Relationships between mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law can be contentious even in the best circumstances. It's hard when personalities and belief systems don't mesh well, and it can be awkward for everyone involved.
What doesn't make a situation like that any better, however, is boundary stomping and disrespect. One woman experienced such treatment from her mother-in-law after they quarreled over time about the mother-in-law's reluctance to hand the baby over for feedings and other necessary time with mom.
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It all came to a head when, after one explosive incident, the husband took his mom's side, totally berating his wife in the process. She took to Reddit to ask if this was as bad as it sounds or if she was looking at things the wrong way.
Things have been tense since the original poster (OP)'s in-laws started staying with them.
"Hi. I'm a new mom, had my son 5 weeks ago. My husband's parents have been staying with us and things have been super overwhelming," she admitted.
"MIL has a habit of taking the baby and refusing to give him back to me. She'd say I'm deliberately ruining her time with him."
OP shared that her son needs to be fed every two hours.
"She basically makes me beg her to hand him over to me so I could feed," OP lamented.
"Last night at 10 PM, MIL had my son in her arms while sitting on the couch with my husband and his dad. I was exhausted, the baby started crying."
OP asked her MIL to pass the baby, but it couldn't be that easy.
"I told my MIL to hand him over to me so I could feed him," she wrote.
"She refused and I kept asking. My husband starts talking about what a whinny little girl I was to complain that our son is receiving love and cuddles and how I'm using feeding as an excuse to keep the baby away from his mom."
Understandably, she wasn't in the mood for her husband's comments AT ALL.
"I ignored him and told his mom to hand over the baby. She refused and said I needed to wait a little longer," she shared.
"I got angry at this point, My husband said I could take the baby after I ask his mom nicely."
At that point, OP was over her husband's attitude.
"This had me seething. I meanly told his mom to stop being annoying and overbearing and hand him over to me," she revealed.
"She looked at me shocked and hurt. She handed the baby over and ran into the guest room and my husband gave me a look than followed her and stayed inside to comfort her."
OP's husband wasn't done arguing.
"He came into the room while I was feeding my son and started yelling about how disrespectful I was to speak to his mom this way and treat her poorly when all she's doing is showing our son more love than I do," OP continued.
"I told him about how she's been taking the baby for hours and preventing me from feeding him properly. he said that 1, our son isn't an object for me to act like I own him and 2, his mom was doing nothing wrong and 3, I should've asked nicely instead of being a [expletive] to his mom and making her cry."
Things went to an even more volatile space.
"I started crying and yelled that I'd go to my mom's place if his parents stay any longer and he yelled back saying 'shut the [expletive] up, you're only acting up cause you don't want my parents around! [expletive]'s wrong with you?' then walked out," she shared.
"I felt terrible thinking maybe I was rude to his mom but I also think that I'd hit my limits here."
OP wanted to know if she was wrong for not being nicer to her mother-in-law.
Commenters felt OP shouldn't be reconsidering her actions in that moment.
Rather, they felt she'd be better served by reconsidering this relationship altogether.
"OP, your husband is prioritizing his mother's emotional wants over your 5 week old baby's physical needs," one commenter wrote.
"GET OUT NOW. This is only going to escalate, and he's already shown his own child isn't his top priority. That's not normal, that's TERRIFYING."
Most agreed elements of all these interactions felt unsafe for both OP and her baby.
"I'm very alarmed at your husband calling you a whiney little girl for trying to feed your child," another commenter said.
"And then attempting to prevent him from being fed even when he was crying until you asked his mother nicely for permission to feed your own child. You seriously need to evaluate if this is a safe environment for your child to be raised in."
So many commenters were appalled that the husband said his mom was 'showing your son more love than you do.'
"Well maybe because the monster-in-law is hogging the baby," one commenter noted.
"She's doing more harm than good and obviously doesn't love that baby as much as he thinks if she can sit there and hear them cry because they're hungry … please get out before anything happens, they sound super toxic. I hope all goes well, stay safe OP ."
OP replied and shared how much these sentiments provided her clarity.
OP also noted that her husband wouldn't "allow" her to leave.
"He managed to make me feel like I'm a horrible mom and that there was something wrong with me," she said of her husband.
"He keeps saying my reaction to every little thing is abnormal and exaggeratted. I'm dealing with so much depression and anxiety so that might explain why he'd think that but I still think his mom is being a bit much."
Many hoped OP would take their comments to heart and get out of this toxic situation.
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