What’s the magic number of children that will complete your family? The answer varies. Countries in the global north prefer two children, a number that has become a staple since women entered the workforce en masse and the cost of living skyrocketed. Plus, women are having children later in life, and while they may want more children, making that desire a realization becomes increasingly challenging. But you don’t care about all that, do you? You’re broody for a third baby.
And you’re not alone. A 2018 Gallup survey showed Americans are increasingly keen to the idea of a big family: “Currently, 41% of U.S. adults think that families of three or more children is ideal.” But no matter how ideal it may seem to expand your family, it may come at the cost of increased stress. More children will mean more cleaning, cooking, and entertaining. But challenges and warnings aside, a third baby could give you and your family a sense of completion and, though three is an odd number, a sense of balance.
Is it right to want more children?
So often, mothers with limited resources are penalized and vilified for having more than two children. Curt and painful phrases like “Don’t have children if you can’t afford them” unfairly elevate affluent families as more worthy of procreation. And let’s not forget overpopulation, which can be linked to climate change, a very real and pressing issue. The urge to have a third baby suddenly feels morally wrong, selfish, and unreasonable. Still, the heart wants what it wants, right? And it wants another baby, planet be damned. You can think about having baby No. 3 while you work on other ways of reducing carbon emissions, because you’re a multitasker.
A few more things to consider
Child care costs are astronomical these days, and they’ve risen by 2,000% in the last 40 years. So unless money is no object to you, the added expense of a third baby is a serious financial consideration.
Your family vacations may look a bit different with three children, as well. You’ll find that hotel rooms base their pricing on double adult occupancy, which means they accommodate two parents and two children. A third child may mean you’ll have to add another room to your bill. Air travel can be tricky, too, with some airlines issuing specific requirements on how many children can fly with an adult. If, after all that, you decide on road trips instead, can you fit another car seat in your family car?
Still broody?
You made it work with two children, and you can make it work with three. You’ve got this!
Each family is unique, and we gathered some of the best parenting advice from a single dad, a mom of triplets, and grandparents. Here’s what they had to say about parenting three kids.
You just figure it out as you go along.
Being flexible and adaptable will be your greatest asset when managing a big family. Older siblings can help out, and a new family addition could help them gain a greater sense of responsibility and selflessness. Plus, hand-me-downs will ease the financial burden.
Prepare as much as you can.
If you have a partner, you’ll want to start by having “the talk.” Gauge where your partner lands on this sensitive topic. And if your views don’t align, consider the fact that it’s an idea that could take some getting used to. You may end up having a few conversations about it, and that’s perfectly normal. Try asking your children how they would feel if a new sibling came along, too.
If you have concerns about fertility and conceiving, you may want to talk to your doctor to get a clearer picture.
A new baby will take time away from your other children.
And there will be less time to spend with your partner, and yourself. Even if you’re just exploring the idea of having another child, take some time to savor the size and character of your family now. Family dynamics will change with a new addition. And if you can, take a bit of time for yourself.
Divide and conquer.
Parents with three or more children find that not everyone can join certain activities, outings, or conversations. Most of the time, you may not be able to agree on what to watch on TV as a family. That’s when you’ll find that splitting up the brood every once in a while will actually make everyone happy.
Schedule one-on-one time.
Another great piece of advice for parenting a bunch of kiddos is to give each one time alone with you. Whether it’s playing a game, cooking together, or relaxing in the sunshine, do something that your child loves to do. Each kid deserves to feel special, and they embody a little piece of you. Giving each child a little one-on-one time will help you form a deeper bond and see things in them that get lost when three is a crowd.
