There are some matters of disagreement in a relationship that can be ignored, and others that can only be ignored for a time. One couple's recurring argument about finances and career tracks led to the end of their relationship, and one partner decided to ask the Reddit community where they stand on the matter.
The 30-year-old writer and her 27-year-old girlfriend had been together since they met in college years prior. They both graduated four years ago with the same degrees, but very different career ideas.
The original poster (OP) decided to go old school. She worked countless hours to rise through the ranks and is a CPA at a Big Four accounting firm. Her partner took a different path, getting an accounting job out of college and enjoying a significant pay raise along the way.
OP had some strong feelings about her partner's perceived wasted potential and let them be known at an inopportune moment. When introducing her to new friends who inquired about her job, OP dismissed it as "not a real job." It caused not only an awkward moment in their outing but a real crossroads conversation about respect. Ultimately, her partner walked away, but OP still insisted she was right in what she expected from her.
These partners got started on the same foot.
As OP shares, they were once on the same page. They even started their professional lives on similar footing.
"My (30F) GF (27F) and I both work in finance. Well sort of. We met in college and both graduated together four years ago," she explained.
"In 2017, We both earned a bachelor’s in accounting and Finance. I decided to study for my CPA exam right after graduating and she decided to go work a low-level accounting job at a construction company earning $35,000 per year."
"I was not happy with her decision to do this, but I know she has never been quite as driven as me."
"Fast forward to today. I work at one of the Big Four accounting firms earning $89,000 per year. I have worked long hours and put my all into this position," OP continued.
"My GF is still at the construction company but has kind of worked her way up and earns $60,000 annually. I do not really understand her job position. She manages accounts for different projects. Our main fight over the past four years has been career choices."
It all came to a head when they went out to eat with some friends.
"We went out with my colleagues about a month ago and just had drinks," OP explained.
"One of them asked what my GF does for a living. I had drunk a bit much and instantly felt mad and embarrassed as she explained it to him."
"I said without thinking 'She doesn't have a real job.'"
"My GF laughed it off and said, 'Yeah I get paid to take naps all day'. Her response made everyone at the table uneasy."
Then, there was an issue with savings ...
"We decided a few years ago to each put $1000 per month into savings for our future. Which we have been doing religiously," OP explained.
"Well, I checked the account today and noticed she did not put in her $1000 this month. I confronted her about this, and she says she is putting it into her project car instead.
"Let me explain the car. I have been working a ton of hours this time of year. She is alone quite often at the house. She decided to take up a new hobby. She bought some early nineties car and has been putting every dime into it to make it a racecar, I think? She just bought some fuel system electronic thing that was like $1200!!! We are not on the same page anymore about our life goals and aspirations. I do not even have room to park my vehicle in the garage anymore. I do not think a luxury vehicle should be parked on the curb. She is $1000 behind schedule for a loud trashy car and I cannot deal."
Obviously, a bigger talk was necessary.
"I asked today if we even share the same goals anymore," OP shared.
"She says she is not sure and that I was really an [expletive] when we were out with my colleagues. She says I do not respect her. I told her that is not true. I just know she is smart and capable of more than a dusty 40 hour per week job. She says she is happy there and plans to stay in that industry if we move to the coast. I do not know what to do. I asked her if she was cool with me posting on here and she said she did not care."
Reddit didn't hesitate to tell OP she was wrong.
"A job that pays $60k a year is a real job. And a real job that pays pretty decently for a 27 year old. You have a luxury car yet begrudge her having a car of her choice? AH," one commenter noted.
"She's right. You don't respect her. And honestly – she might be making more per hour than you do because I know people that work at a big 4 work more than 40 hours a week. If you're working 60 hours a week you're making the same per hour as her – and less if it's more than 60 hours a week. So get off your high horse. I kinda hope she takes her half out of the account and dumps your ass for someone who respects her."
That's right, the mathematicians pointed out they make pretty much the same amount hourly.
Another commenter broke down the numbers.
"I'm no finance major, but my rough math says that $89k for 55 hour weeks is just over $31/hr. And $60k for 40 hour weeks is just under $29/hr," they wrote.
"I know there's plenty of other considerations here, but making almost the same hourly wage… I think the GF is plenty well compensated for the work she does, even it is a 'fake job.'"
And as for the idea that OP's job is more meaningful, well, this commenter really puts it in perspective:
"Meaningful? No, really? You believe that? Doctors do meaningful work, teachers do meaningful work, people who work at non-profits do meaningful work, Bill Murray does meaningful work. Most of the rest of us are just cogs in some corporate machine. If you believe your accounting work is somehow 'meaningful' and hers is not, I do not know what to tell you, but maybe you should take a cue from your soon to be ex-girlfriend and find meaning in life outside of your office."
Let's just say OP was not thrilled.
OP edited the post with some parting thoughts and to inform readers that yes, her girlfriend did dump her.
"I am neurotypical. I have been diagnosed with depression as well," OP answered questions posed to her.
"Stacie said she has been unhappy for a while and is planning to leave once the pandemic is over. I think she is going to take her funds. I am crushed and not a single comment made anything better.
"She doesn't understand how hard it has been for me to get to where I am at. She said 'Your coworkers are snobs like you.' I am not a snob. I am keeping up with a lifestyle because I don't want to be a broke artist like all of her friends. This is devastating and goes to show how prejudice people on the internet can be."
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