A lot of parents work hard to make sure their kids don't feel shame around certain things. One of the big ones is food. There are a lot of people who grew up with complicated issues with food, and they work hard to make sure the same doesn't happen to their kids.
One mom felt that seven years of keeping body talk from her daughter was undone by some comments made by her ex's fiancée. She explained her frustrations to Reddit when her daughter returned from a weekend at dad's with some hesitations toward eating.
Mom talked to her little girl and found out she was feeling pressured by her stepmom-to-be. The woman had commented that the little girl was "pudgy" and tried to motivate her to look good as a flower girl in their upcoming wedding. Mom was not pleased.
The mom took to Reddit, frustrated to see her daughter being affected by negative comments made about her body by her soon-to-be stepmother.
"I have been so careful about not having weight-talk in my house. I don't equate weight with beauty, and I've made sure she sees beauty in people of all shapes and sizes," mom shared.
"I don't talk about health in terms of weight, but in terms of using exercise and a balanced diet to keep our bodies strong ('exercise keeps our heart, lungs, and muscles strong', 'milk keeps our bones strong', 'oranges help our bodies fight off sickness', etc)," she explained.
Her 7-year-old daughter spent the weekend at her dad's, where she spent time with his fiancée. After the daughter came back, she was acting noticeably different.
"So when my daughter came home from her dad's place and only ate half her dinner because she didn't want to eat too much, I was suspicious," mom noted.
"As it turns out, my ex's fiancée told her she was getting pudgy and should eat less so she doesn't look fat in front of everyone when she's a flower girl at their upcoming wedding. She even asked her 'don't you want to look beautiful in your dress?'"
Mom was furious to hear about the comments, as well as to see how deeply they impacted her daughter.
"She's not only told my 7 year old daughter that her perfectly healthy and normal body is pudgy, but that her body type is not beautiful and shouldn't be seen by others," mom vented.
"After how careful I've been to avoid this kind of talk, all it took was a couple of offhand comments to make her decide to halve her food intake. She ultimately did eat the rest of her food after I talked to her about it."
Mom knew she'd have to broach the subject, but she wanted to wait until she could be levelheaded in doing so.
"I was too furious to have a calm conversation with my ex's fiancée this evening, but I'm going to have a stern word with her tomorrow. I'm concerned about how irresponsible she is, to try and instill body insecurity in such a young child and to encourage her to eat less when her body needs that food to grow," she shared.
"My daughter will be bombarded with the message that being stick thin is the only way to be beautiful for her entire life, it's up to the adults around her to actively challenge that message, not reinforce it."
Believe it or not, a number of commenters tried to ask mom (some more gently than others) if she might have a blind spot about her child's size.
"Even if I was woefully misjudging her size through my mom-goggles, her doctor has stated she's healthy and at a normal weight," mom replied.
Someone asked where dad was when this comment was made. "My ex wasn't in the room at the time, and also is a little oblivious about this stuff," mom admitted.
"He hasn't contradicted me but also doesn't really understand why it's important. As far as I'm aware his fiancée hasn't made any comments like this before."
Many people shared similar experiences from their own childhoods and how they were affected by them.
"My dad and step mom were like your daughters. Always commented on my weight after I went through puberty," one commenter recalled.
"I wasn't overweight but not the 'skinny minny' I was … before puberty. I developed hips and a large chest and all of a sudden comments about my weight happened every time I saw them. It made me not want to go over there and still to this day (in my 30s) I am uncomfortable being around them.
"I now have a daughter and when she was like 7 or 8 months old my step mom made a comment about her being chubby…. she wasn’t. She just had finally developed those adorable leg rolls. My daughter (just 2 years old now) has always been on the smaller side of her growth chart. I told my husband on the way home that if they ever make comments to her like they did to me, that we won't be seeing them anymore. I don't want her to feel the way I did (and still do)."
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