Being a brand-new mom is one of the toughest and most rewarding stages of life. And probably because of that simple fact, people have a lot (a lot, a lot) to say about it.
When you're a brand-new mom, you are constantly bombarded with parenting advice. Some of it is good. Some of it is bad. And some of it you won't need for about 15 or so years. But people just like to throw a lot at you because, well, motherhood makes us emotional, and sometimes we try way too hard to help and end up confusing everyone.
That's why you really have to pick and choose the new mom advice you listen to. Because honestly, some of it can be kind of harmful. There are definitely some pieces of not-so-sage advice we really wish people would stop saying altogether.
Here are seven pieces of new mom advice you should feel free to completely ignore:
1. Enjoy Every Moment
Hoo boy. This one really gets under my skin. While telling new moms to enjoy every moment of motherhood might be well intentioned, it is flat-out terrible advice. It makes new moms believe that if they aren't suddenly happy nonstop and feeling nothing but love and appreciation for their needy, clingy, screaming newborn, then there is something wrong with them. And there isn't! Motherhood comes with a massive range of emotions, and all of them are OK to feel.
2. Sleep When Baby Sleeps
Getting enough sleep (or any sleep) is one of the biggest struggles new moms have. That's why everywhere you turn, there will be someone telling you how to achieve the miraculous feat of being a well-rested new mom. "Sleep when baby sleeps" is a super-popular piece of advice aimed at helping new moms, but truthfully, it's pretty ridiculous! Not only do newborns sleep in super-short spurts and need to nurse or have a bottle like every five minutes, but the time when your baby is sleeping is literally the only time you have to brush your teeth or do anything other than hold and soothe them. "Sleep whenever you possibly can" would be better.
3. Don't Neglect Your Partner!
New moms have so much on their plates. That's because they never get the chance to sit down and eat. Just kidding! No, but seriously. We have so much to do in a day that when someone tells us not to forget to give attention to our partner, we just want to laugh-cry. New moms don't need any added pressure of guilt about not being a good-enough spouse or partner. We just need help, and the rest will fall into place. Eventually. We think.
4. Don't Neglect Your Appearance!
Listen up. There are certain things that take priority when a new baby comes into the picture. Making sure you are always picture-perfect is probably not one of them. Moms are all too often told that they should "bounce back" after giving birth and make sure they put in the effort to do so. But the real truth is that we need a whole lot more acceptance for the fact that pregnancy and birth require time to heal from first — sometimes, a lot of time.
A new mom should put that extra effort into her appearance only when she actually wants to because it makes her feel good. But it is completely OK, and probably really helpful, to wear sweatpants for a while. Postpartum is sacred, and it is about a whole lot more than appearances.
5. Never, Ever Let Your Baby Cry
Babies cry. Some babies cry A LOT. My second child practically never stopped crying until he was circa 8 months old. While there are a lot of good reasons that the Cry It Out method — where you let your baby cry, potentially for hours on end, without soothing them — is pretty questionable, the idea that you should never let your baby cry is dated and pretty impossible to achieve.
Babies literally cry as their only form of communication. Telling new moms that letting their baby cry at all is bad for them just adds to the guilt new moms already feel about basically everything. Soothing your baby when you can is a good practice that builds trust and makes mom and baby feel good! But new moms should also understand that all babies are different. Some just cry a ton, and sometimes you have to let them a little bit. Sometimes you need to go in the other room and cry yourself.
6. You Have To Socialize Your Baby
I can't tell you how many times people told me that my baby needed to be "socialized." Like, between feedings, diaper changes, and trying to keep your home from not looking like a tornado just hit it, you're supposed to also being taking time to schedule playdates for your infant, who doesn't even know who they are, let alone who other babies are. Give me a break! Kids will have plenty of time to be social. Looking at your beautiful face is pretty much the only thing they need. Moms, on the other hand, could probably use some social time.
7. If You Hold Your Baby Too Much, You'll Spoil Them
Just like there are people who are going to tell you to let your baby cry all day, there are also people who are going to tell you you're spoiling your baby if you hold them too much. No, you really can't win. But the very idea that you can spoil an infant is ludicrous.
Being soothed by a caregiver is a basic need of every infant. That's why people invented baby carriers, so a baby can feel close and comforted. It's natural and it's healthy for your baby to want to be close to you. Over time, your child will get more and more independent. So you can definitely cross holding your baby too much off your long list of new mom worries.
