Helping another couple conceive a child can be a powerful act of friendship or even love. One man recently shared on Reddit that years ago he donated sperm to two friends who wanted to conceive children together. They did everything right — signing the right forms, making the right plans — and the man doesn't have anything to do with the kids.
More from LittleThings: California Bicyclist Hit By Car Wakes Up And Can't Remember Name Or If He Has A Family
The arrangement was great until recently, when his wife of six years found out the children exist.
The man donated sperm to two women.
"I (44m) have been my wife 12 years married for 6. We have 3 beautiful kids," the man began. "We support our kids, we live in our dream home, we vacation often, life is good for us I have no complaints.
"The problem is when I was in college ( I was 19)a classmate of mine and her wife approached me about being a donor for her and her wife. They were both in their late 20's and wanted to have children. So I agree. I told my parents about it. Lawyers were involved that I was not to seek them out or try to contact them or the kids. Everyone was on the same Page eventually found out they both were able to get pregnant."
He and his wife recently ran into the couple and the kids.
"A few months later I signed some more papers at the lawyers office. Never heard anything else they moved on I moved on," he continued. "When visiting my parents I, my wife and I ran into this family. Their son looks EXACTLY like me, to the point where it was uncomfortable. Their daughter looks like my sister. They introduced us it was awkward but pleasant. My wife was completely blindsided ….but I understand."
Now she's threatening divorce.
"I never bought it up with my wife because when we first started dating kids and fertility was a huge trigger for her because she had been told she would never have kids. But then we started popping out babies so I never felt the need to bring this up because I could legally never be involved with these kids. Like ever.
"She's threatening divorce."
She can't get past the fact that he has more children.
"She's really struggling with the facts that our kids have siblings. I try to tell her that they don't that they aren't my kids and these women (their mothers) mean literally nothing to me. I go years with even giving them a thought. In hindsight I could have, but I really was trying not to trigger a very sensitive issue for her and we eventually have beautiful children of our own."
People seem to feel like this is a 'both sides' situation.
A few commenters seem to understand where his wife is coming from. As one put it, "I get both sides, to you those children are not your children – you donated sperm and that was the end of your involvement
"HOWEVER I can also see your wife's side, because she didn't know, if I knew my husband had donated sperm it wouldn't bother me – if he knew that had resulted in a child and hadn't mentioned that to me I'd have felt hurt and lied to – and that is probably whats upsetting your wife – she feels you deceived her, and if you kept this from her what else have you kept from her?"
But some think the wife needs to be more understanding.
As others pointed out, biological connection or not, these children are not the man's, and that matters. One person wrote, "It's clear his wife needs some assistance understanding the difference between the fatherhood of their 3 children and the sperm donation of the first 2. She's only seeing the biological connection and not the profound legal distinction."
Some wonder what happens if the kids want to meet him.
Plenty of people also discussed a crucial aspect: What would have happened if the wife found out because the kids wanted to meet? As a commenter wrote, "It is not uncommon for children born from sperm donation at some point want to learn more about their biological parent even if all the documents in the world have been signed. I think therapy is going to be your best bet in the situation."
These stories are based on posts found on Reddit. Reddit is a user-generated social news aggregation, web content rating, and discussion website where registered members submit content to the site and can up- or down-vote the content. The accuracy and authenticity of each story cannot be confirmed by our staff.
