Having children is a really profound and life-changing experience. A lot of people would say that having kids — birthing them and raising them — is the most important thing they will ever do. Some people say their kids are their greatest accomplishment. I'd venture to say, most people who have kids feel that way.
But not everyone does! One mom in the Reddit community actually doesn't feel like her kids are her greatest accomplishment, and she voiced that perspective in a thread that turned into a raucous debate.
The mom, who goes by the username cassiecasscassi, began her post by writing, "I love my kids, but they are not my everything." If you know anything about mom judgment, you already know the comments are COMING.
Having kids is certainly a big deal. But people feel differently about what it means to them. This mom wanted to know what other people thought about her perspective, which is, as she found out, a less-popular one.
So she took to the internet, like one does when they have a burning question. She asked Reddit what they thought about the idea that kids have to be seen as your "greatest accomplishment." She even said that she had a very full life before having kids and they are not her "everything."
She wrote, "I had a whole lifetime before. I ran marathons, climbed mountains, wrote a novel that was published and did moderately successful in the 00s, and have a MFA in creative writing.
"Chatting with some folks in the neighborhood, we got to talking about our greatest accomplishments. When it came to me, Tom said 'Oh, well we know what your greatest accomplishment is, obviously. You have three beautiful, well-behaved children.'"
Nope! That wasn't it.
She continued, airing her shock and frustration. "I was honestly shocked," she wrote. "And I said no, that’s NOT my greatest accomplishment. He looked just as shocked, and I said what my greatest accomplishment is, and then said 'And by the way, I resent the assumption that having kids is my greatest accomplishment. You have kids, why didn’t you say that?'"
"He said how he didn’t birth the kids, and how that’s a miracle of life and all that gag-me [expletive]. I just rolled my eyes and said 'Let’s not boil women down to their biological functions, kay?'"
It's a fair point to acknowledge that we expect men to value children differently than women do. However, the user wrote that the other mothers in the conversation all saw it differently, agreeing that their kids were definitely their greatest accomplishments.
Of course, the conversation was about to heat up … and it did. People on the internet were both outraged and in agreement with the user's point. It just goes to show that it's an important discussion because people — yes, even women — have various feelings about having kids. In the grand scheme of things, although just about every mother loves their child, not everyone sees raising kids as the most important thing they'll ever do.
Some people echoed the point that it's not fair to expect women's "greatest accomplishment" to be their kids just because they are the ones birthing (usually). Others pointed out that, plain and simple, people just have different views and feelings on motherhood. LaDancer22 wrote, "For some people it is their biggest accomplishment and the thing in life they’re most proud of. There’s nothing wrong with that! But that’s not how everyone views motherhood and those who don’t feel that way arent depressed or bad mothers."
Another commenter made the point that it's slightly strange to think about our kids as an "accomplishment" in the first place. They are their own people, after all. "Spot on!" wrote RipleyGirl. "My kids aren’t my greatest accomplishments and I haven’t even written a book or climbed a mountain. I consider myself a guide on their journey not their master."
One rather snide comment suggested that the women in the thread who fiercely believe children should be every mother's greatest accomplishment just didn't have a lot else going on. "Considering there are billions of people on Earth, birthing children is clearly nothing special or miraculous," wrote Kamikaze_pedestrian.
"I bet these women jumped into family life fairly young and didnt get to actually live their own lives much and, lacking anything else, have to define themselves by their kids. They're just bitter."
Of course, there were still a lot of haters. The user said her husband even got private messages over the heavily debated thread. But it's refreshing to see that a lot of people said it's OK for mothers to have various feelings about motherhood. While it's not new for mothers to have a range of experiences with raising kids, it is still tough for us to not catch grief when we dare share those experiences with others.
Truthfully, it's nice to see. It doesn't mean moms don't love their kids, either.
These stories are based on posts found on Reddit. Reddit is a user-generated social news aggregation, web content rating, and discussion website where registered members submit content to the site and can up- or down-vote the content. The accuracy and authenticity of each story cannot be confirmed by our staff.
