Generally, a lot of people feel it's best to announce a pregnancy after getting through the first trimester. Even if you've been nauseous all day with oily hair and body pains, it's not OK to discuss these big issues until you're in "the safe zone." While it's true that most miscarriages occur within the first trimester, there's never a safe zone with pregnancy. And, by keeping quiet until the second trimester, we're really making it seem to others that miscarriages are uncommon.
But, they're very common and worth talking about. According to the NHS, about 1 in 8 women who know they're pregnant will suffer a miscarriage. Many women have miscarriages they don't even realize, since they didn't even know they were pregnant to begin with. The more we talk about miscarriages, the less alone women will feel if they're currently struggling through one.
That's why it's important that James Van Der Beek and his wife, Kimberly, are discussing it openly. They've suffered from multiple losses, and know the emotional pain well. Two of the losses occurred after 17 weeks, once again proving that anything can happen at any time. They also impacted Kimberly's health. Kimberly says she almost died.
Not only did James and Kimberly lose two pregnancies at 17 weeks, but they both happened close together. According to People, the first miscarriage occurred in fall 2019. The second happened in June 2020. Kimberly used Instagram as a way to reach out to her followers and talk about what happened.
"I was told I was gonna have the [first] miscarriage a few minutes before it happened; I was told I was gonna have to go to the hospital a few minutes before they had to make a decision," she said. To cope with the two losses, both boys, she buried the fetuses near a plant.
"After the fetus came out," she "was told exactly where to bury it." And that was in a plant that she refers to as the "mama plant." The plant itself seemed to be a happy accident. According to People, the plant is a passionfruit vine. It's symbolic, and a good way to help cope with the losses.
She gave the two boys names, personalizing her losses even more. "We have two fetuses in our mama plant, and we named them John and Zachariah," she said. "And so John and Zachariah are buried in the mama plant, and I decided today to have an artist make some sort of wood structure that I'll put the mama plant in the earth [underneath], and so she can grow up around it."
Kimberly used many natural methods to soothe her pain. The plant seems to be connected to her and her feelings, giving her a sense of peace. "The cool thing is I had this whole spiritual awakening that happened and the next day, mama plant had her first flower," said Kimberly. "It was really wild."
Aside from the mama plant, there's also a special date that she keeps near and dear to her heart — November 17. That was the day she first left the hospital after miscarrying John. But, it was also her due date with Zachariah. While it may be a sad day, Kimberly revealed her plans to make it both rewarding and special this year.
To celebrate, she plans on hosting a blood-donation event in Texas, where she and James recently relocated. Throughout her miscarriages, getting blood transfusions were necessary. And, she understands how devastating the need can be for blood. "Nov. 17 for me will be a very important blood-giving day, and if I'm feeling strong, I'll also be giving blood," she said.
The couple have five children — 10-year-old Olivia, 8-year-old Joshua, 6-year-old Annabel Leah, 4-year-old Emilia, and 2-year-old Gwendolyn. Kimberly acknowledges that she's been blessed, especially because many women who miscarry are not able to have a successful pregnancy. But, she's not letting her losses stop her from trying for more.
But, maybe not right now. Even though she's off of birth control, she said she still needs some time before really trying again. "I will not take birth control," she admitted on the Make Down Podcast. "It really took me years to rebalance my system after birth control. But I need to feel really good in my body if I'm going to explore [having more kids]. And right now I'm not there."
Kimberly has spent much of her marriage being pregnant. She wed James in 2010, and had Olivia shortly after. James was first open about the late-term miscarriage while on Dancing with the Stars. "We've been through this before, but never this late in the pregnancy, and never accompanied by such a scary, horrific threat to [Kimberly] and her well-being," James said, reports Business Insider. "Grateful that she's now recovering, but we've only just begun unpacking the layers of this one."
Kimberly also explained more about the situation after the episode had aired. "We lost our baby boy — by the way — and I almost lost my life, which is not a story that has been told," she said. "But at some point, I can dig into the details with you guys about what happened in the emergency room."
There are many factors that can go into recurrent pregnancy loss. According to UCLA Health, it's diagnosed when a woman has at least two back-to-back losses. "Most pregnancy losses result from chromosomal, or genetic, abnormalities, and are random events," the health site notes. "Approximately 12-15% of all clinically recognized pregnancies end in miscarriage; however, it is estimated that at least 30-60% of all conceptions will end within the first 12 weeks of gestation."
Some factors the site lists are maternal age, issues with a woman's uterus, and gene irregularity. But that's not all. "A woman's immune system may also play a role in recurrent pregnancy loss," UCLA Health writes. "Hormone abnormalities may also impact pregnancy loss, including thyroid disease and diabetes. Abnormalities in a mother's blood clotting may also affect pregnancy loss."
All in all, many factors can lead to miscarriage. And almost always, they're not the woman's fault. Hopefully, James and Kimberly find the peace they need to move forward. Suffering from multiple losses isn't easy, especially when you have so many people invested in your journey.
