Alanis Morissette became everyone's favorite '90s singer back in the day. Her angsty album Jagged Little Pill struck a nerve because it was so deeply vulnerable. It became the anthem of an entire generation of misfits just looking to feel heard. So it should really come as no big surprise that Alanis has approached motherhood with the same kind of intense openness, sharing her struggles and vulnerabilities with the world. Now she's opening up about her unique path to motherhood, revealing for the first time that she suffered multiple miscarriages.
Alanis has shared painful parts of her motherhood journey in the past, like living through perinatal mood disorders. But on Friday, she appeared on Dax Shepard's Armchair Expert podcast and talked about suffering multiple miscarriages — an experience that clearly impacted her in a big way. The 46-year-old singer is a mother of three kids — Ever, Winter, and Onyx — but she says her journey to becoming a mother wasn't easy. In fact, it was immensely painful at times and riddled with devastation.
It's definitely not the first time we've heard Alanis get really real about being a parent. She's been one of the most outspoken voices about suffering from perinatal mood disorders. While we've heard about postpartum depression, Alanis really cracked the conversation about perinatal mood disorders wide open.
Last year, she penned an open letter about her experiences, saying she suffered deeply from depression and anxiety, and even admitted she had suicidal ideation. "I have been here before. I know there is another side. And the other side is greater than my PPD-riddled-temporarily-adjusted-brain could have ever imagined: as a mom, as an artist, as a wife, as a friend, as a collaborator, as a leader, as a boss, as an activist," she wrote at the time.
It's been incredibly refreshing to follow the singer's motherhood journey. But now we're hearing for the first time that the mother of three didn't have an easy time creating the family she has now. She actually went through a lot of pain and heartbreak to get there.
Alanis was a guest on the Armchair Expert podcast on Friday. Once again, she got utterly honest. Dax inquired about the order of Alanis' kids, pointing out that there's a fairly large age gap between them. He said in his family, they've hit a bit of a "sweet spot" where his kids can do for themselves. While he loved the baby stage, he also admitted the idea of starting over with another infant would be "terrifying."
"Not all of it was the ideal situation," Alanis said of why her kids, whom she shares with husband Mario "Souleye" Treadway, are farther apart in age than they had planned. She told host Dax that she had several miscarriages that led to them being fairly spaced apart. "I'm an optimist who will get depressed and cry, but at the end of the day, there's still that little light, that little star of Bethlehem keeps dangling over there," she said. She also said that more than ever, she's had to rely on trust to keep going.
Listeners could tell Dax was totally blown away by Alanis' honesty. She continued, "We were chasing and just showing up and then surprises and then devastations and all of it," she said. "But, I mean, I do trust. I have this trust pilot light thing that keeps cooking along — even when there's a torrential downpour it's still flickering — of hope and faith and vision for something to work out, whatever it is."
The discussions of family life were really moving. Alanis also talked about what raising three kids with her husband has been like while in quarantine. She talked about having breakthrough family moments, which she says can only happen when you're kind of stuck together in the "hot kitchen."
While those times were undoubtedly tough, it definitely seems like Alanis is happy to grow and move forward. She's definitely not dwelling in the past but using her challenges as a catalyst for growth. "One of the theories in relationships is that conflict is growth trying to happen," she shared.
Alanis has truly been inspiring listeners for decades now. And hearing her delve into the tough stuff about parenthood is no exception. Of course, her artistic flair doesn't hurt. She puts things into words in a way that few people can, and it is so deeply moving and relatable.
Alanis is a really feeling person, which is probably why, when it comes to parenting, she's a natural. "I love moms so much," she told Health magazine. "If I talk about it too much, I'll start crying," she said. "I just think moms are so selfless day in and day out — women are just killing it all the time."
We couldn't agree more. But if anyone is inspiring us today, it's Alanis herself. How ironic.
