Whether we like it or not, health care decisions are often made by a team of people. Sometimes, that team is small and is just a patient and their doctor. Other times, that team might be made up of a minor child, their parents, and the doctor. And sometimes, the team is just an adult patient, the doctor, and the patient's parents who don't realize they will be paying for a secret vasectomy.
The man in question says he has a few reasons for wanting to get the vasectomy and wanting to get it soon. For starters, he has experienced what he calls "a h*llish few months of pregnancy scares with partners whose obvious red flags I ignored." He also adds that even though he's only 22, he knows he doesn't want to spend his money on children.
"I enjoy my own company a lot and travel solo along with attending concerts and baseball/football games, and that's where I want my disposable income to go. I do not ever want to be tied down by having a child."
He goes on to add that he's making this decision out of medical concerns as well: "I have Aspergers Syndrome myself, likely would be some sort of special needs child. Thus, as someone who craves sexual intimacy but isn't in a stable long term relationship and doesn't trust anybody or any birth control, best thing for me to do is get a vasectomy."
He says that he went through a vasectomy consultation last year, but ended up traveling quite a bit internationally and never had the time to follow through with the procedure. But more importantly, his parents are totally against the idea of him getting a vasectomy, and it turns out he's still on their health insurance. So ultimately, they would be footing the bill.
He goes on to add that despite their disapproval, he's planning to schedule the procedure in his hometown soon: "I've scheduled a consultation in the city which I currently live in. And I think I'm going to go ahead and get this done if they approve- and probably won't even tell my parents. It sucks because I'm super close to them but this is something they're going to have to deal with."
This is a lot to unpack for sure. At 22, he is definitely within his rights to make decisions for his own body. However, if his parents' insurance doesn't cover the procedure in full, he will probably be financially responsible for the amount that isn't covered.
Richard Gundling, senior VP at the Healthcare Financial Management Association, explained, "Normally, if you’re 18 or older, you’re considered the responsible party, even if you’re insured under your parents’ policy."
While the Affordable Care Act allows parents to keep their adult children on their health insurance until the children turn 26, the only reason the parents would be required to pay their children's medical debts is if they sign a form with the doctor's office agreeing that they will. If his parents aren't supportive of his decision, then they probably won't sign that form.
Of course, he may not accrue any medical debt and could just cover the vasectomy himself.
A few people were supportive of his decision, secret or not. One person commented that it's refreshing that a man is taking control of a decision that is usually left up to female partners: "I hope you have success at the consultation and get your vasectomy in the near future. A lot of men don’t feel that birth control is their responsibility so I applaud your decision. Enjoy your life and lifestyle."
Another person explained that she and her husband are in exactly the same spot: totally going for a secret vasectomy.
"I don't think you should tell your parents. It would cause more drama than it's worth, and besides it's none of their business anyway.
“My husband is getting his snip next week (!!!!) and we aren’t telling his parents or mine. We told some friends (most who are child free, one who plans on having kids but is supportive of us regardless).
“As for his parents…llol they don’t even know we are Child Free By Choice! They’ll figure it out eventually…when we don’t give them the grandbabies they beg and plead for…
“Good luck with the procedure, if it all goes according to plan!”
And she brings up another great point: The decision to have kids or to not have them is one that should be made by the person or people who actually hold the potential to have the children. The man in question doesn't explain why his parents don't want him to get a vasectomy at 22, but he's not wrong that it's not their decision to make.
One person recommends that the man in question should just avoid talking about the topic with his parents, after he did the same thing at 22: "I was 22 when I had mine. The only people who know about it are the people who did the paperwork in the clinic, the officiating doctor, and the occasional partner. Let the subject die. If they ask in future, just say you'll decide when it becomes an issue and it hasn't become an issue yet, or something equally vague."
Commenters rounded out the discussion by fully supporting the man's choices, and they even offered tips for evading the topic completely: "You don't have to tell anybody (family or not) about it, if you don't want to. If you end up seeing family or friends after the procedure and need an excuse… 'I've strained something' .. 'I have been stung by something'."
Depending on where he lives, the man's vasectomy may not be so secret. While some states have pushed to pass legislation that would prohibit parents from receiving a notification when their adult child receives medical care, others definitely have not.
Abigail English, the director of the advocacy group Center for Adolescent Health and the Law, says it's definitely a problem. "There's a longstanding awareness that disclosures by insurers could create dangers for individuals."
She adds that "there was an added impetus to concerns about the confidentiality of insurance information with the dramatic increase in the number of young adults staying on their parents' plan until age 26."
Hopefully, the young man can make the decision that he's chosen for himself, and his parents won't be able to do anything about it. After all:, if he doesn't want kids, that's his right.
