Motherhood is stressful starting the moment you decide you’re ready to start a family. No one knows what the road ahead will hold, including infertility, miscarriage, loss, or postpartum depression. But adopting mindfulness and practicing meditation will help you along each step of the way, according to meditation and mindfulness expert Josephine Atluri, author of 5-Minute Mindfulness for Pregnancy: Simple Practices to Feel Calm, Present, and Connected to Your Baby. Her path to parenthood spanned the course of 17 years and involved in vitro fertilization, miscarriages, international adoption, and surrogacy, resulting in her wonderful family of seven children — which includes three sets of twins — ages 10 months to 15 years.
“I remember how challenging it was to cherish the gestational experience,” says Atluri. “For my first three children, I was preoccupied with worries about my pregnancy and the future, so much so that I felt overwhelmed and unable to be present in my journey. Looking back, I wish I’d had the tools to care for myself so I could have enjoyed being pregnant, an unmatched experience that took several heartbreaking years of assisted reproductive therapy to finally come into fruition. Many years later, after discovering meditation and mindfulness for myself and then becoming certified to teach others these skills, I was able to apply mindfulness to later pregnancies. As a result, I noticed marked differences in my pregnancy experiences. I finally savored the process! I also improved my overall state of being through reduced stress and increased positivity. These personal experiences fueled my passion to help other people on their path to parenthood by showing them how to incorporate mindfulness into their own journeys.”
Atluri tells LittleThings that the first thing every woman needs to do is kick stress to the curb, no matter your current situation.
“Stress negatively impacts our bodies, minds, and emotions,” she says. “When left unchecked, it can magnify into anxiety, depression, and other diseases. Mindfulness techniques give us the ability to shift from a fight-or-flight state to that of calm and presence.”
She suggests, “Meditation, breathwork, visualization, and journaling are all various mindfulness modalities that can help you become present in the moment, keeping you from spiraling into negative fixations of the past or brooding over the uncertainty of the future. For example, a breathing exercise keeps your focus on the manipulation of your breath to a slow and controlled pace, which sends a signal to your brain that you are no longer in a state of stress. In a meditation, you utilize your slow breath and sometimes couple it with a grounding phrase or mantra that anchors you to the present moment, pivoting your thoughts away from stress.”
Acknowledging that women struggling with infertility, IVF, and miscarriages have unique stress, Atluri shares, “Speaking from my own experience and from what I have learned from my fertility mindfulness clients, stress is caused by a myriad of reasons when you face challenges trying to conceive. Some of the biggest culprits of infertility stress include time pressure, uncertainty, and the weight of expectations from oneself and others. One tip that I often share with those experiencing infertility and/or pregnancy loss is to take a mental and physical timeout in order to focus on oneself. While it can seem counterproductive to hit the brakes during a time-sensitive process, a brief pause can actually help you reset and nourish your well-being. It also gives you the opportunity to reevaluate your path and determine if a pivot in plans is in order.”
During this challenging time, she also wants you to remember, “Your value as a person and a future parent is not marred by your past fertility story.”
Stress during pregnancy and worries about giving birth are common. For those at this stage, Atluri suggests to embrace the unknown and trust the process. “Uncertainty can create a lot of angst, whereas having control provides comfort,” notes Atluri. “I developed the Breathe, Evaluate, Act, Remember (BEAR) technique to challenge worries. Using this technique in the midst of a spiral of worries allows you to diffuse the magnitude of your negative thoughts.”
Once the baby arrives, a whole new realm of stress is introduced. Finding balance is hard, even for Atluri.
“I’m not going to lie, it’s really hard to raise three sets of twins. There is a constant swirl of chaos and activity everywhere you look in my household. It takes a lot of organization, patience, endurance, and mindful appreciation to manage such a big household. Despite all of its inherent complexity, when I see all of my kids together having a good time, my heart is filled with so much joy. It is an unmatched happiness.”
Practicing what she preaches, Atluri manages her expectations so they don't create any unnecessary stress. “I do so by creating a list of three things that need to get done each day for work and for my home life. Having short and attainable task lists gives me realistic goals that prevent me from feeling overwhelmed. Then I let go of things that I don’t need to hold on to, such as worries of the unknown, and anything that I didn’t accomplish that day.”
If you’re looking to bring mindfulness and meditation into your life, start with five-minute effective practices to help transform and navigate your emotions. Atluri says, “Breathing strategies are useful calming techniques because you can do them anywhere and at any time, and you don’t even need to close your eyes or be in a quiet place.”
Atluri shares with LittleThings the Square Breathing technique:
- Breathe through your nose for a count of four seconds. Notice how the breath is slowly entering your body.
- Hold your breath for a count of four seconds.
- Breathe out through your nose for a count of four seconds. Notice the breath moving out of your body.
- Hold your breath for a count of four seconds.
(Note: Repeat this pattern as many times as it takes you to feel calmer and better equipped to handle your situation.)
Adopting mindfulness can bring a breath of fresh air to your days, whether they are filled with planning, nesting, diaper changing, tantrums, breaking up fights, drying teary eyes, holding little hands, or warming hearts.
*Psst: if you choose to purchase an item from this post, LittleThings.com may receive a small cut. Each item and price is up to date at the time of publication; however, an item may be sold out or the price may be different at a later date.
