My Father Abandoned Me Decades Ago — Now He Wants Me To Pay For His Heart Surgery

Many people have to grapple with the notion of what they owe their parents when they reach adulthood. Do you pick up the phone every single time they call? Are they entitled to know your whereabouts and plans once you leave their house? Do you owe them money to make the burden of their golden years a little lighter? Those questions and answers can be especially complicated when you didn’t have the best relationship with your parents as a child.

One grown woman is grappling with the question after her absentee father asked for money to save his life. 

She writes that her father left without warning.

The now-adult daughter wrote about her conundrum on Reddit. The original poster shared that when she was 10 years old, her father walked out on her and her mom without warning. “No explanation. No goodbyes. He just left,” she wrote. “A few years later, he remarried, had more kids, and built a new life—one we were never invited to be a part of.”

The OP and her mom struggled emotionally and financially.

In the meantime, this girl and her mother struggled. “My mom worked multiple jobs just to keep us afloat,” she wrote. “I grew up watching her struggle, and I promised myself I would never rely on him for anything.”

The trauma may have provided the fire the OP needed to become successful. “I worked hard. I studied, I hustled, and I now have a successful career and a comfortable life. I haven’t heard from my father in over two decades—until last week,” she shared.

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Then one day she got a surprising call.

Sadly, the OP’s father didn’t even call her himself. Instead, he sent his new wife to do his dirty work. “His wife called me out of the blue. She said he needs urgent heart surgery, and they can’t afford it. She said I should pay. That as his child, I have a ‘duty’ to help. She didn’t ask. She expected. Like I was an ATM for the man who abandoned me.” The OP said no immediately. “I said I don’t owe him anything—not love, not money, and certainly not a second chance.”

‘It would feel like betraying the little girl …’ the OP wrote.

The new wife got angry and called the OP heartless, selfish, and cold. Shockingly, even some of the OP’s family members agreed with his new wife. “I’ve made peace with the past,” the OP explained. “I’m not angry. I just don’t see why I should sacrifice for someone who never sacrificed for me.”

Still, the OP is torn. “Financially, it wouldn’t ruin me. But emotionally, it would feel like betraying the little girl he walked away from,” she shared.

The opinions were mixed.

The people of Threads, where the post was shared, had some interesting suggestions for this woman. Some were adamant.

“Do. Not. Give. This. Man. A. F–-ING. Dime!” one user wrote.

Someone else suggested that she loan him the money. “You can compromise it – give the money as a loan and write out a payment plan,” another user suggested. “They can either take it and sign it – or toss it.”

There were a handful of people who suggested she give the money, but they were in the minority. There’s no right or wrong answer here, in our opinion. But whatever the OP decides, she shouldn’t expect it to change anything.