Before Colton Underwood came out as gay in April 2021, he wasn’t “living [his] most authentic life.” Being “so publicly straight” affected his mental health, and while he knew that he was struggling, he couldn’t truly admit it to himself, he told People during a recent interview. During the COVID-19 pandemic, The Bachelor alum attempted suicide. Thankfully, Colton survived the attempt. It ended up being a wake-up call for him. The next day, he realized that he needed help.
“I woke up the next morning and I remember vividly staring into my dog’s eyes and realizing I needed help,” he told People.
Colton drove to his parents’ house and decided to seek out treatment for his mental health challenges. “That was my moment of, I have to make some changes because I’m not healthy right now,” the 32-year-old TV personality and former football player told People.
He told the publication that “being vulnerable enough to ask for help” is “the first step to healing.” Colton acknowledged that “stigma and the shame that a lot of people always carry around the words ‘mental health'” can stop people from getting the care they need.
Before his suicide attempt, Colton struggled to be honest about what he was going through — even with himself. “I think I knew deep down for a while that I was struggling, but I couldn’t say it out loud. I couldn’t even say it to myself,” he told People. At the time, Colton had not yet come out as gay, and was still carrying a lot of “shame and guilt” surrounding his sexuality and identity.
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“I was depressed because I wasn’t living my most authentic life. I was sort of hiding myself and had a lot of shame and guilt around who I was,” Colton explained to People. In addition to struggling with depression, Colton “had a lot of anxiety because I was so publicly straight and I sort of doubled down so many times in my life and career who I was projecting to be.”
Eventually, “that all really caught up” with him, he explained to the publication.
When Colton came out as gay in 2021, he shared more details about how shame impacted him. “I’ve ran from myself for a long time. I’ve hated myself for a long time,” he said during an interview with Robin Roberts. “And I’m gay. And I came to terms with that earlier this year and have been processing it.”
Part of the reason he struggled to come to terms with his sexuality was because he always dreamed of starting a family. In reality, though, coming out helped him realize that dream was still possible.
“I want a family. I want kids, I want dogs, I want the whole nine yards, and I never knew that was possible until I came out and got to lean into my truth,” he previously told Variety.
On September 26, 2024, Colton and his husband, Jordan C. Brown, welcomed their first child via surrogate. When sharing the news on Instagram, Colton wrote a heartfelt message to his son: “Our world is a million times better with you in it.”
Later, he shared a reel that showed him holding his son and captioned it with, “a dream come true 💙.”
Colton told People that he feels “great” now, but becoming a parent has given him another reason to speak up about his mental health challenges. “Now, I’m helping contribute to a world that my son’s going to grow up in and I want to continue to break barriers down for whatever he’s going to go through in his little life,” he said.
Note: If you or any of your loved ones are struggling with suicidal thoughts, you can always reach out to the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline by calling 988. They are available 24/7 by phone or online chat.
