The health crisis led to a lot of kids missing out on a lot of special moments in their own lives. It's been hard for them to move on from it, and understandably so.
One dad took to Reddit after his daughter lashed out over an event she missed that her younger brother would get to experience. He explained that his daughter missed her eighth grade year due to remote learning. His younger son was now going into eighth grade and would get to go on a class trip to Disney World that his daughter missed.
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The dad and his wife felt bad that their daughter missed out on an opportunity that both her older brother had already had and her younger brother would have. Still, they were unprepared when she told them she wanted them to make her younger brother miss the trip because it would be fair.
The original poster (OP) is a dad who found himself in an unforeseeable tough spot. "8th graders at my children's middle school have the opportunity to go on a class trip to Disney World during spring break," he explained.
"My older son went on this trip in 2018 and constantly told my daughter and younger son about how amazing it was. As a result my two younger kids were incredibly excited for their chance to go to Disney."
Unfortunately, OP's daughter had her eighth grade year through remote learning due to the health crisis. Of course, that meant no Disney trip. The school also skipped the trip this year but recently announced it would resume it in 2022.
"My younger son is entering the 8th grade this fall, and the school administration has said that the Disney trip will resume in spring 2022," OP explained.
No one was less thrilled to hear this information than OP's daughter. "When my daughter found out, she started crying, saying that it's so unfair that both of her brothers could go to Disney but she couldn't," he shared.
Many parents would tell their kid to roll with the punches, or lament the unfairness with them. OP and his wife were in a position to offer more.
"I said that we could go as a family to Disney during winter break, but she said that it's still not fair because then her brothers would get two Disney trips while she would only get one," OP shared.
That wasn't the only thing about the arrangement that felt unfair to the teen.
"She also said that going to Disney with family is not the same as going to Disney with friends," OP noted.
"At this point I said that there's no world where I don't let her brother go on this trip next spring just because she thinks that it's unfair."
At that point, OP became the odd man out, with his daughter upset with him and his wife not entirely disagreeing with her.
"I expected my wife to back me up here, but she said that I should seriously consider my daughter's point of view since online school was tough and not being able to hang out with her friends sucked," he shared.
OP was looking for a way to make this right, but many pointed out that regardless of the solution, this is one of those big "life is unfair" learning moments.
One commenter suggested working with the school to get a trip going for all the kids who missed out. "I can understand that she prefers to go to DW with friends. But the attitude, that the brother should not go twice is not about fairness, it is about envyness," they wrote.
"Perhaps you could offer to set up with some other parents of her class (not all, of cource) to make it to a kind of replacement trip. Even if it would be a small group of friends. But your offer to her was already fair enough, this would be more than fair."
Another person suggested involving the daughter to teach her something. "Your answer is to gather more parents, bring it up with the school and try get something for them to make up for missing out," they added.
"And get her involved with the process, she will learn a good lesson about fighting for equality without taking away from others and make them as miserable as you."
A lot of people thought OP was wrong in how he handled the situation with his daughter in the moment, however.
"She brought a very valid issue to you to resolve, and you pretty much went off on her and invalidated whatever she said. First of all, if you didn't like the way she expressed the rather awful emotions this situation inflicts on her, it is your responsibility as the parent to coach her through how to express her emotions and point of view respectfully and well. That is your job," a commenter asserted.
"Second, you didn't even try to address the situation in a way that was remotely fair and acted like you were only interested in resolutions that unfairly favor her brothers and shortchange her. You're the adult in this scenario — there is no excuse for you behaving this way."
"The blindingly obvious solution is to work with her, her friends, and her friends' parents to come up with a trip or experience that is in no way less than what the others are getting, and yes, that does mean you have to actually listen to your kid's perspective on what aspects are most important to her instead of just invalidating everything she's trying to express again," the commenter continued.
"Don't forget that now you need to apologize for how you treated her by invalidating her very valid and fair concerns instead of helping her with them."
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