Free Resources To Help Sandwich Moms Manage Their Money And Caregiving Costs

Renée advises sandwich moms to treat managing finances like an airplane flight and put on their masks first. 

Lack of Early Conversations

Caring for aging parents and children can put significant emotional and mental demands on sandwich parents. However, they need to remember to stabilize themselves first. 

"Tough conversations can help establish boundaries and provide clarity ahead of emotionally challenging decisions. While we all like to think our aging parents will never experience cognitive decline or end up in the hospital or hospice, this is mostly wishful thinking," Renée tells LittleThings.

It's a huge mistake when sandwich parents avoid talking to their aging parents about their finances while they are of sound mind. 

"Discussions that involve anything from retirement plans to financial documents, such as a living will or power of attorney, are invaluable when the inevitable turn for the worse comes," Renée advises.

Unclear Limits and Expectations

Conversations about how to manage an aging parent's finances should take place as soon as possible, and in a way that is respectful of them as adults. 

"In these conversations, sandwich parents should clearly state what kind of care and how much care they can and will provide to their aging parents (whether that be financial, physical, or emotional care). Setting clear limits and expectations will allow for all parties involved to plan without fear of the unknown," Renée tells LittleThings.

When limits and expectations are not set and talked about, the sandwich parent will not know how much (if any) they will need to provide if or when the parent needs additional care that can cost significant sums of money, such as a nursing home or memory care facility.

Inadequate Savings for Themselves

Lastly, Renée shared that another mistake she sees is that working parents will save for their child's education before ensuring they have an adequate emergency fund and retirement savings for themselves. While options like student loans or grants and scholarships can help fund a college education, the same can't be said for retirement savings.

Renée provided four essential tips for sandwich parents so they can manage their aging parents' finances more easily.

1. Plan While Things Are Calm

Renée advises sandwich parents to plan ahead, discuss options, and make decisions together with their parents. Make sure to use terms they can understand. This can be a delicate juggling act, so consider involving professionals to help if you feel overwhelmed. Your banker and financial advisors are great resources to engage.

"Act now while things are relatively calm to locate and organize your and your loved ones' financial and legal documents. You don't want to be scrounging around their house searching for their health care power of attorney or long-term care insurance policy during a health crisis," Renée tells LittleThings.

2. Stay Aware of All Money Matters

Renée recommends that sandwich parents organize, plan, and stay aware of their and their loved ones' finances. This includes any investments, pensions, Social Security, VA benefits, and insurance policies. 

"For investment accounts, you can be added as a Trusted Contact Person, which will allow the brokerage firm to contact you if there is errant activity on the account or if they have questions about your loved one's well-being," explains Renée.

3. Leverage Technology

The list of tasks to stay on top of everyone's financials can be overwhelming, so Renée recommends using technology to help. 

"Use budgeting software to monitor trends and set up automatic bill pay for you and your loved ones' recurring expenses. Set up direct deposit for income sources such as Social Security or VA benefits," advises Renée.

4. Prioritize Transparency

Renée emphasizes that transparency is key to preventing your aging parent from feeling like they are losing control. Therefore, it's important to keep them involved and informed of your family's financial decision-making process.

More from LittleThings: Why Sandwich Moms Feel Lonely When They're Pretty Much Never Alone

Renée provided a list of resources she recommends for sandwich parents. The Consumer Financial Protection Bureau is a US government agency that makes sure banks, lenders, and other financial companies treat you fairly. It has some great resources including:

• Managing Someone Else's Money: This provides different guides for those who have been named POA, trustees, or guardians.
• Money Smarts for Older Adults: A helpful resource for older adults and family caregivers to prevent, recognize, and report financial exploitation.

The North American Securities Administrators Association (NASAA), has a free Sandwich Generation: Caught in the Middle brochure with tips and checklists.

AARP and the University of Minnesota designed a great tool called Thinking Ahead Roadmap. 

"[As] a sandwich parent, you should start to think ahead on how to keep your money safe as you age," advises Renée.