Dressing kids can be a lot of fun. There are only a few years until they develop their own likes and dislikes. While their independence is a wonderful thing and a great milestone, it's still sad not to have as much of a say when it comes to what goes in the cart.
A mom on Reddit admits that her own taste may seem a little off to her family and friends. She has two daughters and has no problem dressing them up in boys clothes. Now, sometimes boys clothes are cut and sized a little differently, but if anything, the real difference is who's on the shirt. Girls clothes have a lot of Disney princesses, and boys clothes contain a lot more Paw Patrol.
"I (25F) have two daughters, (four years, eight months) and they're both very cute. My oldest is much like her mama in the fact that she loves dressing up and being pretty," the mom wrote on Reddit's popular "Am I The [Expletive]" subreddit.
She was never the type to gender clothes.
"If I can rock a guys shirt, I will," she wrote. "My girly is very much the same. Also dinosaurs are cool and you never get girls clothes with dinosaurs, which she gets very angry about. In her opinion boys clothes are much comfier, and I wholeheartedly agree (she also gets very mad about no pockets in her girl jeans, which I also agree with)."
"This has never been an issue with my family, until I had my second baby. I'm not sure if any other parents have noticed, but baby boys clothes are so incredibly cute. It started off with blue onesies but slowly progressed and half her wardrobe is from the boys section now. I don't see the issue, they're clothes and they're cute," she said.
"Sure, maybe the odd stranger will tell me how cute my little man is, and I'll just nod and smile. She's a baby, she doesn't care how people perceive her, why should I? Her gender is irrelevant when I'm ringing up my groceries," she said.
"My parents and siblings have always been weird about it (and always make a big show of buying her very girly clothes), but I mostly ignored it," she continued. "The bigger issue started a few days ago when I went to go see my parents. Oldest was wearing a very average dinosaur themed outfit, and youngest was wearing a sailor onesie that says 'little sailor' on the front."
Upon seeing the clothes, her mom flipped out.
Her mom claimed that she was trying to turn her daughters into lesbians, which is offensive for multiple reasons. For one, sexuality isn't a choice, and second, clothes won't "turn" anyone a specific way. They're just clothes. It just so happens that the original poster (OP) identifies as a lesbian herself, but hasn't come out to her family yet.
"I was angry," she wrote. "My girls were upset so we left and had ice cream for dinner. My brother called to apologize for our mothers behaviour and proceeded to try and guilt trip me, claiming it really was my fault and that I can't blame her for getting mad when I'm disgracing my children like I am. I told him he was just as bad as her and an outfit wasn't going to make her something she's not, but it's really been getting to me."
Luckily, Reddit saw nothing wrong with what she did.
TallCombination6 told it like it is. "I'm assuming your mom, with her inflexible ideas about gender, dressed you in girly clothes and still you became a lesbian. It's almost as though sexuality is an internal process and not one determined by outside influences," they wrote. They also mentioned that it's the mom's "homophobia and internalized misogyny" that's really causing the problems in the family.
Blu3heron commented to say that they personally prefer the fit and fabrics used for men's clothes. "I'm autistic and also have very sensitive skin, so in addition to the whole pocket thing, I prefer men's clothes because they're made better and are more comfortable," they wrote. "I especially hate sleeves on women's t-shirts? I don't know why exactly but they're generally shorter and with the thinner fabric they bunch up in a way I find excruciating."
Some people don't even know why kids clothes are gendered in the first place.
"I don’t even understand why kids' clothes are gendered," writes ceramicthumb. "Having women's vs men's clothes makes sense because of different body shapes. But girls' vs boys' is pointless because all prepubescent kids have roughly the same shape. Just have a kids' section and be done with it."
Panzermoosen also agreed, saying, "We have a baby onesie that says 'Captain Adorable' on it with a monkey pilot. I refuse to pretend it's gendered as women can be captains and pilots, too, even if the onesie is blue (which is just a nice colour). People get so worked up about nothing. Like OP said, who cares what strangers think about her child's gender as she rings up her groceries?"
Kids should wear whatever makes them happy.
Many times, they're not thinking about sexuality. They're thinking about what color they like, what images they like, and what they feel good in. In fact, most kids don't realize if they're wearing clothes that were meant to be worn by someone else. They don't put the emotional weight into it.
When the OP's children look back at old photos, they won't be embarrassed by the sailor clothes or the blue prints. They'll likely remember the fun they had at the event. Or look back and be happy about how cute they were dressed. Making an issue out of it seems unnecessary.
The comments made by the OP's mom only made her terrified of opening up about who she really is.
Sometimes, it takes people time to recognize and get used to big changes. Having someone come out is huge, but it's also a big moment for their audience. But the nasty comments that the mom expressed only made her home seem like an unsafe place to gather. And that's really the big issue at hand.
This mom did nothing wrong, but it's still going to be hard for her to process the actions of her family. It seems as if it'll take a lot of time and patience for her mom to get over her own fears and anxieties. Dressing kids a certain way will have no impact on their sexuality — but their genetic makeup may.
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