only will you have a good friend by your side should you need an easy out or a good “wing” person, but friends can also push one another to take risks.
Plus, it can also be a good time to just sit back with a friend and have a drink somewhere new and exciting and if you meet someone, that’s great, but if not, you also enjoyed your evening out with a good pal.
Put the word out to your friends, family, and work colleagues that you’re single and looking. Be sure you give some specifications if you have a list of non-negotiables.
Think back to when you were in high school and you had a couple of friends who went to a different school and you would hang out on the weekends and meet some of their friends and significant others. It can be a really fun and exciting thing to connect with people who are slightly outside of your inner circle but not to the point that you would never meet.
If you’re single and ready to mingle and you haven’t been fully taking advantage of those friends who have offered to set you up on a date with their good friend from college or your coworker who is constantly talking about their handsome nephew, it is time to start saying yes because, at the least, any date is great practice at putting yourself out there.
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If you’re worried about the possibility of offending your friend, work colleague, or family member should things not work out, feel free to fully vocalize to them what phase of life you’re in when it comes to dating and commitment and how you’re not looking to sacrifice anything you’re specifically looking for in a partner. If you’re open and honest about what this date is for you — simply an open door with the potential to lead to any number of outcomes — it’s more likely that anyone involved will appreciate your openness and reciprocate with kindness.
Hit up your local bookstore or sign up for a club or sport to meet new people. You never know who you might come across.
Another way to get into the dating game without downloading an app is to simply put yourself out there in new ways that allow you to practice some independence and maybe even some spontaneity.
For instance, if your kids are away at their grandparents or their dad’s for the night, why not head out to your local bookstore without any sort of plan in mind? You could grab a coffee and just browse the book aisles and see if you happen to come across someone else who's solo and might be picking up some books that pique your interest.
Or if you’re a fan of something slightly more organized, feel free to check out some local sports teams or even a book club in your area. Even the simple task of doing something new that you enjoy and meeting new people along the way who share your interests can open things up because you never know who you might meet.
