As a single mom of two, it's hard enough to get out and about without a health crisis going on. So with the start of social distancing, I figured that meant the complete and utter end of my dating life for a while. Maybe a long, long while.
There are plenty of obstacles in my way when it comes to finding a real relationship in the first place. Like guys who are terrified of children (which, as it turns out, is a lot of guys). Not to mention not having a ton of time, energy, or extra money to go on dates, because life, kids, groceries … I could go on, but you catch my drift. Dating is rough. Dating as a mom in her 30s is a bit of a national emergency on its own. OK, maybe I'm being a touch dramatic. I'm definitely being dramatic. But it's still the reason a lot of single parents I know have been practicing social distancing long before we were all about to get locked down.
I had pretty much been on a hiatus anyway after a relationship I got too invested in a little too quickly (character defect) went south. So I didn't hate the idea of being alone for a while longer. It was even starting to feel good to relax into my couch and have no plans … ever. By the looks of things, we're all going to be lying low for quite a while anyway. It's not like I was missing anything.
Still, idle hands need something to do. Knowing my next true love/mistake/man-of-the-moment is always just a swipe away means that when I'm bored or lazing around for days on end, I cruise through the apps to see what, or who, I might find.
This week, that ended up leading to my very first date ever using social distancing. And to my surprise, it didn't totally suck.
I had connected with someone on the dating app Hinge, and the conversation was flowing pretty naturally. It was the first time I'd felt like that in a while, like maybe this guy was my speed. Nothing felt forced about it. So after a few good chats on the app, I gave him my phone number so we could move from app chatting to texting.
After some funny and interesting text chats, we decided we could definitely at the very least take a walk together. We could stay a few feet apart and not touch just to see if we liked being in one another's presence. To be totally honest, the concept of being on a date while being distant from someone was kind of bizarre to me — mostly because I'm a pretty affectionate person, and I don't even mean that sexually.
I'm a hugger, touchy-feely, whatever you want to call it. If I'm feeling warm to someone at all, pats on the back, a knee-squeeze, or a hug is pretty normal and instinctual for me.
Aside from that, if I like like someone, I can be pretty impulsive, too. I tend to think that at the very least, a goodbye kiss on a first date is pretty important. It was hard for me to imagine going on a date and liking someone without showing any affection at all. But chances were pretty good that we wouldn't like each other anyway. So really, I had nothing to lose. We made plans to go on a walk.
The evening rolled around when he was supposed to come and meet me outside of my house. The news of the world at the time was completely freaking me out. When my kids left to go to their dad's house, I broke down sobbing. I felt like the whole world was on fire. I felt scared and alone and overwhelmed. I wasn't in the mood for meeting someone I didn't know. I had no desire to go on a date, so I texted him and let him know that I wasn't up for it. He was understanding, and we texted a little bit more.
Then, to my surprise, he did something that most guys these days don't do. He dialed my actual phone number. That's right! He called me to check in and see if I was OK. It led to a pretty lengthy phone conversation that wasn't at all awkward. We talked and joked, and at the end of the call, I felt a whole lot better. Plus, after having talked and heard his voice, I felt like I knew him better, too. It was like we had already gone on a first date without ever having met.
The next morning, I made a big pot of coffee, and he came over and sat on my porch — 6 feet apart, of course. While I'd imagined it would be totally weird to try to stay away from someone, we both knew keeping our distance was serving an important purpose. Plus, we didn't have to really wonder if anything was going to, ya know, happen. In some way, it took the pressure off, and we were able to just hang out and get to know each other.
I definitely liked him, though. And I think keeping my distance may have been helping to build some suspense, too. After he left, I found myself wishing that I could've given him a hug or a kiss. Then we exchanged some flirty text messages. Because … why not? That doesn't break any rules as far as I know.
Old-school dating might not come naturally to me, but it definitely doesn't suck. I probably wouldn't have learned to exercise some self-restraint if there wasn't a national health crisis happening. But my dating challenges are far from the biggest of my worries.
Right now, it just feels good to connect. While social distancing is what's on the horizon for the foreseeable future, that doesn't have to mean dating is completely canceled. Because the truth is, dating is just about human connection, and there are all kinds of ways to do that without touching, so I've learned.
