Being a mother of three young children isn't easy.
Days are filled with tantrums, with silent treatments, and sometimes with short shouting matches.
Even the best mother is never perfect, because toddlers will be toddlers, and there simply is no way around that.
Bunmi Laditan, mother of three, struggles just like every other mother. She wakes up after very few hours of sleep, just wishing she could lie down for a little bit longer.
Yet, she has to begin her day, and to get her kids ready for school or whatever else lies before them in the day.
Along with being a mother, Laditan is also an award-winning writer, contributing to the likes of the New York Times, as well as writing two of her own books about parenting.
She also happens to be one of the millions of people on this planet who suffers from psychological issues. One in four folks run into problems like depression, anxiety, or bipolar disorder at some point in their lives. It's not at all uncommon, and definitely nothing to be ashamed of.
Sometimes, for Laditan, dealing with her children and her own problems is a lot to handle, but she always finds a way.
On Tuesday, August 23, Laditan was having one of these tough moments. She took to Facebook, posting an image of her son's breakfast with the following message:
"It's not even 10AM and I'm already tired. If my home weren't bursting with children and responsibilities, I'd take a swig of NyQuil and bury myself within my soft sheets, letting the morning fade into late afternoon while I dreamed.
The hardest part of parenting isn't picking schools or getting an overtired toddler to take a nap, it's raising children while healing yourself.
My three-year-old wouldn't eat his breakfast. It's the same dance every morning. He sleepily scream cries for cereal, milk poured in the bowl first or else it's trash, and fights every single bite. It's exhausting and I'm already exhausted."
In the same post, she goes on to say, "He's not my first three-year-old. I know they're all insane, but as he pushes each one of my buttons, stretches my patience until it's as thin and clear as pulled taffy, and howls because a drop of milk touched his big toe, I feel it rising.
The anger.
I know anger is just a flimsy tent protecting other, scarier, emotions so I unzip the flap.
It's fear, tinged with despair, served with a healing side of overwhelm.
I can't control him. I want to be lying down but instead I'm standing here vacillating between threats, attachment parenting-style comfort, and the occasional empty bribe.
I can yell. I can shock him into sadness and make him afraid, then twist his raw emotion into compliance. Snap his will like a twig. And then, when he's a sniffling pile of hurt, push spoonfuls of soggy cereal into his tear-streaked face while whispering comfort into his bewildered spirit. 'Good boy,' I'll say, pretending not to notice how much smaller he suddenly looks. I can do that. Then breakfast will be over."
Im sure that every word of this is relatable for moms everywhere. When kids shout or climb all over things in public, you might want to just yell right back.
This is what Laditan goes on to say, in the same post about her son's cereal:
"But I know in my heart, he's not being bad. He's being three.
I take a step back and my claws, the ones that I grew to protect myself against the ones that hurt me, retract.
I will not cut my child against my broken edges. I won't.
From time to time I nick them, I know. I'm not perfect. I'm healing. But in these moments of clarity, I have a choice.
I can't control him, but I can control my breath. I take three deep ones, letting the air rest in my expanded lungs for a moment before exhaling and walk away.
He brings his red, worn stuffed bear to his nose to smell it like he likes to and watches me.
I watch him too, without watching, the way mothers do.
And as my desire, my need for him to obey, evaporates into the warm air of our home, he picks up his spoon and eats."
So far, the post has gotten 17,000, and over 8,000 shares on Facebook. The way that she describes this very recognizable yet small moment in a mother's day helps moms in the same position as her feel less alone.
That is so important, to know you're not alone, and that it's alright to sometimes feel like acting on things that you never really would do. That is completely normal.
Motherhood brings great joy, but it can also be incredibly stressful. Some folks forget that it's ok to feel the pressure.
Next time you feel like you're going to snap under the pressure, just remember these very wise, poetic, and succinct words from a mom who understands your struggle: "I know in my heart, he's not being bad. He's being three," and to breathe.
It's clear why Laditan has won awards for her writing and her insight. These are the thoughts that so many moms, dads, and just people in general feel every single day of their lives. There's nothing quite like reading someone else's words and feeling as if the same exact idea could have come out of your very own brain.
Please SHARE with your family and friends on Facebook if you think someone you know needs to hear these words!
