As just about any parent can tell you, raising children can make you awfully tired, and burnout is a real possibility. We all love our kids, but it can be physically and mentally debilitating to take care of them 24/7 without a lot of breaks or support.
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One mom recently wrote about her own burnout on Reddit. She came up with a solution after asking her husband for help and not getting it — she decided to take a four-day trip completely on her own. The problem? She didn't run the idea by her husband first, and he felt left out and like she wasn't supporting him.
Here's how it all happened.
They've been together eight years.
She writes that while they've been together for eight years, they just got married and have a toddler. Like a lot working parents, they're pretty tired — balancing everything has been tough.
"My husband and I have been together for 8 years, recently married (15 months ago)," she explains. "We have a 4 year old son. For the past 3 years I have worked from home (such a god send), 12 hour shifts 4 days a week. It's a struggle, because my husband gets home from work at 1am and takes 2 to 3 hours to unwind so he doesnt get to bed until maybe 3 or 4am and sleeps basically all day until he has to leave for work."
Lately, her husband hasn't been helping out with the house.
She feels like her husband isn't really keeping up with his fair share of household responsibilities, and it's starting to bother her.
"On his days off he spends that with me and our son, obviously, but I have noticed that as time goes on, he does less and less around the house," she explains. "Before this he would make dinner on his days off, take care of ALL of sons needs and do basic cleaning so that I could have a breather."
As a result, she feels overworked.
"Now he doesnt make dinner at all, falls asleep on the couch by 7 so I have son duty 24/7 and hasnt lifted a finger to clean in weeks. So on my 3 days off a week, I end up having to deep clean my entire house because I dont have time to do anything on my work days aside from the bare minimum."
So she asked for help.
She says she took action a few weeks ago.
"2 weeks ago I asked him for some help," she writes. "He happily obliged for all of 30 minutes before taking off to go help a buddy with his car and didnt do jack squat after returning home because he 'was tired'. I needed a break. I told him this. His way of comforting me was by hugging me and saying 'You're doing such a good job'. Didn't offer to help or anything."
She decided to take a trip.
The family owns a cabin around an hour away, so the mom dropped off the baby with her own mother and headed that way for a few days.
"So, I made a plan. Asked my mom to take my son for 4 days and planned a vacation for myself with work. I dropped my son off yesterday with my mom (i only did this because my husband obviously works) and took off to our cabin 58 miles away to relax."
The problem? She didn't tell her husband first.
It turns out the woman didn't run the idea by her husband at all before she left. She didn't need his permission, but it makes sense that he would want to know. He started texting that night.
"My husband started texting me last night asking where I was," she explains. "I told him the cabin. He asked where our son was so I told him. He then started going off about how this is selfish of me and that if he had realized I wasnt merely stressed out that he would have helped out more."
He also says she should have communicated her needs better.
"He claims my communication on the issue was terrible and that I could have been more open and laid it out. Says that I'm [the problem] for taking a vacation without him because he 'could have used it too'. But the thing is, I straight out told him I needed a break. I asked him for help. He disregarded it all."
Now she wants Reddit to let her know if she messed up.
Some people think the woman should tell her husband what to do around the house.
Surprisingly, a lot of commenters think the woman should lay out specifically what her husband needs to do around the house, but others quickly pointed out that he's an adult. He can figure it out.
He lives there, too.
"I'm so sick and tired of people saying [the original poster] sucks too for not communicating, but who tells her what needs to be done around the house or how to take care of a child," one commenter writes. "Does husband not have eyes? Can he not see what needs to be cleaned, tidied or cooked? Does he not know his child's needs? If he didn't before maybe his 'four day vacation' without a child to care for or a wife to clean up after him opened his eyes."
Also, women aren't born knowing how to clean.
As one person points out, it's not like his wife was born knowing how to clean. She figured it out, and he can, too.
"Do these people think women are born knowing how to clean?" asks one commenter. "That we have magical powers that allow us to spot dust? Men see these things, they just assume someone else will take care of it."
People really think men shouldn't have to be asked to help.
In fact, the conversation spilled over to a related topic: Should men ever have to be asked to help? A lot of people say absolutely not.
"Why do you, as a man, have to be asked to help?" wonders one commenter. "You are 50% of the marriage, why do you feel like you get to take a back seat in responsibilities."
Also, the man is kind of getting a vacation, too.
People were also surprised that the man reacted so harshly. After all, he's the only adult at home for four days. That's kind of a vacation, too.
One commenter points out: "He has a house to himself, with no wife nor child to worry about. How is he not also getting a vacation?"
These stories are based on posts found on Reddit. Reddit is a user-generated social news aggregation, web content rating, and discussion website where registered members submit content to the site and can up- or down-vote the content. The accuracy and authenticity of each story cannot be confirmed by our staff.
