Just like how every mom's birthing experience is different, every adventure in motherhood is also different. Some women seem to be born into the role, and having children seems to come naturally to them. They give this illusion that all moms should be this way, but that is certainly not the case. As Gylisa Jayne explains in a long post about her first year with her daughter, there are some things that people simply don't tell you.
In the post, she lists all the things she wishes she'd known, such as how she is judged for every little thing she does, how she no longer has any privacy or a moment truly alone, and how she didn't bond with her daughter immediately. She adds that, even though this is not the picture of the "perfect" mom, these feelings are OK to have!
"I'd felt let down by 'the books,'" Gylisa told LittleThings. "None of the websites I'd gone to for help in those early days were personal or as honest about the experience as I'd needed at the time. I realized that no one was talking about motherhood as it was, they were all talking about the ideals of motherhood. It left me feeling like I was the only one that 'wasn't told' so I thought it was only right that I should tell everyone else!"
You can read her full post below.
Were there any lessons about early motherhood that you had to learn the hard way? Let us know in the comments!
Warning: Some of the language used in this post may be considered graphic.
She wrote on Facebook:
The things no one told me:
There has been countless moments during my first year of motherhood, when I have thought ' why did no one tell me about this…!'
I think midwife appointments should be spent sat in their office, they wheel in a big telly ( like at school ) and you can watch a video of all the bits of motherhood that they left out your Sex Ed classes, your mummy mates' Facebook updates, and everyone else …!
For example – no one told me that it’s perfectly fine to admit you didn’t ‘love’ your baby when it was fresh from the minge and being thrust at you. Its ok. I felt the same way I felt when I saw my placenta in that sick bowl – morbidly interested in what it looked like – but no thanks I don’t really fancy a cuddle with it.
No one told me that stitches in your vag can actually hurt way more than birthing a 7lb baby.
No one told me that breastfeeding DOES F***ING HURT. It does ok ? Anyone that says it shouldn’t is only HALF right. It is a sign of a bad latch if there is pain – but it is also a sign that your nipnop is being aggressively sucked for ( presumably) the first time. It takes a week or two for that to ease. But I swear – it does! And then your partner can take cute photos of you smiling with your cub instead of gritting your teeth and crying.
No one told me that EVERYONE will have an opinion on your baby – how to feed it, how to clothe it, how to name it, how to rock it, why you should only rock it for 5 seconds a day else it will be a spoilt little f***, and how if you aren't holding it 24/7 then you are clearly a S**t Mum…. and so on.
No one told me a polite way of telling said opinionated people to Eff Off.
No one told me that I would really, honestly NEVER be alone again. This includes shitting, showering and shaving. Especially when they get older and find your shaving your fanny acutely interesting and you pray it doesn't scar them for life….
No one told me that actually, once you get used to not being alone – you miss them when they nap because they are so cute. So cute…Oh god are her eyes opening ? Escape. Escape now ….!
No one told me that pregnancy side effects last for ages… so essentially you are pregnant for like two years. Like an elephant. Which is how fat you feel now.
No one told me that eating biscuits and drinking tea is a healthy diet. Because it's not. But it gets you through the day – so who gives a s**t.
No one told me that having a baby might make me hate my husband sometimes. That sometimes I really would prefer a cuddle with our baby. That it would feel unfair ALOT. But also, no one told me that seeing him playing/cuddling/looking after our baby would make me want to pop with happiness. And then cross my legs before he suggested another.
No one told me that despite feeling like I couldn’t do any of this, that I wouldn’t know the first thing about motherhood, actually my instincts would not fail me, and everyone is winging it. Some just make it look easier than others. Admiring someone else’s way of doing things shouldn’t make me question mine.
No one told me that they felt mad too after their babies. That they felt lonely and scared and wierd and not like themselves anymore. No one told me so I felt I couldn't tell anyone I felt like that either, until one day I did tell someone and it all spilled out and I ended up sharing my words with thousands of you. And you all admitted it too.
And then you all DID tell me, that those feelings don't last forever. That sometimes it comes back and you want to run away, but you all said, each and every one – that it gets better. It gets easier. It will fly past. It will be worth it.
And it's not forever.
Please SHARE if there are any new moms in your life who can relate to this mother!
